«The Happiness of Motherhood»
Source — smalltalks.ru
Incest as incestuous sex is very rare, but psychological incest is three times a day. What is psychological incest?
A 26-year-old young man says to his mother: «Mom, I can’t be your son and husband at the same time.» My mother complains to me: “Can you imagine how cruel it is? And a year ago, he kissed me, hugged me … And now he decided to get married. And almost always the refrain goes: “And I gave him (or dedicated) my whole life.”
In psychological incest, the mother tries to take the wrong place in the heart of the child. How does psychological incest occur? A need that we “know” from the first seconds of our lives is the need for unconditional love. This is the feeling that the fetus experiences already in the mother’s womb. It is interesting that we begin our lives with this innate knowledge of unconditional love and yet so rarely experience it in adulthood. Our love for a sexual partner includes a deep fear of being abandoned, a fear of separation. A loved one can stop loving us by loving another woman. But a child, my child, will never want another mother. A child gives a woman the happiness of unconditional love. He loves his mother the way she is. And she is for him the most beautiful, and the smartest, and in general the most-most. And the husband is still dissatisfied with something or, on the contrary, is pleased with everything, if only he was left alone. And events develop according to the well-known scheme: the child takes not only the time of the woman, but also her heart. The child and mother form a closed self-sufficient system. The husband ends up on the periphery of the family, becomes an outsider, and in severe cases generally moves to the «mat under the door.»
One woman in her phrase very accurately conveyed the current situation: “Well, you do as you know, and we and the children …”
As long as the child lives with the mother, she is happy. It often happens that women live the life of their children.
This can be inferred from the statements: “I live for the child. He is everything to me.» Mother, lisping, says to me: “I have such a girl, she cannot live an hour without her mother!” And the girl is already 13 years old. There are no girlfriends, all the girlfriends were replaced by my mother.
And it’s true, it’s easier with mom, because you don’t need to win her love, her recognition, you don’t have to work, her friendship is given for nothing. The inability to work for the sake of friendship or love of another person leads to the fact that even at the age of 35, the daughter calls her mother at work every two hours, then she and her mother meet and go home together, they always call up in the evening or the daughter resorts to her mother, fortunately they live nearby . The daughter is married for the second time, and her mother found her first and second husband.
The result of using love for children as a substitute for love for a husband was the emergence of a huge number of single-parent and conflict families. In other words, “psychological incest” between children and a very loving mother (father) has caused complications in family relationships and alienation of children from too strong parental care. Violation of the system of life values creates new problems that further destroy the emerging personality of the child. Growing up children, who have become disharmonious people, now transfer the sensations of “psychological incest” into their adult life by the method of projection and live in the image and likeness of their parents. But like any connection, psychological incest can end in psychological childbirth — a person’s exit from the psychological custody of his parents. In this case, the child still has a chance to become an independent person. If a young person becomes independent of parental care early, then the psychic birth passes early. But more often than not, parents do not let their child go until almost retirement age, so he remains immature. In psychology and sexology, there is a direction that studies the mental state of an immature person or intimophobia. Men with intimophobia may have frequent sexual relationships with women, they may be attentive, caring, but not made for family relationships. A family for such men is too difficult a task, if they do not get drunk, then at retirement age, after the death of their mother, they can make an attempt to create their own family. Approximately 30% of men suffer from intimophobia. Women who regret that real men have disappeared, died out like dinosaurs, do not understand that they themselves caused such extinction.
Psychologists have created a classification of modern intimophobes.
- “Eternally seeking” — such a man has been looking for a woman, money, employment, work, business all his life. He constantly sets goals for himself, then changes them, he cannot decide on anything.
- “Eternally wounded” — such a man was once offended by a girlfriend or lover, the insult grew to a psyche mutilated by “psychological incest” and he realized that he hated the whole world. It is very difficult for him not only to create a family, but also to build the simplest relationships, because, in his opinion, all women are the same.
- «The Eternal Teen»
- «Casanova»,
- Don Juan
- «Latent»,
- «Married intimophobe» …
These names give a complete description of their owners. Often, these are highly educated men to whom loving mothers gave all the best, including education.
There is an assumption that 80% of Nobel laureates are intimophobes. These are disharmonic people who devote their entire lives to work. For such men, recognition, power, career, money are higher than any family and more beloved than the most beloved woman. The psychological trauma caused by «psychological incest» affects the sexual capabilities and abilities of men, and this can also be one of the serious causes of intimophobia.