Protect your child from sexual abuse

For very young children (1 to 5 years old)

At this age, it is very important that the child feel the master of his body, even if he is still helped by adults. He must also know that the word «no» means to stop and stop, both for himself and for everyone he plays with. At this time, the child can already learn to be observant to the facial expressions of other people.

1. Teach your child to ask for permission before hugging a playmate

To do this, for example, we say: “Lisa, let’s ask your friend if he wants to hug you goodbye.” And if he says no, encourage your child: “It’s okay, Lisa! Let’s wave goodbye and blow a kiss.»

2. Teach your child from an early age that «no» and «stop» are very important words and should be respected.

Tell him, for example, like this: “Maya said no, and when we hear no, we always stop. Whatever we do.»

He also needs to know that his own “no” has the same meaning as the “no” of his friends: “If you said no, and your friend continues to do what you don’t like, you need to think about how well should we play with him at this time. If not, you can choose other friends.»

If you see a need to intervene in the game, do so. Politely and calmly explain to the other child that your child said «no» and that this is important.

3. Never force a child to hug or kiss someone if they don’t want to — whatever the reason.

This rule also applies to relatives. If a grandmother wants to kiss her grandson, and he resists, come to his aid by offering an alternative: “Let’s say bye-bye and wave the pen!”

4. Teach your child to help if someone is in trouble.

Teach him to be observant to intonations and facial expressions. Praise him for helping his grandmother or helping a child stand up on the playground if he falls.

But at the same time, he must clearly know that when an adult asks for help, an adult must also help him. Praise him for calling you if he sees someone in a difficult situation.

5. Teach your child that only he is the master of his body

When you wash it, always ask: “Will you wash your back? And the legs? And the butt? And if he said no, give him a washcloth and say, “OK! Your tummy needs to be washed. Forward, to the cause!

From a very young age, he must wash his genitals himself. If you tell the baby that he takes care of his arms, legs and other parts of the body so that they are clean, this will help him feel his body and not find anything shameful in it.

6. Develop empathy by naming and explaining your child’s own emotions.

Describe to the child and how his actions make others feel: “I know that you also wanted this toy, but you hit Mickey, now he is in pain and he is crying. And we don’t want Mickey to cry because we hit him.»

7. Always give your child the opportunity to choose and say “yes” or “no”

This is especially important for girls who, already going to kindergarten, can choose tights of the right color for a long time. Always let the child know that you are concerned about his health and safety and therefore you need to wear warm clothes, but otherwise he chooses everything.

8. «Say words»

When the child can already talk, do not answer or react to his whims until he explains what happened. It is important that in the future, in a situation where emotions overwhelm him, he was able to react in time and not immerse himself in them, but enter into communication with the one who caused them.

It is often very difficult for people to call for help or object to the offender precisely because their emotions and words are not directly connected.

For children from 5 to 12 years

At this age, children should be taught to respect each other’s space. To be able to leave the game when it takes an undesirable turn, and not fall into a stupor when faced with violence. Trust your intuition if something raises doubts and concerns.

1. Your child needs to know that his body is changing and this is just wonderful.

Talk about any change calmly and scientifically, whether it’s a missing tooth or hair that’s starting to grow back. If you yourself are a little uncomfortable, practice! The child should know that he will be able to get your answer to all his questions — both now and in the future.

2. Talk to him about his feelings so that he does not accumulate difficult experiences.

For example, ask — does he like being tickled? What does it feel like when you get dizzy? What don’t you like? When do you feel sick? Or when another child hurts you? Leave room for those thoughts that come to him by association.

Pause, wait for what else he wants to tell you. Using this method, it is easier to talk to those who do not directly answer the question posed directly on the forehead, «Does someone offend you at school?»

3. Teach your child and his friends to use special «safety words» in games

This is necessary, because it is at this age that children are completely immersed in the game and can spend hours in their imaginary world with its laws. Like in a game of war, where they take prisoners, hostages, or in role-playing games, where characters argue and sort things out.

In such a situation, the word “no” is also perceived as part of the game, so children need a special code word to stop the game itself if there is any problem in it. It could be «I’m serious!» or, conversely, some completely stupid word like «Suitcase!».

4. Teach kids to stop playing

Tell him to take time out to make sure everything is okay.

5. Teach your child to watch people’s facial expressions.

So he can understand when one of his comrades is joking and when he is really hurt.

6. Discuss with him difficult situations that he could get into during the day.

Play the game of rewind: “You told me a very hard story about how your friend was hit by some boy. I know you were scared to intercede. If we could rewind everything, what would you do?»

Improvise, listen without comment to all the answers, from «turned into Batman» to «called the teacher.» Say that you are ready to listen to him in any difficult situation, no matter what happens.

7. Teach kids that actions always have consequences.

With simple examples — for example, ask him how other people react when someone screams loudly or throws garbage. What are the consequences of this? Someone will be scared, someone will have to clean up? Show them that there are good places to litter and make noise.

8. Talk to your child about the importance of trusting your gut.

Sometimes we have some strange premonition, or we just feel a vague fear or fright, although nothing has happened yet. Ask your child if he or she has ever experienced such a feeling of distrust in a person or a general sense of unfavorable situation.

Tell your child that this inner voice needs to be listened to and trusted. And if he sometimes cannot sort out his feelings and understand what he is experiencing on any particular occasion, you are always there and ready to help him clarify what is happening and make a choice or decision.

And remind him that no one has the right to touch him if he doesn’t want to.