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Couple: we can avoid the baby-clash!
Did you know ? 20% of mothers questioned during the survey conducted by WeMo, ms and the Elabe Institute admit having come close to separation after the arrival of an infant. And 66% have suffered the full brunt of the “baby-clash”, or couple’s crisis. Change of life, rhythm, fatigue, lack of communication, new responsibilities … “The arrival of a child causes a inevitable crisis for which few couples are really prepared ”, explains Yvon Dallaire, psychologist and author of“ Small exercise book for couples blooming under the duvet ”, (ed. Jouvence), and“ Who are these happy couples? ”( ed. Option Santé). “The couple is a melting pot. It is impossible for him to avoid fatigue, arguments and routine. But his challenge is not to mortgage love during this crucial period, ”adds the specialist.
Rule n ° 1. Never stop communicating!
Daily tasks leave little room for speaking time. While one feels overwhelmed with responsibilities, the other may have the feeling of being excluded of the mommy-baby or dad-baby relationship. Which causes frustration. To claim the help everyone needs and clear up misinterpretations, talk. “The couple must set aside 5 hours of one-on-one per week divided into small conversation sessions. Questions on the course of the days to come when you wake up, an update on the events and feelings in the evening, emotional manifestations, a nightly exchange and marks of appreciation are essential, ”recommends the psychologist.
Rule n ° 2. Don’t get overwhelmed by the past
A birth sometimes reactivates a family scenario badly lived in childhood of either parent. Fatigue helping, it happens that one is overwhelmed by memories and that one reproduces the “errors of education” of which one considers to have been the victim. Take stock of your common expectations. And if needed, establish the educational rules in writing that most resemble you. A good way not to give in to the past or emotional confusion, while remaining united.
Rule n ° 3. There are limits to be respected
Does your child have a spike in fever? Are you feeling exhausted from a series of consecutive bad nights? No need to unload your fatigue and panic on your partner. He is not responsible for your discomfort ! You need to take a step back to avoid at all costs your words overtaking your thoughts. To do this: recognize your fatigue and give yourself a break (nap, walk, restorative night in the living room or guest bedroom). You will come back more serene, able to lucidly manage these small daily hassles (so fleeting).
Rule n ° 4. Don’t lose sight of your feelings
Do not forget it ! Your child is the fruit of your love. If your new obligations happen to distract you from each other, you should also get closer. For that, create the opportunity. “Plan a weekly meeting to talk about your feelings, recall good memories and plan plans for the future,” explains Yvon Dallaire. A one-to-one dinner, a romantic stroll or even a weekend without your child… “Likewise, exchange marks of tenderness every day. Happy couples give each other 5 to 10 times more compliments than reproaches, ”concludes the psychologist.