Psychological manipulation is a weapon. In whose hands?

Psychological manipulation, manipulation is a psychological influence that causes a given response in a person against his will.

Causing a person’s vision, feelings, states bypassing or against his conscious control.

Manipulation bypasses conscious control and acts on us from the inside, as if it were our desire or decision.

This is an influence that a person does not notice or identify as an influence; This is an influence in which a person begins to perceive other people’s intentions as his own. Simply put, manipulation is a hidden influence. Manipulations can be light and airy, but their strength lies in the fact that it is not clear what to protect yourself from or how to protect yourself.

Manipulations are as varied as life itself. Manipulations are positive, negative and neutral, everyday and professional, sincere and not, and of varying degrees of awareness. However, in everyday life, negative manipulations are more common, as a result of which the concept of “manipulation” is practically identified with “negative manipulation” and is commonly understood as a manifestation of malicious intent or bad inclinations. Such manipulations include pressure on feelings, crafty silence, hidden suggestions and even gypsy hypnosis: all means aimed at obtaining from a person in their favor what cannot be obtained from him in an honest and open way.

He asked you for money, and from his look, from his intonations, you already feel guilty. If you asked him for money, you also feel guilty from his look and intonation. You are a mentally healthy person, but next to him you always feel guilty. It’s a manipulator!

Fear of manipulation (“I can be manipulated!”) is one of the most common phobias, along with xenophobia, homophobia (fear of homosexuality and irrational hatred of homosexuals) and sectophobia (fear of sects, fear of being drawn into a totalitarian sect. This phobia seems to be cultivated artificially, because even if you set yourself the task of finding a totalitarian sect like Aum Senrike on the territory of Russia, you will have to work very hard).

It is curious that in the current practice of everyday word usage, any hidden psychological impact in advance, before any analysis, is routinely assessed in a negative way. On the other hand, everything that a person liked will not be called manipulation, even if there was a hidden psychological impact.

In the «Pedagogical poem» A.S. Makarenko wrote: “At that moment, literally with every movement, even at the faint sheen of my belt, I felt a widely spilled pedagogical duty: these lads must be liked, it is necessary that invincible, seductive sympathy take them by the heart, and at the same time, I desperately need their deepest confidence that I don’t give a damn about their sympathy, even if they are offended, and cover obscenities, and gnash their teeth. This is a typical manipulation, he set the task of secretly conquering the hearts of his students, but who will accuse a great teacher of psychological manipulation?

A sincere request from a good friend makes you want to help him in addition to your conscious control, but if you don’t mind helping, the more you want to help him for a long time, you will not consider manipulation in his actions. Admiration and compliments act bypassing conscious control, but they are included in the list of everyday manipulations only when it becomes obvious that they were directed against the interests of the person who is being complimented. In all other cases, this is encouraged and welcomed.

Reducing manipulation only to something negative does not describe the whole variety of human relationships. Between strangers and people who are selfishly related to each other, manipulation pursues, first of all, negative goals. If people are friendly to each other, the more they love each other, they have a choice: sometime (and as a rule) they can use direct and open methods of influence, and sometime both sides will be more convenient and convenient for them. hidden influences, namely positive manipulations.

We are together, we have a common task. It’s hard for me… If a partner openly formulates my tasks, it’s certainly good, but I need to organize myself myself. And if the partner quietly pushes me to work, imperceptibly aroused my desire, carried me away and involved me, then he took part of my work on self-organization on himself. He manipulated me, but it was in our common interests, and for that I thank him!

If a wife has taken courses in Ericksonian hypnosis and then inserts the suggestions he needs to her husband so that it is easier for him to do exercises and more calmly respond to the difficult features of his mother-in-law, she, of course, manipulates him. How does the husband feel about this? With gratitude, because it is in his interests and she helps him. His wife helps him to effortlessly do what he would have to spend his own effort on.

Psychological manipulation is as much a part of life as cooking and spices for food. Someone insists that food should be only natural, without heat treatment, without salt, sugar and spices, but cooking has long been an important part of modern culture. Psychological manipulation, including sweet compliments and heartfelt appeals to sympathy, charming female makeup and subtle English humor, has become a natural part of modern culture. Business communication aims to effectively influence a partner and naturally includes elements of psychological manipulation. The entire modern advertising business is built on psychological manipulation. The pre-election speeches of presidential candidates are examples of manipulative influence, the speech of any leader at a meeting with employees contains targeted hidden suggestions, and the training of diplomats, managers, salespeople always includes training in effective communication and its variety — adequate manipulation in communication.

In those areas of life where such purposeful psychological influences are accepted, “legalized” (in detective work, in intelligence, in the practice of political technologies, in advertising and negotiations, in flirting and in psychotherapeutic activities), these actions are hidden under other names. They are called «professionalism», «little tricks», «hidden information flows», «subtle communicative influences», «professional techniques» and «secrets of mastery». They are taught, they are taught, and they command respect.

Many people are convinced that they are not manipulating, just because they are inattentive and not used to paying attention to the little things in their behavior and communication. What we do from childhood and every day, ceases to be seen by us, becomes habitual and unconscious.

“I know that I often get offended in order to load my partner with guilt and get some bonuses from the guilty one. My mother taught me this, I practiced the technique on her. However, if you ask me about my resentment, then the first thing I will say will be: «Why is he …». In front of me I can confess my intention, although not at the first moment” — to recognize my feelings of resentment as manipulation requires a high level of awareness.

Sincere and open people manipulate less often than people who are closed and suspicious, but sincerity does not exclude manipulation. Children, as a rule, are sincere, and at the same time perfectly manipulate their parents. With her dad she is a “charming cutie”, with her mother she is a “helpless dandelion”, next to her grandmother she is a “devil”.

Psychological manipulation is a tool of communication, and its evaluation depends on in whose hands this tool is. A knife is a dangerous thing, but in the hands of a surgeon it promises salvation to the patient, and in the hands of a good housewife — a delicious dinner for the household.

How to respond to manipulation

Often people may try to manipulate you: they put pressure on you, they play on your feelings. Not all manipulations are bad, but in this case we are talking about an unpleasant interference in your life for you. How then to react? See →