“Ah, it’s not difficult to deceive me, I myself am glad to be deceived!” — famous Pushkin’s lines clearly reveal the nature of psychological defense. This is an unconscious process designed to create an illusion of peace and security for the psyche, to protect it from the threats of the outside world. Psychotherapist Marina Myaus explains what motives these defenses hide.
Denial
“Often in therapy, a person talks about feeling lonely and misunderstood in a relationship with a parent or spouse,” says psychotherapist Marina Myaus. — But it is worth returning to him his words: “Do you feel that you are not loved and not accepted?”, And he immediately denies it. This turns on protection, which allows you to avoid painful experiences. The reaction of denial also occurs in moments of strong emotional shock. A person cannot come to terms with the fact that a loved one suddenly died, and assures himself and those around him that this is just a dream.
crowding out
It is no coincidence that memory selectively includes childhood memories. Often, in people who do not remember the elementary grades of school and even adolescence, painful episodes are erased in this way. Adults often repress what creates feelings of guilt inside.
“If we offended someone, then unconsciously we choose the easiest way — to pretend that nothing happened. The truth is, you can hardly fool yourself. By «forgetting» what happened, we can still experience similar feelings with other people, even if we haven’t harmed them. And we continue to bear the burden of guilt, which we are unable to face.
Projection
We endow others with what torments us ourselves. This is especially evident in social networks, where they criticize those who boldly express their position, start a risky project, change lives. So the accusers sign that they themselves would like to be more decisive.
Identification
We appropriate someone else’s «I», imitating others, their way of life, thoughts, habits or appearance. The mechanism is set in childhood when a child imitates a parent in order to gain approval or learn social skills. As adults, we may identify with someone significant in an effort to get closer or avoid conflict. The imitation mechanism can also turn on when we do not trust feelings and desires, knowledge or taste. We forbid ourselves to be ourselves, hiding behind the figure of a person whom we consider authoritative.
Regression
We are trying to return to a time where we felt more confident and secure. Often such an unconscious rollback to the past is inherent in older children who react painfully to the appearance of a baby in the house, and imitate him in everything. They stop eating on their own and start crawling. Adults, ill, can imitate the behavior of children, expecting increased care and attention.
Bias
The angle of attention is transferred from one subject to another. A common example: the inability to vent anger at work leads to the fact that a person breaks down at home. “Complex personality conflicts, in which we can’t decide for a long time whether to change the field of activity or part with a partner, can lead to a shift in attention,” says the psychologist. “This is how phobias arise when an unresolved painful situation is hidden behind an unexpected fear of flying, spiders or enclosed spaces.”
While psychological defenses seem to protect the psyche, at the same time they destroy it. “We keep making painful mistakes because unconsciously we are guided by the pain that is hidden in the subconscious,” says the specialist. “Only by acknowledging the problem and finding the strength to face it face to face, we get the opportunity to let it go.”