You lost because you gave up beforehand. But you can beat him!
download video
Ritual before the fight.
download video
We all want our children to be successful, self-confident, strong-willed, able to overcome obstacles and win! Recently, I faced exactly this task: my son, Petya (6.5 years old) was to compete in hand-to-hand combat for the first time. For the first time…
Our mother said that Petya was very worried and worried. It’s true, in our conversation with Petya, the phrase was heard from him several times: “The main thing is not victory, but participation!”, Mom supported this position. I did not immediately object, but, as a man, I decided that this position was defeatist. There is no task to insure yourself in case of failure, you do not need to worry about this. It is important for a boy, a future man, to perform truly successfully, to gain experience of overcoming excitement and fear, to look for the support of victory in himself, to feel a taste of self-confidence, respect for an opponent, experience to take a hit and get joy from the process! Teach him to live and do things joyfully!
After dinner, we sat down with him alone, I hugged him and started talking about competitions and how men behave. Are you worried? — Yes. — This is fine. They worry, feel a sense of fear — almost everyone! This is inherent in nature: when you worry, your heart beats faster, which supplies the brain and muscles with an increased amount of oxygen, your willingness to fight increases and this helps in combat. Energy is up!
I repeated once again: to worry and even be afraid is normal, you just need to be able to use these states, be able to raise your fighting spirit with these feelings. Before the fight — these feelings will help you, during the fight — they will go away. You start to attack and fight, the fear will disappear.
Maybe this is a suggestion, but a useful one, and I personally believe in it myself.
It’s great that my son and I could remember a strong situation from his past. At about 3 years old, we climbed the stairs to the 2nd floor of our house under construction, and it became scary for him to climb back down the stairs! He was scared, but I encouraged him then, and he overcame the feeling of fear (he remembers it himself!) and went downstairs — with my insurance, but without my help, on his own!
He objected — but this is not a fight!? — Yes, I answered, but you conquered your fear, then you could be stronger than your fear, you can always cope with it now. And most importantly, today this feeling is your assistant, your friend, your resource.
Together we recalled the film «Gladiator»: he likes Maximus, the gladiators in the arena are scared, but they go out and fight for victory. We remembered our favorite boxer, Roy Jones, who enjoys his work in the ring. We discussed with him that Roy Jones is now in Moscow, preparing for a meeting with our boxer and training 2 times a day! It seems to me that Petya felt a bit like Roy Jones…
The conversation ended with cheerful joy: they watched the cartoon Madagascar, and before going to bed they spoke again with an emphasis on:
- Everyone is worried!
- This will help you quickly join the battle!
- Competition is a stage of the training process!
- Enjoy the fight, enjoy the fight!
- Learn to count on yourself in battle!
- Show all!
- Do not feel sorry for yourself and the enemy! (But respect!)
- Either way, we love you!
- You can do it, you can do it!
In the morning I woke him up in time, said that he was ready for the competition, we had a light breakfast (the coach suggested what to eat and what to take with us!), And we left the house. We are driving, we are already exiting the metro, crossing Leningradsky Prospekt, turning towards the CSKA Sports Palace, beautiful weather and … and then we both realize that we forgot to take the uniform for the performance !!!!!
They took the protection, but left the uniform in his backpack …
In his eyes I read — horror … Stop! This is not horror, but a Gift of Fate! I hug my son and say, hugging him — everything is fine! Calmly! I love you! I ask him: “What will be the worst thing if you don’t compete today?” — “Nothing, well, I won’t perform” — his head turned on, the tears left … — Yeah, it’s already easier! There is no time to return home, we decided to go to the coach and look for a way out.
And we are already walking hand in hand and arguing that next time we will check everything in the evening, that both I and he, both of us missed, but — we are GOOD! Go ahead — COMPETE!
The trainer is great! Calmly, judiciously, with support! — prompted to ask for a form from those who had already spoken. They asked, not right away — but they gave us, and here we have the form.
We were among the finalists! Looking at the performances of the guys, I think: it’s good that we forgot the form — this distracted us from the excitement towards solving a new creative task. At these competitions, all the guys performed — all for the first time. They held on in different ways. Someone fights great and is not afraid, someone cries and does not want to continue to fight after the break. It is even more interesting to watch the parents: the boy does not want to continue the fight — what pressure from his mother!!! He continued this fight and won, and lost the next one — and I watched their hysteria with my mother, who accused him — Yes, you didn’t fight at all! And he literally squealed in response to her — No, I fought! Go away! — he shouted to his mother …
I thought at that moment: We definitely don’t need such hockey! And — how right it would be if the coach told not only what to eat and drink before the competition, but also how parents should behave in this stressful situation and for them …
When it was our turn to go to perform, I reminded my son about Maximus, about the pleasure of the process, we repeated the Maximus ritual: we ran our palms on the floor and rubbed them together! Before the fight, I concentrated: look into the eyes of your opponent — in the fight — only you and him!
Forward!
He won his first fight! Very tired — still strong to swing and swing! But psychologically — well done!
The next fight in the final is a worthy opponent — half a head taller, stronger, more massive! And it was great! He lost in an additional round, and then only because he didn’t have enough strength … He walked towards me barely breathing, with shortness of breath, tears in his eyes … And I was happy for him, as a winner: it’s great that 2nd place; It’s great that I experienced both the feeling of victory and defeat! By my reaction, he realized that everything was great! He is great!
On the way home, when he walked away a little from the performance, the son told me: “Dad, thank you for being there!” I answered: “You Sing, well done, that you are so attentive and grateful! It’s great that I have such a cool SON who understands and appreciates these things!
And then we called mom and boasted to mom together! She was happy!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.