Nobody respects us here, we are here for them — nobody!
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A provocateur is a person who does not start the first conflict himself, but creates a conflict situation with all his actions, intonations, words. Psychological provocations can be behavioral, they can be relational and communicative.
- behavioral provocations. When you have something of interest to strangers, and you are weak, you provoke a conflict situation. When you take out a fat wallet in a minibus and rummage in it for a long time in front of everyone, then perhaps you attract the attention of two energetic young people who do not have enough money for tonight. When a girl, especially a tipsy one, catches a random ride late at night, in many cities this is a clear provocation. If you start talking loudly and bullying others in an unfamiliar bar, then this provocation is almost intentional.
- provocations in relationships. Violation of agreements, promises is a provocation of the conflict. If a girl clings to a friend of her beloved during the dance, this is a clear relational provocation. The husband shows with his whole face that he is sick and sick here — for some reason he is looking for a conflict.
- Communication provocations. Objections, reproaches, accusations, excuses, interruptions and long talk — the list of communicative conflictogens is long. See →
Separately, we can talk about the provocations of women and children.
Many conflicts begin because we provoke them ourselves, sometimes without even noticing it. Anyone who does not monitor their communication and often uses conflictogens provokes a conflict, although usually they do not see, hear or understand this. Often the provocation turns out to be an accidental mistake that the person did not notice, did not attach importance to it and did not apologize. Usually, someone who makes a random mistake tends to understand and forgive himself (“I didn’t do it on purpose!”), While others in these cases can easily react in conflict. To prevent this from happening, develop the habit of asking for forgiveness (at least apologizing) in case of your own mistakes and do not rush to run into the one who caused trouble to you: perhaps he did it not at all on purpose, and everything can be resolved peacefully.
Most often, provocations from others are complained of by those who themselves provoke people to provocations in their direction. If a young man knows that in this nightclub people are always bullying and fights are frequent, why did he go there? If it’s not a secret for a girl that late in the evening a cheerful girl in a short dress attracts the attention of sexually intense young people, why didn’t she make sure that she had an escort?
Provocation is often a form of defense. Many insecure young men and women have a “The best defense is an offense” strategy, as a result of which they begin to behave aggressively exactly where they feel uncomfortable.
What to do with provocations and provocateurs? The simplest thing is not to deal with such people, form your circle of friends from decent people and not go to places where provocations are accepted.