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In theory, everyone knows that being kind is good and right. But it is also useful — for our well-being, health and relationships with other people. Scientists’ arguments.
Responsiveness helps you learn
Peers are drawn to friendly children, teachers love them more. , helps to have a positive attitude towards school life. And it turned out that these qualities help children learn better. German psychologists have been monitoring the performance of a group of children with similar school problems* for several years. It turned out that those who willingly helped their classmates with their homework improved their grades. With the same initial level, two years later, those who were attentive to their comrades and were ready to help them significantly outperformed those who worked only for themselves in terms of academic performance.
H.-W. Bierhoff «Prosocial Behaviour». Psychology Press, 2002.
Self-giving makes you happier
Those who invest time and energy in the work of various charitable communities improve their lives in the long run. Their sense of happiness, quality of life, self-esteem are above average. They experience less depression, they are less likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s disease, and their general health is better. and mortality is lower. But keep in mind that this charitable effect disappears when a certain threshold is reached — 100 hours of volunteer work per year. Perhaps this is where the boundary between «self-giving» and «self-forgetfulness» passes?
P. Thoits, L. Hewitt «Volunteer work and well-being». Journal of Health and Social Behaviour, 2001.
Caring strengthens a couple
Throwing a promotion dinner, taking the kids to the zoo to give their mom a break, popping in to buy their favorite coffee for their sweetheart… The nice little things we do for each other make us happy, make the other feel grateful, and give meaning. Everyday life. Psychologist Sara Algoe and her colleagues from the University of North Carolina (USA) * are sure of this. For two weeks, they studied 67 heterosexual couples who were romantically involved. Caring for a partner each time evoked a feeling of gratitude, and she, in turn, launched a cascade of emotions that strengthened relationships: kindness, attentiveness and generosity of a partner allow you to look at him in a new way, increase interest in him, bring two people closer.
S. Algoe et al. «It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships». Personal Relationships, 2010.
Forgiveness saves our heart
Sometimes we forgive the offender, sometimes we keep the bitter feeling in ourselves, sadness or thinking of a way to get revenge. And how does this affect our cardiovascular system? First, the participants in the experiment had to recall the case when they were severely offended. They were asked to imagine that they were taking revenge on the offender, and in order to warm up the insult, to remember how they suffered, what pain they experienced. Then they were asked to forgive their offender, to try to find an explanation for his act, to admit that all people have their weaknesses … Cardiograms and tomography readings left no doubt: negative emotions and resentment increase the heartbeat and increase blood pressure, and the manifestation of empathy immediately alleviates stress. So now it is scientifically proven: it is harmful to be offended.
Ñ. Witvliet et al. «Granting forgiveness or harboring grudges: implications for emotion, physiology, and health».Psychological Science, 2001, ¹ 12.