Power Saving Mode: How to Allow Yourself to Relax Without Guilt

Yesterday I didn’t leave the house all day long, I didn’t go out for a run or to the store. Some people might think I’m lazy. Frankly, I don’t care: I’ve done enough and deserve this rest.

It would seem that in the midst of a pandemic, the majority had much more time, including for themselves. But suddenly it turned out that there was nothing special to occupy this time with, and it was not customary in culture to do nothing. The society that instilled in us the idea that we need to be “faster, higher, stronger” condemns those who are chilling.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes right from the very morning I want to put aside all the “must”, “must”, “important” and even “it would be nice” and just do nothing. And by the way, it’s not as easy as it seems. We were taught that we should always be busy with something, or at least maintain such an appearance. Must follow a daily routine. To fuss, strive, achieve. Do what is required of us.

It’s not easy to let go of that mindset, sit back, and just do nothing. I recently discovered that what I expect of myself and what I think others expect of me is not at all consistent with being able to be idle in the slightest.

Then I made an effort and literally forced myself to do nothing. And you know what? I felt calmer. Turned off the phone and the Internet, took up something routine. Well, yes, it’s not the same as lying on the couch or aimlessly staring out the window, but it allowed my thoughts to wander. The day flew by faster than expected, and the anxiety I had struggled with for so long had subsided.

In difficult times, such as now, the state of uncertainty is most difficult. Therefore, it is so important to slow down, try not to make plans for the future, not to be tormented by fears about how everything will be. And just to be here and now, without loading yourself with a million important and not very important things.

There will always be something else, new obstacles to overcome. That is life. But to live it means not only to conquer more and more peaks and come out victorious from fights, but sometimes to relax. After all, what good is success to us if it is not accompanied by joy?

“It’s time to regain the skill to live feelings and lie quietly on the couch when the battery is dead”

Irina Yarsanova, existential psychologist

Slow down, stop, “hang” is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Consider that you have switched to power saving mode and your battery is charging. But if you do not listen to the need for rest, the nervous system will stop you. She chooses reliable and proven methods.

Imagine that your life is several communicating vessels, and you are the main one in the center. The rest are a partner, children, work, friends, hobbies, recreation, health, education, sports. That is, everything that is present in your life right now.

You yourself distribute where to direct your attention and strength. And if you direct the entire flow into one “vessel” – for example, into work – the rest remain empty, including yours. Friends are offended, the family is unhappy, why they bought a bicycle – it is not clear, they just spent the money in vain.

But the body always strives for homeostasis, which means it will try in every possible way to balance you. How does this happen?

First, an incomprehensible anxiety appears, becoming more and more noticeable to others, but remaining invisible to you. We have to make more and more efforts, pretending that everything is in order. Then you begin to “close” more and more, get tired faster, sleep poorly, become irritable. And now the “battery” of the village, the vessel is empty.

Let’s say you canceled everything, stayed at home. There was silence – and in this silence, almost immediately, an inner voice sounds: “How can you sit? You have a lot to do!” Or: “Pull yourself together! Get up, go! Run, do it! A social feeling of guilt or shame for absenteeism, nurtured in us in childhood, emerges, and in addition – the fear of not being able to do something, to miss something.

What to do with all these feelings? The main thing is not to turn off, not to deny, not to “anesthetize”. There is a very simple exercise that will help you live them. If you do it correctly, you will definitely feel calm and energized.

Behind any social feeling is a basic feeling. There are five of them: joy, fear, anger (anger), sadness and shame. There are no positive or negative among them, they are all inborn, and their direct purpose is to charge us, and not vice versa.

You once, in childhood, performed the actions described below automatically. You were completely absorbed in the game, and if you cried, then with your whole body. As they grew older, this natural mechanism weakened under the yoke of beliefs, rules and attitudes from the social environment and family.

It’s time to regain the vital skill of living feelings and lying quietly on the couch when the battery is dead!

An exercise

1. Sit comfortably in a chair or chair. Place your hands on your knees so that you are completely relaxed. Don’t close your eyes, look at your body. Relax your face.

2. Think about something specific that is bothering you right now.

3. Determine the underlying feeling. If it doesn’t work right away, call all the feelings in turn – and the body will definitely respond to the right one.

4. Find out where in the body this feeling “is”. What does it look like? Maybe it’s a lump, a brick?

5. What sensations does it cause: tension, squeezing, heaviness? Does it prick, cut?

6. Tell yourself: “I can be angry (fear / sad / ashamed / happy), I allow myself to feel (name what you feel).” Take your time, be in touch with your feeling and sensations. If any of them does not pass, mentally strengthen it.

Thoughts of the format: “Did I turn off the iron?” or put intrusive memories “into queue” to think about it later. Allow yourself to feel, feel. Choose the right words for this. The process of living usually ends with a deep involuntary exhalation and a feeling of relief.

7. End this exercise with a wish. Put your hand on your lower abdomen and voice your desire – for example: “I want ice cream.” It should be a simple desire – to yourself, for yourself, now.

Now go and do it.