Psycho-couple: pregnancy, what does it change when it comes to sex?

When you are pregnant, you are nonetheless a woman, with her desires, her libido … Fortunately, these 9 months are not months of abstinence! For a couple, it is even essential to live their sexuality without taboos, without embarrassment and without fear. As we know, during pregnancy, the libido does the yoyo. Sometimes very low, but sometimes also very high! But of course: there again, there are no “standards”: each and every one of them, to live this period as they feel it! 

Female pleasure, often more taboo

It is said that some ancient civilizations advocated libertinism among pregnant women (the sperm is supposed to nourish the fetus). Yet even today, and in all cultures, sexuality during pregnancy often remains a taboo. Or, to be more precise, female sexuality. For a man, we generally agree to think that nothing changes: that he retains desires when his partner is expecting a child, we accept it very well. He remains a man above all. But that a woman, who is going to become a mother, thinks of her own pleasure is said much less. 

Obviously, a successful pregnancy predisposes to warmly welcome the unborn baby. And we know that sexual understanding greatly contributes to the harmony of a couple. But even if mentalities evolve, prejudices persist, with their share of preconceived ideas about sexuality during pregnancy, which can cause damage within the couple, in an already somewhat destabilizing period.

Because less than ever, desire will not follow a regular course. No question of generalizing, but there are, however, a few constants, linked to the evolution of the body and its physiology throughout these 9 months. 

First trimester of pregnancy: an upheaval for the couple

First, there is the euphoria of the good news: the hoped-for happy event is coming! A big puff of love swells hearts and encourages bodies to come together … At the beginning, sex, when you’re pregnant, gives rise to many questions! Which can confuse many women. 

A ditch can widen. Some women feel, or at least project themselves to be, mothers from the moment of conception, while some men become fathers at the birth of their child. It’s not always easy, then, to be on the same wavelength.

The woman may be worried about her unborn baby. In this case, she feels the need to “get out” of her relationship. She then puts a certain distance between herself and her companion, becomes less demanding, sometimes less receptive to caresses. A fear can block many future mothers: will the baby “hold”? Some people may fear that having sex will cause a miscarriage. Absolutely wrong: making love is safe.

The various physical inconveniences do not help. Fatigue, drowsiness, possibly nausea and vomiting, heavy and painful breasts… It doesn’t encourage you to be a sex bomb!

It happens that the future father is destabilized. He does not know how to react to this unusual behavior, for which he was not prepared. What exactly are we expected of him? Should he be discreet, or show his desire? A desire which may also suffer a slight decrease, because it too must adapt to the new situation. Having become a mother, will her partner retain all her sex appeal and her taste for cuddles? Will he himself know how to “ensure”, as a lover as well as as a father?

The future father also has his own fears. He can sometimes be more “respectful” than she would like. Waiting for him to show up, she hardly has the energy to take the lead… Stop! We talk to each other ! By explaining what we feel, what we want. Simply !

Even though the frequency of intercourse decreases, there is no reason why the fun should not be there. Three months of relative calm, in a tender and sensual atmosphere, does not sign the failure of a couple. On the other hand, three months of gloomy silence and unease can leave its mark.

Second trimester of pregnancy: an improvement for the couple

Over time, the placenta takes over from the corpus luteum to produce the hormones necessary for the harmonious development of pregnancy. With this change, the little ailments of the first weeks gradually disappear. No more fatigue, nausea and that funny metallic taste in your mouth!

The future mom is particularly beautiful, and she knows it! Her radiant complexion gives her a superb look. Her breasts, still generous, no longer make her suffer. Her belly becomes rounded and definitely dispels the doubt: no, she is not overweight, she is pregnant! Her miscarriage fears are gone. The pregnancy “holds” and has taken its cruising speed.

The spouse can again feel wanted, and he’ll appreciate it! Because on the side of his companion, the production of progesterone, with disinhibiting power, is in full swing! 

Female pleasure gains in intensity. The skin, the erogenous zones (including the clitoris) become more sensitive. Congestion of the small pelvis causes an influx of blood into the vagina which, moreover, the “hormonal torrent” lubricates more. Wow, let’s go for the Kamasutra of pregnancy!

Often a good period begins for the couple’s sexuality, who can break locks, explore bodies with more daring, venture into new pleasures. It is up to each couple to find what suits them. 

Around 5 months of pregnancy, the movements of the fetus become noticeable, sometimes during intercourse. This can distract the future father, by bringing him back to this reality: soon, they will live in three, more in two! The idea takes shape … 

But most of the blockages, which can go as far as temporary impotence, have other, more secret reasons which are all fantasy.

