Social networks, interest forums, dating sites – the Internet (theoretically) provides single people with ample opportunities to find a partner, whether for a short flirtation or for a strong, serious relationship. However, in practice our expectations are not always justified.
Only the lazy did not write about online dating. There are also scientific works investigating this phenomenon of our days. It would seem that the virtual space opens up dizzying possibilities for those who are looking for a partner. However, for many, this way of establishing relationships causes great skepticism. American expert in the field of online dating, bestselling author on the subject Julie Spira (Julie Spira)1 compiled a list of arguments from both sides.
So, online dating: pros and cons.
Pass the tests
- How dependent are you on the internet?
Behind: More than 40 million single people in the United States have tried to find a match on the Internet.
Against: Finding a partner in a huge virtual “crowd” can be quite exhausting.
Behind: One in five novels begins online. There are many stories of successful online dating.
Against: When dating online, people often lie about their age, income, marital status, weight, height, and so on. Faced two or three times with such deceivers, a person experiences frustration.
Behind: The Internet significantly expands your circle of potential acquaintances; in the search for a soul mate, you are not limited by either geographical or social boundaries. The more people you “meet”, the better you learn to understand what you really expect from a future partner and possible relationships.
Against: Virtual dating for someone can turn into an end in itself, these people never move on to real meetings or cannot choose one person: it seems to them that there is a chance to find someone even better, even more beautiful. This is such a syndrome – “virtual pen pal”. Don’t put your trust in these people.
Read more:
- Question to the expert: “How to tell a man that I want to get to know him better?”
Behind: The world of online dating is available to us 24 hours a day.
Against: For many, this search turns into a full-time job; Here you need to be able to organize yourself.
Behind: Most dating sites have compatibility programs to help weed out those who are not right for you and find those who match your needs.
Against: Often, clients of such sites indicate such external parameters as height, area of residence, income as selection criteria. By doing so, they risk missing out on the opportunity to find someone who lives up to their deeper expectations.
The best thing, Julie Spira sums up, is to “spread the net wide” by combining both real-life and virtual searches.
Read more:
- We choose each other for a reason
The same topic – “Dating via the Internet: the pros and cons” – sees Colorado psychotherapist Allan Schwartz (Allan N. Schwartz) differently. He emphasizes2 on the shortcomings of online communication, and this is natural, because in his practice he mainly encounters complaints from clients who tried to establish relationships in the virtual space. Someone is hurt by a sudden and unexplained termination of correspondence with a potential partner. Someone cannot understand why a potential partner for a long time, under any pretext, avoids meeting face to face. Someone considers himself a loser because he could not find a mate “like everyone else” and is forced to resort to the help of the Internet.
However, the psychotherapist emphasizes, for many people, online dating certainly can and is becoming a valuable resource. However, it is important to bear in mind some points. For example, it is not necessary to attach great importance to the information that potential partners post in their profile. Man is a creature so complex that it is impossible to judge him by a short self-characteristic. The only way to get an idea about him is to meet him live. You should not look at those who are looking for a match on the Internet as people with a flaw – remember that many people these days are experiencing similar difficulties with their personal lives.
1 J. Spira «The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online» (Morgan James Publishing, 2009).
2 A. Schwartz «Online Dating, Pros and Cons», MentalHelp.net, February, 2012.