Contents
Abstract
This book is a guide to the most important aspect of modern business and society as a whole — personal responsibility, the lack of which often results in an avalanche of mutual accusations, resentment and procrastination. John Miller, founder of consulting firm QBQ, talks about how to make personal responsibility a habit and what results it can achieve: problems are solved, obstacles are removed, service quality is improved, team spirit is strengthened and employees are more receptive to change.
The first edition of this book appeared ten years ago, when my friend and co-author David Levin and I shortened our 299-page Personal Accountability book to a more concise version—and that’s where it all started.
To the greatest joy, the market reacted vividly to our offspring. And we’re proud to announce over a million copies, including Flipping the Switch and Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional (“Excellent! 47 ways to make your company unique”) are on the bookshelves of readers. And now, after countless reports and trainings, we are still happy to hear that QBQ, or the question-by-question method, is changing people’s lives. It’s a true blessing to receive feedback like «QBQ changed my life!» and «Wish I knew about QBQ years ago.»
It has also been a great pleasure for us throughout all these years to observe the constant influence of the book on the minds of people. Many books published with great fanfare were quickly forgotten. But this one showed what people and companies need today as much as before.
Of course, this does not mean that the first edition did not need to be improved. So, after collecting feedback from readers and clients over the years, I determined which parts of the text needed to be clarified and strengthened. And added a FAQ section at the end to answer the most common questions from readers.
If you’re prepared to go all the way with this book, I’m glad you’ve joined us. Our team has made friends with many people from all over the world, and we hope you will become our friend too. Thank you for believing in the idea of personal responsibility, for that is what this book is about.
What happened
Above the Houston highway rises a huge billboard with the inscription «What happened to personal responsibility?».
I don’t know who put this question there, but I was struck by lightning when I saw it. What happened to personal responsibility? Why does it seem that people only know how to look for the guilty, to blame everyone and everyone for their problems, feelings and actions? I will give a few examples.
I wanted to drink coffee at the gas station, but the kettle was empty, so I turned to the man behind the counter:
“I’m sorry, but there’s no coffee here.
He pointed to a colleague standing nearby and said:
– Her department is responsible for coffee!
The Department? At a roadside gas station the size of my living room?
Second example. During a domestic flight, the flight attendant announces via two-way communication:
– We apologize, but we will not be able to show the promised film today. The service company put the wrong painting on board.
Or here’s another. The takeaway pizzeria apparently lost our order, so I paced back and forth in annoyance while my hungry family waited in the car. Suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, a young man appeared behind the counter:
“Just don’t blame me for everything, my shift has just begun!”
In one variation or another, we constantly hear: “this is not my fault”, “this is not my duty”, “this is not my problem”. The billboard made such an impression on me in part because I completely agree with what is written on it. But I was also struck by the fact that someone was so deeply imbued with the idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbpersonal responsibility that they put these words in the most prominent place.
I was also very imbued with this idea, which is why I wrote the book that you are holding in your hands.
Who is she for? For anyone who has heard or asked the following questions:
- When will this department begin to cope with its work?
- Why don’t they communicate well?
- Who screwed up?
- Why have all these changes come upon us?
- When will someone teach me?
- Why can’t we find higher level staff?
- Who will create a clear strategy for us?
These questions seem innocent enough, but they reveal a lack of personal responsibility and get to the heart of many of the problems we face today.
Changing your mindset and taking personal responsibility is the most powerful and effective way to improve your company and your personal life.
QBQ has been developed and refined over the years. By asking yourself the right questions, you can develop personal responsibility. I have been writing and talking about this since 1995, but today this topic is still relevant. Almost every day, I hear stories about how I’ve been able to increase productivity, organize teamwork, get rid of stress, build relationships, and improve service thanks to QBQ.
The biggest benefit that people derive from this method concerns their personal attitude. Once you start developing a QBQ mindset, things start to get better. People get more enjoyment out of life. For those who have chosen the path of personal responsibility, life becomes happier.
So, if you’ve heard questions like the ones above, if you’re frustrated by other people’s lack of personal responsibility, or admit you’ve been thinking wrong yourself, this book is for you. Enjoy!