• Fear of hurting the baby:  it does not stand the test of common sense. Rest assured, the fetus is well protected!
• For some fathers, the baby is experienced as a “presence”, and that can bother them. Here again, let’s be clear: the future baby is not the “witness to the antics”! The fetus derives neither pleasure nor displeasure from coitus. However, the fantasy of incest can come between the man and his desire. Completely unfounded, of course. But, as annoying as it is, it will have to be expressed in order to be able to evacuate it.

What the future baby appreciates are the caresses on his mother’s tummy. Formalized under the name of haptonomy, this three-way tactile exchange is part of the preparations for birth. Another method also gives a lot of importance to the massages lavished by the future father: the Bonapace method.

Pregnancy is often a period rich in erotic dreams. Proof that hormones and the subconscious are working hard! Don’t panic, it’s normal! Talk about it together, it can inspire you … 

Third trimester of pregnancy: a mixed period for the couple

From the 32nd week, begins a delicate period, generally disconcerting for both partners.

Mom-to-be is often not at its best. His stomach, more and more prominent, encumbered him. The “technical” difficulties that this poses when it comes to hugs are easily resolved by adopting suitable positions. But perhaps she finds it difficult to love herself like this, with her “big” belly, increasingly reduced mobility, shortness of breath, heavy legs… If she doubts her power of seduction, only her. solicitude of her companion will be able to comfort her.

The due date is approaching: despite the progress of care, this often remains a mysterious and scary moment for most women, especially when it comes to the first child. This preoccupation invades the mind – in some cases to the point of eliciting a withdrawal into oneself, which does not encourage hugs.

The eighth month worries almost all women because of the risk of prematurity. Even when the pregnancy is going wonderfully and no warning sign has been detected by the doctor (the only one who can provide information on this point, remember).

Continuing sex does not increase the risk of prematurity at all, contrary to popular belief. It must be emphasized once again. No, the prostaglandins contained in semen cannot induce premature labor under any circumstances, despite their reputation for promoting the opening of the cervix. Baby is also not likely to turn over under the effect of the jolts. Therefore, we can make love, without any risk until the day of childbirth, as long as the desire and the form are there.

A little phrase can confuse “Everything is fine … but the baby’s head is a little low …” And the couple (the man, in general) to imagine that the penis, during penetration, could hit this innocent little head. It is absolutely impossible! The fetus floats gently in its “pocket”, completely sheltered.

The sexual behavior of the future mother sometimes becomes paradoxical. Sometimes very demanding, sometimes elusive. And the partner may have difficulty decoding his desire. 

It can cause his companion to wonder. As at the beginning of the pregnancy, he does not quite know how to behave, to express his desire. So not easy to find your place! This can give rise to a new questioning in him: after the birth of their child, what woman will she be? Some men worry. In this case, an emergency: talk to each other! Because saying things to each other, simply, sincerely, soothes many tensions and avoids blocking situations. 

During the last few weeks, and until the last day, nothing prevents you from continuing to make love. But it may be that we want it less. The couple entered the wait; every minute, birth can occur… This is no reason to say goodbye to all sensuality. Reciprocal attention and tenderness establish a reinforced bond, the benefits of which will be particularly felt after birth.

Talking about sex during pregnancy

There is still little talk of sexuality within the couple during pregnancy, if at all. Error, because by speaking we evacuate questions, fears …

The situation, totally unprecedented, often leaves the two partners helpless. Not only do we struggle to understand our own reactions, but we also ignore what provokes those of the other. How to join? Above all, by learning about the realities of pregnancy, common to all couples.

Perhaps we will advise him to join a support group, as some maternity hospitals organize for the use of future fathers. The principle: express your concerns … to see that they are shared by many men. Professionals supervise the exchanges, answer, inform, reassure …

Women, often less reluctant to address their intimate concerns, exchange more spontaneously on their experiences. But we must not underestimate the weight of taboos, nor the embarrassment that we feel in recognizing that on the sex side, it is not terrible! Emptying your heart with a healthcare professional can be helpful in clearing things up.

An informed couple, therefore reassured, will hesitate less to confide in one another his questions. If these are not expressed, they risk creating misunderstandings, with their procession of frustrations that can turn into real “love kills”… So we do not hesitate to talk about sex to our spouse.

To discover in video: How does libido react during pregnancy?

Confronted with a new situation, with new wishes, even with “technical” difficulties, it is not uncommon for the couple to react with renewed inventiveness. What seemed an obstacle then becomes an opportunity.

Some women gain new assurance from their “condition”. More fulfilled than ever, and knowing that they have priority, they assert themselves, dare to express their own desires, and take the initiative. Conceiving a child is also reaffirming your love.

Do you want to talk about it between parents? To give your opinion, to bring your testimony? We meet on https://forum.parents.fr.