Contents
Psicochorradas: how to escape from emotional trileros and punches
Psychology
The psychologist Nacho Coller reveals in his book ‘Living Never Fails’ how to escape from those people who try to take advantage of the mood slump that occurs in times of uncertainty
“A river uprooted, gain of fishermen”. This popular and hackneyed saying takes on new meaning at a time when our mental rivers are more churning than ever and easy-money fishermen are as smart as ever. We look for certainties, handholds and quick solutions and we dream of magic recipes or time machines that teleport us to a better future. A different one, no bug, no pandemic. We dream, we wish, we almost implore. And that is where they join the game, dusting off their best arts, the quartered or, rather, the emotional trileros, following the terminology coined by the psychologist Nacho Coller in “Living Never Fails” (Ed. Vergara). In his book the author explains some key concepts of psychology in an easy and informative way, but without falling into the clichés of the self-help book.
His intention is, as he clarifies, to make known the tools that allow “Think without ceasing to live” and change what we do not like in our day to day. But not by resorting to the falsehoods that emotional trileros sell us, but by becoming aware of how our life is. And it is true that now our life is a little upside down and it is not uncommon, as suggested, that in a world in which disappointment and uncertainty reign, any of us can fall into the clutches of the unscrupulous who sell delusions, certainties y fullfilment of security requirements. That is why he invites us to remain alert to those people who try to capture us, almost in a sectarian way, so that we sign up for their courses, workshops or seminars in which they claim to offer the quick and miracle solution to all of our emotional conflicts. He also proposes moving away from those who rely on phrases such as “you have the power within you” or “if you want, you can”, because all they do is generate more frustration. «What if I want to, can I? What happens with what happens around me? What if I have a sick family member or have lost a loved one? What if I go with the water up to my neck and I can’t make ends meet? Psychology, behavioral science, and common sense reveal that reality does not only depend on one, that the context influences, that we cannot control everything and that it is normal to feel bad from time to time because the suffering it is part of life. No mental health professional will tell you that they have the secret to happiness or that they will explain an infallible method for you to control your life, “he argues.
In addition to identifying those supposedly motivational phrases that quarterbacks often use as complaint, Coller invites us to detect words or concepts that are common in the speech of an emotional trilero, such as “abundance”, “limiting beliefs”, “inner child”, “miracles”, “regressions” or any of the quotes that we can read in the sugar envelopes of any bar and that, as he explains, are very showy, but they are only smoke or a nice envelope.
It seems like an easy task to escape emotional trileros, but it is not, as Coller reveals, our cognitive biases They make us trust people or believe in things that are not true “because everyone talks about it” or “because if you have a lot of followers, you will have something good.”
Psycho we must keep away
So let’s review some of the “psycho” from which the psychologist Nacho Coller advises to stay away.
1. The color of your aura says a lot about you. This psychophobia appeals to magic, to that of “if you have a black or gray aura, don’t worry because I’m going to cure you”, because from this supposed problem a whole world of possibilities of sale of supposedly curative products opens up such as candles, aromas, ointments, oils, rocks, stones, liquids … etc, that emotional trileros try to place on their victims eager for quick and magical solutions.
2. You will achieve everything you set your mind to. This phrase, which has been installed in the collective imagination for a long time, generates guilt y frustration and it tries to connect with the neoliberal egoism that invites us to forget the social, the environment and the context. But that that you are going to achieve what you propose is not real because not everything depends on you. There is a part that depends on you, such as effort, habits, your way of relating to the world and with yourself or thoughts, but then there is another even higher percentage of things that do not depend on you. From the genetic issue to having or not having a job, earning more or less money or having or not having a partner. «Not everything will depend on you, neither for the good nor for the bad. The context influences much more than we think and also we do not always behave in the same way, because we change depending on the situation and the environment “, explains Coller.
3. The best is yet to come. «Curiously, I have sometimes used this phrase, in a control environment, in consultation, with someone who was having a difficult time in an anxious-depressive condition, or experiencing a painful couple breakup because as soon as I saw that they were hooked on life , to the activity but that they fell apart thinking about their age, I used to tell them that 40 is the new 30, for example, and that the best is yet to come, yes. Contextualized positive phrases are fine, because when they become generic they can sink you, “he reveals.
4. Everything will be fine. How much damage has this phrase done and what dose of infantilism has it inoculated into society during the pandemic and confinement. It has been a way of denying the evidences of pain, suffering and death. «With this phrase we do not really encourage anyone, even if we use it trying to connect it with the illusion, because it relies on the mechanism of denial. If you want to help someone, go with them, listen, stay by the side in silence but don’t use that automatic spring, ”explains Coller.
5. As the law of attraction says, everything you think about happens. This must be disassembled from a scientific point of view. A recent study in the United States carried out with medical students suggests that visualizing or thinking about what you want not only does not make it happen, but it can generate the opposite effect, since this “false confidence” can lead to not trying hard enough to achieve our goals. What really works is to focus on the things that have to be done to get what you want, not on visualizing yourself or dreaming.
6. You attract what you are. “I know great people who go out of their way to help people in need, but with whom life has not been too good; to educated and good people with whom some have not been respectful enough … And so many other cases. Do we really attract what we are? Perhaps it becomes clearer if we put it the other way around: How many people do you know worse than a toothache for whom life is going reasonably well? Not really, you don’t attract what you are, “he says.
7. The power of the universe will heal you. If we take it to the scientific field, we could ask ourselves: What does the universe help me? Drop me a piece of stone, some sheet metal from a lost satellite, or some space junk? «The universe does not heal anything and is another of the words often used by emotional trileros. When someone gets into a transcendent mode and they tell me words that I don’t understand or that don’t make sense, I raise my eyebrow in the Carlos Sobera way because life is simpler, ”he smiles.
8. You breathe in a white light of healing power, you breathe out black smoke that pollutes you. Although it is true that magical thoughts have existed all our life and are part of the human being, the curious thing is, according to Nacho Coller, that in a supposedly advanced society, with greater knowledge and cultural level, we are actually going backwards in this sense because instead of relying more on science or common sense, we place our hopes on those who sell off certainties in a world of uncertainty.
About the Author
Nacho Coller has been working as a psychologist in clinical practice for twenty-five years, collaborates in various media and teaches classes in various master’s degrees. His dual perspective as a therapist and a former patient brings freshness and authenticity to his voice. He is the author of ‘A turtle, a hare and a mosquito. Psychology to go pulling ‘(Nau Llibres)