Procrastination: How to stop procrastinating

“I’ll just look at the latest updates in the feed and immediately get down to business,” 32-year-old Tatyana convinces herself in the morning to … after a couple of hours, break away from the lively correspondence in the chat, finish her second cup of coffee, discuss yesterday’s news with colleagues and reluctantly send – focus on the preparation of an important report.

If this situation is painfully familiar to you, it means that you, too, are not without an unfortunate tendency to put things off until a later date. And it is called – “procrastination” (from Latin pro – “instead of”, “ahead”, and crastinus – “tomorrow”), the “tomorrow” syndrome. Remember Scarlett O’Hara’s famous line from Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind: “I can’t think about it right now. I will think about it tomorrow. After all, there is always tomorrow, right? Alas, not at all and not always.

Missed deadlines to apply for prestigious internships, lost sales due to delayed fulfillment of orders, relationships ruined by being late and canceling plans… Many of us have to pay a high price for our habit. And at home, everyone has their own “black list” of debts – from sending long-promised photos to parents to buying a closet that is so necessary for a grown child.

By the way, procrastination takes a lot of energy, have you noticed? Sometimes we spend much more time and energy on shirking the upcoming task than it would take to complete it. Yet the real trouble lies elsewhere: when we put off making decisions or doing work, we experience constant anxiety. We feel guilty for being late, ashamed for a hasty, sloppy task, and deeply regret missed opportunities.

So why do we willingly go to such torment? And wouldn’t it be easier to get rid of such a destructive habit?

According to British psychologist and trainer Harry Soll¹, it’s not always about our laziness or lack of organization: procrastination is a direct consequence of the fear of making a mistake, of failing. Remembering the experience of past failures, when doing similar work, we feel anxiety, fear. And they are stronger, the lower our self-esteem. We tend to avoid the stress of a difficult, uninteresting, or unpleasant task, especially if it is going to be judged publicly, and so we procrastinate.

There are other reasons, adds Neil Fiore, an American consultant psychologist.². Among them are perfectionism, and the fear of success, and the lack of balance between work and free time, and negative thoughts about work and about oneself. We can say that procrastination is a mechanism for coping with anxiety that is associated with a task or decision. If we find another way to deal with this anxiety, then there will be no need to put things off until later.

But according to the existential psychologist Alfried Lenglet, the reason for our laziness and the desire to put things off until later is not fear at all, but the desire to protect ourselves from the stereotypes imposed on us, rules of behavior, values ​​and prescriptions that prevent us from being ourselves.

Let’s take a look at some of the erroneous attitudes of procrastinators and listen to the advice of experts.

Five attitudes that distinguish a successful and productive person from a procrastinator

1. I am not what I do

PROBLEM: A vulnerable person, prone to perfectionism, argues as follows: “This project is a reflection of me. And my boss or my client needs to like him or else I’ll feel rejected as a person. The outcome of the project will determine what I am worth.” For those of us who measure the value of our personality by work, stress is guaranteed. That is why we are so reluctant to get down to business: there is too much at stake to just start working without delay.

HOW TO DECIDE: Develop self-esteem and positive self-esteem, thanks to which you will cope with any misstep or loss. Tell yourself more often: “No matter what happens, I can survive. My self-esteem will stand. I will not let this project be my personal end of the world. I will find a way to reduce the discomfort and enjoy life again.” When you learn to talk to yourself in a positive way, you will find that you take any task much more calmly.

2.This is my choice

PROBLEM: We often procrastinate when we feel sorry for ourselves because we “should…” (pay a fine, go to the doctor, prepare a project presentation by a deadline). Feeling poor, unhappy, we repeat again and again: “I am obliged to …”, “I don’t want to, but I have to.” Such wording reinforces the negative attitude towards work, implying that, voluntarily, we would never do it. Unconsciously taking the position of the victim, we create ideal conditions for procrastination – it protects us from outside pressure.

HOW TO DECIDE: Change the wording “I have to…” to “It’s my choice…”. It is not necessary to want to complete the task and, moreover, to love it. You can simply decide that you are willing to devote some time to it. And precisely because you made this decision yourself, made the clear choice of an adult, the task will become less difficult and painful, and it will be easier for you to complete it.

3. I can say “no”

PROBLEM: Those of us who are reliable and try to help everyone around us, rushing to fulfill any request of a colleague or friend, are often forced to put things off until later: these “goldfish” simply do not have time to fulfill other people’s desires.

HOW TO DECIDE: Learn to say “no” firmly and confidently to avoid ambiguous interpretations of your refusal. But the passive “Perhaps I will do it” will, rather, only delay the unpleasant task. If you find it difficult to refuse immediately, do not rush to answer. Take a break, weigh all the pros and cons. Remember, by refusing you are not rejecting the person, you are only rejecting their request.

4. I’m ready to start

PROBLEM: If we endlessly assess the scope of the upcoming project and realize that its end is shrouded in thick fog, there is no trace of confidence: the task seems even more difficult, and we lose heart at the sight of the amount of work that needs to be done.

HOW TO DECIDE: Switch your attention to the very first stage and set yourself up to start immediately. Just start. Tell yourself, “I will take one small step. I’ll just sketch out a draft; I will only make one call. I will concentrate and work well for 30 minutes. That’s all I need to do now.” This will direct your energy towards specific actions. These small steps reduce work to small, manageable tasks followed by rewards. Once the first step is taken, the goal will no longer seem so unattainable.

5. A good rest awaits me

PROBLEM: Repeating dull language like “I have to work all weekend…”; “Don’t wait, go to dinner without me, I have to finish one thing…”, we cause in ourselves only rejection from work, a feeling of hopelessness and isolation. Without allowing ourselves a single minute of rest, we begin to perceive life as one continuous obligation, as a heavy burden that makes us miss things that are more significant and pleasant.

HOW TO DECIDE: Replace the words “I don’t have time for fun…” with “I have to find time to have fun…”. Take breaks and come up with rewards for doing some amount of work. Schedule walks, sports, meetings with friends, trips to the theater and cinema in your calendar. Such a plan helps to realistically assess the time that is actually available for work. And the rest, deserved by albeit short, but effective work, will not be burdened by a sense of guilt.

¹ Harry Soll is a British psychologist, author of motivational training, which combines the principles of cognitive-behavioral therapy and NLP.

² Neil Fiore is an American psychologist, trainer, clinical hypnosis specialist, and author of four books, including The Easy Way to Stop Procrastinating (Mann, Ivanov, and Ferber, 2013).