Chapter 1 The Picture of Personal Responsibility
One day I popped into Rock Bottom for a quick bite to eat. In the institution — do not overcrowd. Time was running out, but I managed to get a seat at the bar. As soon as I sat down, a young man rushed past with a tray full of dirty dishes. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed me, so he stopped and asked:
Have you been served yet, sir?
“Not yet,” I replied. “Actually, I’m in a hurry. I would have ordered a salad and probably a couple of rolls.
— I can bring you. What will you drink?
“A Diet Coke, if possible.”
“Sorry, sir, we only have Pepsi.” Will it fit?
“No thanks,” I smiled. – Then water with lemon, please.
— Great, I’ll be right back.
And he disappeared.
A moment later he brought salad, rolls and water. I thanked him, and he quickly ran away, and a satisfied client in my face began to satisfy his hunger.
Suddenly, someone moved on the left, a “breeze of enthusiasm” blew, and a “long arm of service” reached out to me with a half-liter bottle covered with frost on the outside, with an ice-cold diet cola inside!
— Wow! Thank you!
— To your health, — the waiter smiled and again slipped away somewhere.
The thought flashed through my head: “We should take this guy to work!” He exceeded my expectations. This is clearly not the average worker. And the more I thought about the act of the waiter, the more I wanted to talk to him. As soon as I managed to attract the attention of this young man, I called him to me.
“I’m sorry, but I thought you didn’t sell Coke.
Yes, sir, we don’t.
— Where did you get it?
— In the shop around the corner.
His answer shocked me to the core.
— Who paid for it? I asked.
— Me, sir. Just a dollar.
By that time, only one thought was spinning in my head: “Cool!” But I said
— Come on, you’ve got a lot to do here. When did you have time?
Smiling and growing more and more in my eyes, he replied:
I sent my manager after her.
I could not believe it. How to call it — the transfer of authority? I swear we all dream of casually saying to our boss, «Run for Diet Coke.» Just a dream! But above all, this waiter’s actions paint a wonderful picture of personal responsibility and the example of QBQ. We will talk about the features of QBQ a little later, but now let’s look at the mindset of the waiter and his actions.
As always, at lunchtime there is a hustle and bustle in the establishment. Rushing with a tray full of dirty dishes in his hands, he was already busy, and he had a lot of things ahead of him. But instead of using that fact as a reason — or excuse — and continue on to the kitchen, the waiter noticed a customer who, although not in his service area, needed attention. That’s why he decided to help. Of course, I do not know what was going on in his head at that moment, but in a similar situation, many people ask themselves:
- Why do I have to do everything?
- Who is supposed to serve customers in this area anyway?
- When will management prepare a wider range?
- Why do we always lack people?
- When will customers learn to carefully read the menu?
It is quite possible to understand a person who thinks in this way, especially in a state of irritation, but these are bad questions. They are negative and do not solve any problem. Throughout the book, we will refer to them as bad questions, or IQs, because there is nothing positive or constructive about them. They are contrary to the principles of personal responsibility, because they imply that someone else must solve the problem or correct the situation.
Unfortunately, these are the first thoughts that come to mind. It is sad to admit that when we are tense or in a difficult situation, our immediate reaction is usually negative and defensive, and it is the wrong questions that come to mind first. But, fortunately, dissatisfaction and irritation provide a great opportunity to change something, and QBQ helps to benefit from it. As soon as the wrong questions are born in our head, we are faced with a choice: accept them (“But when will they finally give us helpers ?!”) or resist by asking more responsible questions: “What can I do to change something?” , «How can I help the team?».
What is QBQ?
QBQ is a tool that allows a person to develop personal responsibility by making the right decisions at the right time.
We will achieve this if we ask ourselves the right questions. That’s exactly what my waiter did. He controlled his thoughts, did not ask NV and did not go in cycles in the negative side of the situation. Consciously or not, he was thinking about something that clearly indicated his responsibility: “How can I help?” and “How can I be more useful?”. His choice turned out to be fateful.
I left him a good tip as I left, throwing a couple of 25 cents over the bar. (Joke. The tip was really great, because he deserved it.) And when I went back there a couple of months later and asked “my favorite waiter Jacob Miller” (I liked his last name), the waitress began to say:
“Sorry, sir, Jacob is no longer—”
My thoughts swirled at breakneck speed. Only not this! You have lost my favorite waiter! You lost the person who looked at me and thought, «What can I do right now to serve my customer?» I didn’t believe my ears. How could they let him leave?!
But, interrupting her, I said aloud only:
«Don’t tell me you lost him!»
To which she hastened to reply:
“No, no, sir, we didn’t lose him—Jacob was promoted.
My first thought was: “Promotion. What a loss! You can smile if you are also a manager.
However, I was not at all surprised that Jacob, with his philosophy, rose up the career ladder so quickly. That’s what personal responsibility can do. Everyone wins: customers, colleagues, the company — everyone. As for Jacob, besides tips and a raise, I think the best reward for him is a great feeling at the end of the working day, because he asked the right questions, made the right decisions and developed personal responsibility.
Chapter 2
Shortly after moving to Denver, we encountered plants we had never seen before. They are called tributaries creeping. Native to the western United States, these nasty little spines look like the ears, horns, and nose of a goat. They creep along the ground, and their horns stick out in the air, and if they get into someone’s boot, his whole day will be ruined.
If you’re a westerner, don’t be surprised that we’ve changed more bike tires while living here than in a lifetime in the Midwest. Professional cyclists take many precautions against Tribulus, even if they have the fattest bike tires.
Every day we make a journey into the unknown thickets of personal and professional life, where the same «thorns» lie in wait for us at every corner. If you make the wrong choice, you can wallow in blaming, complaining, and procrastinating. But the right mindset leads to a richer and more beautiful life, and gives rise to a sense of pride and satisfaction for the productive decisions made.
The QBQ concept is based on the idea that we are responsible for our own choices and can always make the right decision. Sometimes we feel like we don’t have a choice. Then we say something like «I have to» or «I can’t». But there is always a choice. Always. Even the decision not to make a choice is also a choice. Understanding this and taking responsibility for our decisions, we take a big step towards serious changes in life.
Do you want not to run into a “thorn” and do the impossible?
Make the right choice.
Chapter 3 Question after question
Now let’s talk about a method that brings personal responsibility to life — about QBQ. The Question by Question method is based on the premise that the first reaction is usually negative and is expressed in the wrong questions. Thus, if at the moment of making a decision to control yourself and instead of the wrong questions that first come to mind, ask the right ones (QBQ), this will already give good results.
One of the basic principles of the QBQ method is that the answers are in the questions. In other words, if you ask yourself the right questions, you will get the right answers. Therefore, the QBQ method is about asking the right questions.
What are the right questions? How to turn HB into QBQ? What do I need to do?
This book will help you learn to identify and ask the right questions. To clarify, QBQs are questions we ask ourselves, not others. We rarely ask them out loud to colleagues, clients, family members, and friends because we think them over in our heads.
Here are three simple principles for formulating a QBQ:
1. QBQs start with what, how, or how, not why, when, or who.
2. QBQ contains the personal pronoun «I», not «they», «we» or «you».
3. QBQs are focused on doing specific things.
For example, the question «What can I do?» meets all three principles. It begins with the word «what», contains the pronoun «I» and is directed to a specific action: «What can I do?» It’s just like I said. But don’t let the simplicity fool you. Like a gem, QBQ has many facets. In the following chapters, we will discuss them and find out what impact the proposed method can have on your life.
Chapter 4
Have you ever heard such questions?
- Why do others work so little?
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why do they constantly interfere with my work?
- Why do I work without breaks?
- Why does everyone but me care about everything?
Say them out loud. What do you feel? For example, when I say them, I feel like a helpless victim. In questions from the series «Why me?» contains the following thought: «I am a victim of circumstances and others.» Not a very productive idea, is it? But we constantly ask ourselves why. (Note: if you’ve been through the Five Whys sales or problem solving training, this isn’t what this book is about. We’re talking about questions involving the «poor me,» the classic nagging.)
