Psycho: are you a hypersensitive parent?  

Are you often worried, on edge? Do you feel like you are the only person who can understand your children? What if you were the hypersensitive in the family? Rest assured, you are no exception: hypersensitivity affects 20% of the population.

Discover the 10 main characteristics of the hypersensitive parent. And the advice of Elaine N. Aron *, psychologist and specialist in this issue, to help you make it a force for educating your children. 

1. You are often anxious

Worry, anxiety and fear are emotions that you know well. Indeed, your acute sense of danger (for yourself and others), your perfectionism also push you to track down the least risks in your environment. So you frantically monitor the temperature of your baby’s room (to minimize the risk of sudden infant death syndrome), you check that the nursery door closes properly when you leave, you dread the kidnapping in the supermarket as soon as you turn the back to your baby to grab a jar of mustard, etc., etc.

The Advantage

Your caution does protect your child.

The bon compromis  

Listen to yourself, but force yourself to let go of the ballast when you feel that you are being looked at strangely!

2. You feel exhausted

This is partly because of your concern… But not only! In fact, positive emotions tire you too. And they are diverse when you become a parent: the joy of birth, the happiness of the whole family, the excitement of novelty, the pleasures of childhood that remind you of yours (walk in nature, discovery of a toy, with a new taste). Not to mention the great moments, friendly meetings, birthdays, trips to the zoo which in others make people smile and which in you provoke a form of euphoria. Exhausting too!

The Advantage

You live your parenthood to the fullest.

The bon compromis  

Be sure to limit the sources of stimulation, one invitation or one outing per weekend, not two!

3. You feel like you are alone in understanding your child

One of the main characteristics of hypersensitivity: empathy. Your sensory finesse allows you to understand your child (ren) without even having them express themselves (especially in the toddler who does not speak or in the teenager who does not want to speak!). Their facial expressions, their gestures, the color of their skin: a thousand signs alert you to the emotions that run through them. And which cross you at the same time “in mirror”.

The Advantage

You are hyperintuitive and know exactly how to help them out of an awkward situation.

The bon compromis  

Remain modest on this “sixth sense” because you are sometimes wrong in projecting your own feelings on those of your children. Your partner, especially if they are not hypersensitive, can help you take some distance. Ditto with a doctor, a teacher, a grandparent … Their advice, even if it seems disconnected to you, is surely good.

4. You suffer from a lot of pain

Short nights or nights interspersed with awakenings, shopping bags to carry, babies to rock, meals taken on the go: the daily life of a young parent sometimes resembles an ordeal of the Olympics For hypersensitive parents who also suffer from these “physical constraints” an avalanche of positive and negative emotions, burnout awaits ! You then experience a host of symptoms that sound the alarm bells for your stress level: back pain, digestive problems, difficulty falling asleep, migraines and sometimes repeated infections as your immune system weakens …

The Advantage

Your body at end is forcing you to stop!

The bon compromis  

Take breaks to recharge your batteries and “refocus” yourself: a yoga session, a hot bath, a walk in nature (alone)!

5. You have trouble making decisions

It is a consequence of worry. Your desire to “do well” pushes you to inquire for a long time before making choices for your children. And it goes from the bottle model (glass or plastic?) To the choice of their school (private or public?) Through that of your professional life (parental leave, retraining, 100% recovery?).

The advantage. You don’t take anything lightly!

The right compromise. Set limits! Once a decision has been made, we don’t go back and no one asks you to justify yourself …

6. Education of children: you go from “all permissive” to “too authoritarian”

As you understand your child / children well, you can easily bear their whims or their anger which seems logical to you, the result of an emotion that you have grasped or even of a fatigue that you measure. As a result, you tend to be very patient despite crying and screaming, sometimes too much to your partner’s taste.

Conversely, if you are in a situation of emotional overload (you may be reliving buried emotions or suffering from other overwhelming emotions outside the family), you will no longer have a gram of patience to offer your children and risk sending them to their rooms or depriving them of dessert for a trifle.

The Advantage

You handle both educational styles brilliantly!

The compromise  

If you feel that you are in the excess (permissive or bossy), pass the hand to another adult while you find the right tempo.

7. You feel guilty

As you can clearly imagine how your actions could cause inconvenience or sadness to others, guilt doesn’t let go of you often… This is the case when you dare not say no to a friend who wants to come see your baby or when you agree to manage the end of year party at the nursery despite your job. too busy time. This is also the case if you hesitate to hire a cleaning lady for whom you fear heavy work. In short, your feelings of guilt reduce your chances of getting help or rest.

The Advantage

You do not risk hurting those around you.

The bon compromis  

Tell yourself that the people around you are responsible for their reactions to your positions. Not the opposite.

8. You constantly test everything

Your propensity to think about the best strategies for survival and pursuit of happiness for everything and all the time makes you a keen on new experiences. Cododo, Montessori, baby-dance: anything that presents itself as an innovative educational idea attracts you and takes you into a whirlwind of creativity.

The Advantage

You are a leader for all your parent friends!

The bon compromis  

Test concepts over a short period of time and carefully measure the consequences of this new activity on your daily life. The main thing is not to exhaust yourself alone, even if it gives you thrills.

9. You run away from noise

Nursery rhymes in loop, cartoon in the background, summer hit that shakes the walls of the house, squealing chairs, balloon banging on the garden wall, anger from the youngest, cries of joy from the second: the sound universe of a family can push a hypersensitive parent off the hook.

The Advantage

Your neighbors will thank you for putting the brakes on the noise.

The compromise 

Establish rules so that the moments together remain peaceful, especially in the evening or in small spaces (car, kitchen). And when nothing helps, imagine that you are in a bubble and that nothing can reach you. Variation: put earplugs®!

10. The disorder bothers you

Another side effect of your perfectionism and your hypersensitive sensors: a messy house, toys littering the living room carpet, puts you in all your states.

The Advantage

You will become a storage pro and your children too.

The compromise 

Accept clutter, but inside large baskets or toy lockers. That way, nothing “hangs out” in your mind, and it’s not complicated to involve the little ones.