Contents
Hello! The liberal parenting style is usually chosen by grandparents in relation to their grandchildren, despite the fact that children were raised, for example, in authoritarian conditions.
Or families in which the birth of a baby turned out to be excessively desired, long-awaited due to late birth, various complications during conception, gestation, and so on. And today we will consider in more detail what it is. And also, why is not particularly useful for the psyche of the child.
Liberal parenting style: characteristics
- Freedom. Adults adhere to the slogan: «Freedom is our everything.» Therefore, they do not take any part in the upbringing of their child. He doesn’t have any restrictions. What he wants, he does. The main thing is to be happy. Only now such absolute freedom is more like permissiveness, which leads to anarchy.
- Equality. No pressure and manifestation of power, each family member is in the same conditions. All are equal to each other.
- Lack of control. The kid gets the experience that he needs. Therefore, if he wants to learn something, he must come to this decision himself and figure out how he can gain knowledge and skills. That is, there is no control over his actions. He climbed somewhere — it means that he needs to satisfy his curiosity and no one will interfere with this process. Therefore, this parenting style is also called permissive.
- Lack of support. Any difficulties or problems? Decide for yourself, get experience. No one will fuss, correct other people’s mistakes.
- Adoption. Adults do not place any hopes on their child. They accept him for who he is. Do you want to be a cleaner, and not like dad, the head of the enterprise? Well, please, your right, since you see your calling in this profession.
- Confidence. You can discuss any topic without fear that they will scold or refuse to receive information on any issue. Again, thanks to acceptance, he may seem imperfect, with a bunch of flaws, but at the same time he will still remain a beloved son or daughter. Without experiencing rejection, depreciation, which causes a lot of confidence.
Pros
- The little man does not feel pressure from the outside, he does not impose any specific behavior patterns. Therefore, he is mainly interested in learning new things, as well as the joy of freedom.
- He has the right to vote, he knows that he is significant in this family and will be heard, despite the fact that he does not understand some issue.
- Experiencing closeness and trust to parents. Thanks to this, he does not complain about low self-esteem and loneliness.
- Basically sociable and is in the center of attention, as he behaves quite relaxed, without hesitation.
- Freedom and lack of requirements allows you to listen to your own desires and discover the occupation that succeeds and brings pleasure, satisfaction. So in liberal families they often “nurture” talented, creative, and sometimes brilliant personalities.
- Quite often, such children are ambitious and strive, if not to capture, then at least to conquer this world.
- They know how to accept other people with their shortcomings.
- Open to communication and learning something new.
Cons
Infantilism
A person who is used to doing only what he wants is actually quite infantile. Such behavior is peculiar only to children, or rather, it is forgiven. The older the baby becomes, the higher the requirements for him should be. Otherwise, then he simply will not be able to take care of himself on his own, bear responsibility for his children, and so on.
Infantiles need someone to provide at least part of their needs while they do what brings them pleasure. That is, it is completely pointless to expect a person from a liberal family to perform duties, especially those that they do not like and cause boredom.
Hysteria
The absence of boundaries «shatters» the psyche. The kid simply does not know what to rely on and what to build on. When there are rules, there is less anxiety, because it is clear how to be or not to be. And when no one is involved in the process of upbringing, does not create reasonable boundaries that will at least allow you to maintain security, then chaos arises.
That is, faced in society with some kind of restriction on the part of strangers, they fall into hysterics. Feelings are literally over the top.
Because the kid is used to doing what he wants, following his desires, and then some person does not allow, for example, to sprinkle himself with sand. He also scolds. How to react is not clear. A mass of anger rises, with which it is not known how to cope.
Irresponsibility
Society does not tolerate those who do not know how to follow the rules and maintain boundaries. For example, no matter how brilliant a person is, he is unlikely to be cooperated with if he allows himself to miss work. Just because today I wanted to lie in bed, and tomorrow I don’t want to strain either.
Conditions in the outside world are not at all the same as in the family. Few people are able to love another just because he is so good. Unconditional love can only come from parents.
So, the most harmonious for development is the democratic style. Through which the individual learns self-control.
Indifference
Such a child does not know what it means to feel sympathy, empathize with someone and worry. In relation to him, his relatives were indifferent, respectively, and he will not be active in the desire to help. And why, if he had not been asked about it before? So, they managed quite well on their own.
He only does what he wants. And he is not at all worried about other people’s troubles.
addictions
There may be an addiction to alcohol, drugs, computer, gambling, and so on. Due to the fact that there is no feeling of internal stability, but there is a need for it, such a destructive way is chosen to ensure one’s security.
This means that when a person consistently, for example, consumes alcohol, the bottle for him symbolizes constancy. Then it becomes calmer, not so disturbing in this incomprehensible and changeable world. It is always there, and if it is not there, then it is not so in principle and difficult to get it so that it becomes good again.
And addictions can also arise if a teenager has fallen under the influence of homeless children, or the same children deprived of parental control.
Rudeness
He was not taught to show good manners, they did not explain what this or that behavior is fraught with. Accordingly, if someone did not like — he can get nasty. He does not care about the feelings of others, he does not know how to control himself. So, it is not surprising that in a moment of anger, he will “pour” insults.
And in general, he simply does not know that this is not worth doing, otherwise a conflict will arise that cannot always be resolved peacefully. Then there is even more anger against the background of their own impotence and confusion. After all, the world gives change, and it should not be so.
Disappointment
Despite openness and sociability, they often experience pain due to rejection by their peers and, in general, by people around them. The fact is that getting used to getting everything they want, such children come to the idea that others are simply obliged to love them just like that.
Therefore, having made even an insignificant act, they expect good encouragement and some special attitude. And of course, this does not happen, which causes a lot of disappointment, which can even, as they say, «break the heart.» After all, the outside world is not as affectionate as parents, and how to deal with this is not known.
Inability to build healthy and harmonious relationships
He just can’t connect. If it was possible to get intimacy with parents, then with other people it is not so simple. You have to give something in return. And given the infantilism and irresponsibility, he has nothing special to offer, except for the same absolute acceptance and uniqueness of his personality.
The requirement of society to at least slightly meet expectations and abide by the rules cause a desire to retire, limiting contacts with anyone.
Completion
And finally, I want to recommend an article that indicates the pros and cons of an authoritative parenting style. In pedagogy, an integrated approach is important.
Because there are situations when you need to loosen control, and when, on the contrary, strengthen it. With some children, you should communicate as gently and calmly as possible, while others should make strict demands so that they hear.
Therefore, it is extremely important not only to distinguish between styles, but also to know what their advantages are, as well as limitations.
Good luck and accomplishments!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina