There is something special in the life of a single woman – waiting. Who is she waiting for and with what feeling?
The main feature of Prince Charming is that he exists only for her alone. “A marvelous, imaginary image of a compensatory quality,” writes sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufman 1. Compensatory, that is, its role in our mental life, is to make up for everything that we lack. Tenderness, warmth, care, as well as status, wealth and beauty – he is the Complete Collection of Virtues.
His whole life until the meeting is only the path to this happy moment. He does not have other women and previous marriages … in any case, while he exists only in our imagination. Moving into reality, he may undergo some changes.
Sometimes he is not so brilliant in appearance, but still leaves hope for everything else. Sometimes his existence turns out to be limited in time: in the event that the wait drags on, and loneliness becomes unbearable, the Lonely Woman turns a blind eye to individual shortcomings in order to preserve the picture as a whole. However, after satisfying her love hunger, her vision clears up – and then she indignantly rejects the applicant. He becomes a deceiver who fraudulently appropriated an image dear to her.
But if a woman believes in the divine nature of Love and does not agree to compromises, then the expected meeting should be the only and fateful one. “I don’t trade for flings and casual sex. I’m waiting for him,” says 28-year-old Anna. She still has a chance. But sometimes the wait threatens to drag on for years.
Another case is that a woman has an independent life. A possible meeting causes her difficult feelings. “Sometimes the possibility of such a meeting scares me,” admits Irina, 34, a sales manager. – I like to work late, and when I get home, dig into my pillows, fall asleep with the TV on, holding my beloved cat in my arms. Will the man I draw in my dreams, powerful and strong, put up with this? Or will I have to change all my habits? I don’t know if I’m ready for this…”
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What is he like?
The prince was not always beautiful. In early versions of the tale, he was spoken of as a profitable party. But as the culture of romantic feelings developed, he acquired new features. For example, he became handsome. In the new versions of Cinderella, the heroine falls in love with him, not even knowing that he is the king’s son. The emphasis is on spiritual qualities: he is kind, brave, sympathetic.
But the appearance of the Prince also changes depending on who is waiting for him. “For a girl, this is usually a fairy-tale character, which does not prevent her from thinking that he often comes across in life,” notes Jean-Claude Kaufman. “She describes him according to the latest canons of beauty.” She may even have several Princes, “and they tend to resemble famous actors or singers.” Mature women pay more attention not to appearance, but to his qualities: the ability to understand another person, get along with him, and even … readiness to raise the children of his chosen one and do housework.
Live the love story
We watch a lot of films, read books, learn the stories of people we know and strangers, in which the central place is given to a stunning novel, a great feeling that completely captures the characters and changes their lives. We also do not just live our own life, but describe it for ourselves, placing ourselves at the center of our story. “Each of us is the protagonist of our own story,” says narrative consultant Ekaterina Zhornyak. So it is not surprising that many of us want to paint it with romantic colors. “In the desire to live a love story, the story itself is sometimes as important as love,” says Jean-Claude Kaufman. “And so that the memory remains in the form of a story.” Sometimes it seems that we adjust, on purpose or unconsciously, the events of our lives to the plots that already exist in world culture. “My first love was like the one-on-one story of Roman and Yulia from the movie You Never Dreamed of,” recalls 2-year-old Alisa. “I’m in love with a high school student because he looks like Channing Tatum. I hope he turns out to be as attentive as his character in Jupiter Ascending,45 Natalya, a first-year law student, dreams. But as the relationship develops, adjustments are made to the idea of u3bu1bthe other. He is moving further and further away from his film prototype and closer to reality.
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Prince or Husband?
Over time, even the dream of a Prince loses its romantic dazzle. “I want to have a cozy home and children,” says 32-year-old Inna. “I am still waiting for my man, but now I think first of all about whether he can give me all this.” What happens to Cinderella when she becomes the prince’s wife? The stories are silent about it. Perhaps in time she will become queen. But it may also be that the habit will destroy love. “Igor and I were in love with each other, and it seemed that this would go on forever. But now I’m starting to understand that if we want to stay together, we have a lot to learn, ”sighs 29-year-old Irina after the first year of marriage.
And some go the opposite way – from reality back to dreams. After the divorce, disappointed in family life, which turned out to be too tiring, Lyudmila admits: “I don’t want to be a wife anymore. It takes too much power. I want to devote more time to taking care of myself. It is quite enough for me to experience romantic meetings with men from time to time. I’m no longer looking for the one and only.”
The union of an independent woman and the Prince Charming can hardly take place. They belong to different dimensions. She, according to Jean-Claude Kaufmann, tries to “decide, choose, estimate and calculate everything, including her love affairs. He, on the contrary, having barely thrown off his medieval clothes, invites her to be submissive to fate, to trust Love and does not really look at her. However, reality is closely intertwined with dreams. And, perhaps, the main thing that the fairy tale about the Prince Charming can bring us is the idea of love as a joint work. “For a long time I thought that I could find my Prince in finished form and I would only have to earn his love,” recalls 33-year-old Vera. – The result of this was several novels that ended in disappointment and a painful breakup. Six months ago I met Mikhail… He is definitely not a Prince, but it seems to me that we help each other to become those who know how to love.”
1 J.-C. Kaufman “A Single Woman and a Charming Prince” (U-Factoria, 2005).
2 “You never dreamed” (1981, dir. Nikita Mikhailovsky).
3 Jupiter Ascending (2015, directed by Lana and Andrew Wachowski)