Being proud of ourselves without falling into pride is good for our social connections and for personal motivation in achieving goals. What is the difference between these feelings? How can we determine what we are experiencing?
From childhood, we remember that being proud of ourselves is bad, wrong. However, the voices in our head can be wrong. According to psychologist and writer David Desteno, being proud of yourself means moving towards success, giving credit to your efforts and not falling into illusions. That is why it is so important to distinguish between pride and pride.
If the first gives us strength and inspiration, the second can overshadow our mind and, as a result, throw us off the highest peaks. He talks about why this happens on the pages of the book “The Power of Emotions. How gratitude, empathy and pride help in life and at work.
A big difference
“Usually people around us admire some of our skills if we are ready to share them, and do not put ourselves above the rest,” explains David Desteno. Those who fell into the power of pride are the last to sin. The halo effect is to blame, the psychologist is sure. What does he represent?
Suppose we see that someone has special qualities in a particular area. And we automatically believe that in everything else he is also extremely talented and successful. This is the halo effect. That is why we are so disappointed when our favorite artist or politician we like does some compromising act.
As the halo depicted in the paintings automatically makes us understand that the hero of the canvas is a saint, so the halo effect makes us consider both others and ourselves the best in every respect. It turns out that pride is the belief that we have certain qualities that we actually do not have. But pride is based on those real achievements that we have on the list.
It is important that we are “correctly” proud of ourselves if we remember and admit that we had to work hard. Someone who believes that he was «destined» to succeed because he is special and great in his own right will not have the desire to put in the effort. So, he runs the risk of quickly losing everything that he got.
Together we are strong
Pride is a heavy burden, and the effect of it is often temporary, transient. “Pride is often accompanied by wounded pride, anxiety and aggression, as a person seeks to maintain the illusion of competence and control over the situation,” the psychologist writes.
The one who feels pride, and not pride, is more supported by the environment. He is less anxious and more often ready to share his knowledge and skills — and this is not only pleasant in itself for others, but, of course, contributes to the achievement of common goals. This approach is extremely important both in scientific work and in production.
If I teach my colleagues new methods of collecting information, we can work faster and more smoothly on a common study. If an employee shows how he sews a T-shirt in seven minutes instead of eight, we can speed up the production cycle and sell more T-shirts.
“For pride to be useful, it must be accompanied by humility, the understanding that, no matter what skills each of us has, we are all dependent on the actions of others,” recalls David Desteno.
Eat, be proud, write
The very expectation of pride can increase our motivation, says David Desteno. He cites in his book the results of the following psychological experiment.
Volunteers who want to lose weight were given a piece of cake in front of them. The researchers divided the participants into three groups. In the first, people were asked to think how proud they would be of themselves if they did not touch the treat. The members of the second group were asked to think about how embarrassed they would be if they ate the cake. The third group was not told anything.
In the first group, 40% of volunteers refused the treat, in the second — only 11%. And even the amount eaten in the groups was very different. Participants in the “proud” group ate an average of 34 grams of cake, in the other groups — twice as much. Thus, this feeling can influence our behavior even when we have not yet begun to experience it.
“Pride in moving towards a goal is the most conducive to perseverance,” notes David Desteno. He recalls that the diary of successes and achievements is still one of the most effective means of self-motivation.
The movement towards a dream usually does not resemble a smooth road: it is accompanied by ups and downs. When we record even the seemingly smallest steps towards success, we can see how we have grown and changed compared to the “yesterday” version of ourselves.
* «Mann, Ivanov and Ferber», 2020.
Беҳад таҳлили БЕСАВОДОНАВУ БЕМАНТИҚ !!!