Psychological advice for desperate parents

– There can be several reasons for child apathy. One of them – this is congestion: too intense a study schedule, many circles and sections, and if the parents also load it with household chores, then there is no time to be alone with yourself! But a child is only able to understand what is interesting to do to him only in a state of boredom, when no one imposes anything from the outside.

The second reason – this is when parents drag their child with them everywhere and everywhere, without even bothering to ask if he likes such leisure or not. So the child is used to the fact that everything is decided for him, hence the indifference. What is the use of wanting something if it will still be pulled wherever they want?

Third reason – identity crisis. This is the period when a teenager wonders who he is in this world and where to move on. It usually matures by the age of 17, but it can occur earlier, depending on individual characteristics. In this case, you just need to have patience and treat this with understanding and respect, that is, give the opportunity and time for a thoughtful decision.

But whatever the reason, the problem needs to be addressed. And the first thing a parent can do is to talk to their child heart to heart, without reproaches, evaluations and kicks. A person in adolescence needs parental support and love no less than a baby. Remember yourself at this age, what worried you and what you wanted during this period. Going out on an active weekend like going out into the woods, fishing, or having a picnic in a nearby park will create a sense of togetherness and shake off the tinge of everyday life and tension.

For those who have problems with verbal contact and the teenager flatly refuses to talk, a method such as film therapy. With the help of a psychologist or on your own, choose an appropriate film and invite your son / daughter to watch it or watch it together, and then discuss it in a friendly way, share your impression of what you saw, and ask what your child saw, what he thinks about it, what to him liked the most and what not. Be sincere, do not press or try to impose your opinion.

Here are some films that can help solve this problem: Society of Dead Poets, The Trainee, The Devil Wears Prada, Legally Blonde, Legend # 17, The Matrix. First, watch the film yourself and decide whether it is suitable for your child or not, and then watch it together.

If the problem is completely neglected and all your efforts have failed, then contact a professional psychologist. Don’t ask your friends for advice or compare your teenager to anyone else. Children are unique, and each has its own pace of development. Solve problems with professionals and remember that the roots of children’s problems always lie in us. Therefore, help yourself first, and, perhaps, everything will work out for your child automatically.

– There are no children who would be uninterested in everything, uninterested in anything. This phenomenon is not foreseen by the nature. From an early age, a child shows interest in the world, in knowing everything around him. And here the model of behavior of the people around him is very important. How do they react to his manifestations of independence, interest, what information is given by “look how interesting this world is” or “do not touch, let it be, this world is dangerous.”

After all, it’s not a secret for anyone that a small child is very receptive and sensitive to the behavior of the people around him. For a child from birth to one year old, the mother is the first source of information about the world around him. And in the future, the family is the first society where the child forms his own model of behavior, which he then carries over for the rest of his life. Everyone is already born with their own interests in one direction or another, and the task of parents is to see this direction and help in moving along a given path, to help reveal themselves in this area.

Unfortunately, as a rule, we see a completely different model of behavior in parents. Authoritarian type of upbringing “I know better what you need!” and “Do as it is said!” when the child’s opinion is not taken into account at all. Often they do this out of good intentions, but they do not at all notice that they are imposing their model of happiness on their daughter or son, not giving them the opportunity to choose and show independence. This behavior backfires in adolescence with exactly what we are talking about, indifference to everything or the inability to focus on one thing.

So what to do with a teenager if he has no personal interests?

– Start working on the mistakes and first of all evaluate the quality of your communication with the child. From what position do you communicate: positions “from above” are constantly trying to dominate, positions “together” – you communicate at the same social level;

– evaluate what role the child has in the family, what responsibilities are assigned to him. How important is his opinion in solving certain family issues;

– how much is satisfied his vital need for self-realization, as self-realization in areas interesting to him (interesting to him, not to you);

– what your child does best, what makes him happy. Computer games don’t count. They, as a rule, are a way to get away, to escape from a reality that does not accept him and in which he cannot fulfill himself.

If you yourself are experiencing difficulties in this, you feel that you need help in this and a “fresh”, outsider look at your situation, a deeper analysis of it, a child psychologist can always help you with this.

We all want to grow a personality out of our child, therefore, you need to treat him accordingly, and not like a slave who is obliged to obediently follow all your orders.

– It all depends on the age. Usually this problem arises in parents of teenagers who were not taught independence in childhood, who were often simply left to themselves or who had too much free time, and they did not learn how to properly manage it. In general, know that the child should not have free time. While your son or daughter is young, you teach him to fill all the hours and minutes with chores from three areas: circles, study and household chores. Is the child too young to properly allocate time during the day? Sit down, create a schedule and to-do list with him, and teach him how to prioritize. Is that exactly what you did with a child under 10 years old? Then, chances are, you are past the problem that your teen doesn’t want to do anything. By the age of 12-15, he will already have favorite hobbies, and he will be able to allocate his time.

Doesn’t want to do anything … It is important to understand the difference here. Does he go to the circle, but whine when he walks? Or does he not go anywhere at all, but only lies at home and watches TV or plays on the computer? In the first case, everything is not so bad, and your task is to support him and praise him for his successes. Just notice that a teenager is better at taking praise directly. Let’s say you talk to your mom or friend on the phone and tell them about the child’s good results in some business. Children hear everything, and praise stimulates the next movement forward.

If he doesn’t want anything at all … Try to apply the principle by contradiction. For example, he does not want to go to a concert with friends, and you suggest that he wash the windows with you or do a general cleaning of the apartment at this time: he will choose the lesser of two evils and go to the concert.

And remember, if you want something badly, then the child wants it less and less.