Psychologist’s advice on parenting
Affiliate material
Summer is a great time to pay more attention to your family. Your child goes on vacation, you have a long-awaited vacation. But to the chagrin and surprise of parents, the more time the family spends gathering, the more acutely problems and conflicts become exposed. Let’s figure out what to do with it.
Very often, a child who, with the onset of summer, began to spend more time at home, requires special attention to himself. Moms know how exhausting this infinite can be: play with me, sit with me, and so on. What to do? First of all, do not get irritated in any way.
“This behavior of the child indicates that he lacks your presence. We forget that the amount of time spent with the child is not always equal to its quality. For example, you are cooking dinner and your child is playing next to you. The fact that you periodically give “signs of life”, paying attention to him or his game, does not mean that you are participating in the process. Try this: Spend as much time with your child as he needs, fully engaging in the process. This means that you must surrender yourself completely to the game: be present with your body, mind, and soul. Believe me, the child will soon be “satiated” and will disconnect himself from the joint game. And after that you will have a certain time for your business. Of course, you won’t be able to play enough with your child for a year ahead. But you will know exactly how much time you need to devote to your child to make him feel happy, and how much time later he will be busy with himself, without attracting your attention. “
During the holidays, the child leaves the routine of the day. He can go to bed later, get up earlier and devote most of the day to games and entertainment. This is, of course, great. But for working parents, the daily routine does not change in the summer. On this basis, disagreements arise.
“After three months of ‘anarchy’ it will be difficult for a child to get back into the work rhythm. Therefore, I recommend, even in the summer, adhere to the accepted daily routine, although not very rigidly. This will help avoid stress when your child has to go to school again and live the life of a strict scenario. In addition, summer is a good time to entrust the child with new responsibilities, according to his age and abilities. After all, when the whole family is together, mom has a lot more homework. The most important thing is to properly motivate the little helper. Unfortunately, parents often underestimate the power of the right praise. When a child does everything right, it is taken for granted and often not even noted by the parents. But if he didn’t do something or did something wrong, he gets a flurry of criticism. Ultimately, it is beneficial for the child to do “not so”, because in this case he is given much more attention. “
When household members spend a lot of time together, conflicts based on misunderstandings often arise. Most often, mini-battles take place between the child and the parent, which are very similar.
“In this case, it is very important to stop and analyze the situation, weighing the positions of all parties to the conflict. However, adults will still have to “settle” it. It is very important to understand two important things. First, domestic violence is not always physical punishment. Sometimes in words we inflict no less harm on the child, traumatizing his psyche. Therefore, even if you are guided by good intentions, it is very important to understand and weigh everything that you tell your child. Second point: problems with your children are often “echoes” of problems from your own childhood. The most productive way is to work through relationships with your own parents. Often, a tangle of childhood grievances, fears and memories cannot be unraveled without the help of a psychologist. Effective techniques have now been developed type of constellationsthat help to cope with the most difficult and long-standing problems. “
The popular opinion that it is enough to just love a child, then the process of upbringing develops as if by itself, does not withstand the test of reality. Raising a child is a daily and purposeful work, which includes not only the mother.
“Parent-child relations are a zone in which all family members are included. Therefore, it is very important for parents to have a unified position on the key issues of raising a child. Parents should always act as a united front, no matter how much one of you would like to try on the role of the “good cop”. It is also important to strike a balance between respecting the child’s personality and maintaining the parent’s authority. I believe that you need to talk to a child, negotiate, ask his opinion in most cases. But there are moments, for example, that threaten his life and health, when there is no place for “democracy” and your word (and most often a ban) should be an immutable law. “
Psychological center “Your territory of happy relationships”
Address: Karl Marx Ave., 191/1
Tel.: +7-902-617-14-12; +7-909-096-68-91