Anyone can fall into the «why» trap. Once I asked the head of the department how many people report to him, to which he replied: «About half.» Funny answer. My interlocutor was clearly from the category of those managers who ask the wrong questions: «Why can’t I find good staff?», «Why does the younger generation not want to work?» and “Why am I not getting more support from senior management?” These are signs of victim mindset, which is very common.
Once I was flying in an airplane next to a man in his fifties. We got to know each other, and we started a friendly conversation about who goes where and what they do. Turns out he has a summer home near Aspen and is returning from a three week ski holiday. «Wow! I thought. “Three weeks in Aspen. This guy must be making good money!” He said that he lives in New York and works on Wall Street. Guess what he’s doing. No, he is not a broker. He’s an accident lawyer.
When he asked me what I do, after thinking for a moment, I simply replied:
I am a writer and speaker.
– Really? What are you talking about?
I hesitated a bit, and then I thought, “Why not?” — and answered what I always say in these cases:
— About personal responsibility.
I wondered if he would see irony or humor in my words. Several minutes passed. We looked at each other. He fidgeted uneasily. I decided to clarify a bit:
“I just help people, and myself in particular, to give up the victim mindset.
He probably understood me, because our conversation ended there. We never said a word to each other again!
I have nothing against him and his work. He’s just doing what the society demands, which keeps asking, «Why is this happening to me?» But even if we come to full agreement on the ills of society, let us not forget that society is made up of individuals. You and me The best way to rid him of the victim mindset is to drive the victim out of himself.
The first rule of QBQ states that all good questions start with “what,” “how,” or “how,” not “why,” “when,” or “who.” Let’s look at the questions posed at the beginning of the chapter from the other side and see what changes if we ask:
- How can I best handle today’s responsibilities?
- What can I do to correct the situation?
- How to help others?
Chapter 5. Victim
I once received an e-mail from a man who wrote that in ten years of military service, his only response to any unpleasant situation was: “No excuses!” He accepted this formula, believed in it and lived in accordance with it.
After returning to civilian life, he took a job as an area manager for a large food company. He did not make the progress that the company expected from him, and he himself was not satisfied with his work. The day before he got to the training “Personal responsibility and QBQ!”, he turned to his supervisor with the following questions:
- Why do you give me so little time?
- Why do you teach me so little?
- Why are our prices not competitive?
- Why don’t we have new products?
- Why doesn’t the marketing department help us?
He concluded his letter with the words: “After learning about the QBQ method at a training, I realized that just a few years after leaving the military service, I turned into what I hate most of all — a victim.” If this man, who lived and breathed No Excuses for ten years, has managed to slip into a victim mindset, then we should all be on our guard.
Chapter 6
Stress is your choice. Do you agree?
Few people like this idea. Many people think that stress is caused by people and events: management, colleagues, customers, boss, traffic jams, weather, market conditions — but this is not so.
Of course, bad things happen: there are downturns in the economy, the company is in trouble, the stock market crashes, we lose our jobs, people around us don’t finish what they started, we miss deadlines, projects fail, good employees leave. Everything happens in life. Still, stress is your choice, as it is we who choose how to respond to each «dangerous event.» We get angry. Or, pushing our feelings away, we remain calm. We worry or stay cool. (One of my clients has a note hanging over his desk: “I have had many problems in my life, and some of them really existed!”)
Immediately after the FedEx conference in Toronto, where I stated that “stress is your choice,” a woman wrote to me. She politely pointed out that she completely disagreed with me and that within a month she promised to collect evidence that stress was caused by external sources. A month later I received an encouraging letter: “I admit my defeat. I really define my own mood. Now I’m asking myself more QBQs to deal with stress!»
Different people react differently to the same situations. Stress is a personal choice.
But stress can also be a product of our choice. By asking ourselves questions from the series “Why is this happening to me?”, We seem to agree that we are not in control of our lives. All this makes us think the way the victim thinks, which in itself is depressing. Even if we really are victims and our feelings seem justified, the question «Why me?» only adds to the stress.