Of course, it is possible to influence the formation of the character, the normal psychological qualities of the child, not only with the help of punishments. The effectiveness of punishments will be higher if they are used infrequently and against the background of rewards. Parents often pay the main attention to correcting the weaknesses and imperfections in the child’s behavior. It is much more pleasant and effective for both children and parents to educate with the help of manifestations of positive emotions and encouragement. And prohibitions, remarks and punishments should be extreme measures.
Some parents deliberately do not notice the successes and merits of the child, being afraid to spoil him with praise. But in the process of education, both punishment and encouragement are important, although adults often do not see a reason to praise a child. If he behaves well or has learned something new, it is usually taken as something natural and does not require rewards. In addition, it is believed that parents do not need special knowledge and skills to praise a child. But it is not always the case. For what and how should a child be praised?
Praise for the effort
Any effort made by a child, an attempt to achieve a goal, must be noted and encouraged. It doesn’t matter what results he came to, the main thing is to note the diligence, the faithful moral deed, since for some children the achievement of even low results requires great effort. It is impossible to leave this without a positive assessment. The fact that you appreciated, even a small, achievement of the child, will bring him a sense of success, joy, satisfaction from the work done, which will already be a reward.
Unfortunately, parents do not always use rewards correctly, they act according to the logic of natural consequences: take away toys — here’s a chocolate bar for you, get an «A» — get money for entertainment and sweets. As a result, the child will get used to doing any work or striving to achieve a goal only if this is followed by a reward. But such a reward may not always be at hand, and the unspoken rules established between you and the child will require it.
As a reward, the child should not be exempted from doing homework, otherwise he will perceive any work as something unpleasant and will be deprived of the joy of a job well done. He should not think that the end result is more important than the means to achieve it. Otherwise, external encouragement will be more important than a feeling of internal satisfaction, receiving a reward is more important than the joy from the process of overcoming difficulties.
How to praise a child so that he rejoices not at the reward for the work done, but at the very process of doing it?
It is necessary to emphasize, enhance his joy from overcoming difficulties, this will inspire him, inspire confidence in his strengths and abilities, cause a desire to achieve new results. How can a child be encouraged if not with gifts and release from unpleasant duties? As an encouragement, you can entrust him with the performance of an honorable duty. For example, watering flowers or washing not very dirty dishes.
For a child, this will be a serious game, a responsible task, which is usually performed by adults, but now entrusted to the child. He will certainly try to justify this trust in order to feel «like big».
Over time, these assignments can be replaced by other, more complex ones that the children will be happy to complete if you lead them to this correctly, i.e. in the appointment of additional duties, they saw not a measure of punishment, but a measure of privileged encouragement, for example, they allowed the child to use household appliances (vacuum cleaner, tape recorder, etc.).
Encouragement through the empowerment of the child is also possible. But first, parents must decide whether they are available to children of this age. Encourage unnecessarily «adult» rights of the child, too, should not be. The main thing is to ensure that this method increases the sense of personal responsibility and self-control, and confirms the successes that it has already achieved. Gratitude can also be an encouragement.
Parents should notice the spiritual sensitivity shown by children, kindness to loved ones, high moral behavior in a difficult situation. This is necessary for the normal development of the child.
Caress, kisses, stroking in reasonable amounts (not flattering and praising without taking into account actual achievements) are acceptable as encouragement and approval at any age, taking into account individual relationships. An overpraised child will try to avoid solving difficult problems, strive to receive praise in some other way, it will be difficult for him to adapt to life outside the family.
Consider individuality!
The choice of the method of encouragement depends on the capabilities, age limits and individual qualities of a particular child. At the same time, it is necessary to objectively take into account his mental individuality, type of nervous system, temperament and already acquired personality traits. What are the main types of personalities and what forms of encouragement will be most appropriate for them?
The first type represents indecisive and fearful children. They are more willing to act not alone, on their own, but under the guidance of adults or a more confident, skillful child. Children of this type tend to worry even for minor reasons, to worry about whether they will cope with the assigned task. Having successfully completed some work, they try to notice that others could do it better. These children tend to choose easier jobs for fear of failure and often need guidance.
Such children simply need to be praised and encouraged. Their achievements, no matter how small, should not be ignored. This will give them a sense of self-confidence. But at the same time, it is necessary to take into account the capabilities of the child, so as not to overwork him with frequent demands. Even anticipatory praise can be applied to such children to build their confidence in completing the task.
Children second type accurate and responsible to the point of pedantry. They want to complete any business with the highest possible result, mistakes are not acceptable for them, and if this happens, this is a reason for deep feelings. Such children try to choose the most difficult tasks and rarely admit to themselves that they are not able to cope with them. A child of this type will demand high results not only from himself, but also from others. He can expend a lot of effort and effort to carefully perform any work. However, he is not always able to separate the main from the secondary, so he often does not achieve the results that were planned.
Such children should also be praised more, but not only when achieving increased results. Praise for them will be more useful throughout the work, to help them realize the main meaning of the case, its depth. It is necessary to encourage and praise even when something failed, but attempts were made, efforts were made to complete the task. Anticipatory praise should not be applied to such children, it should be encouraged only for a specifically accomplished deed.
Third type children who are self-confident. They do a lot without much difficulty. Others will need more effort and effort to achieve the same results. When encouraging such children, one must be wary that self-confidence can develop into self-confidence, a constant need for success. Prolonged and focused efforts can become burdensome for the child. In addition, the achievements of others, not so significant, he can devalue, treat them with irony and even contempt. If you notice that this behavior is typical of your child, praise him only for what was the result of a serious effort, and especially for helping other children. Try to encourage any of his attempts to enjoy someone else’s success.