When talking to a woman who has recently had a baby, you need to be very, very careful what you say. Young mothers are so thin-skinned.
If you have a child, then you know that maternal fatigue is a real hell. Dark circles under the eyes, shaking hands, there is no time and energy even to go to the shower. Until you try it on yourself, you will not understand, there is nothing to compare this state with. And when a young mother tries to complain about her condition, which is close to comatose, she is usually answered sympathetically: “You are just tired.” After all, postpartum depression in our country, unfortunately, is considered a whim.
One of these moms, journalist Candice Ganger, that if a woman complains, it means that she deserves serious attention. Don’t dismiss her! And for clarity, Candice translated the phrase “You’re just tired” into the language of a young mother. This is what they actually hear.
“You look awful”
It is clear that tired people do not look very nice. No, you are not helping the young mother feel better by hinting that she should look in the mirror more often. Or leave the house less often so that people are not frightened. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean it. Mom will hear just that.
“You need a better concealer.”
My god, I really thought I was just wearing makeup badly when I was told about fatigue. After all, I tried my best to look like a person who honestly sleeps the prescribed eight hours a day. But it turns out that nothing came of it! So I need a thicker concealer to cover up those creepy circles under my eyes.
“Can you feel anything else?”
You believe that all I feel is just because of fatigue. Headache? You’re just tired. Bad mood? I’m tired, I guess. Hair falling out? No, you’re just tired. Nobody wanted to hear what I was really saying. Any complaint is blamed on fatigue.
“You are the worst mother in the world”
Are you telling me about my fatigue, but at the same time you are not going to help me cope with cooking, cleaning, to give me at least a minute of rest? Then you better be silent. I know very well that all people, without exception, get tired. And since it’s only me who whines, it means that I’m not doing my job well. Plus, you don’t think I need help. So I’m doing VERY badly.
“It’s good that I’m not in your place”
It always seemed to me that people are frankly happy that they are spared a life full of vanity. They are even ready to pity me because I got such a fate. “How glad I am that my life turned out differently!” Rejoice in silence. I love my life no matter how tired I am.
“You will never get enough sleep again”
Thank you, Captain Obvious. You know everything about me, my life, about how much I sleep (or do not sleep). This is why you are pushing me closer to depression. Your stories about the stages of sleep don’t make me feel better. Do not try to convince me that everything is fine, everything is going as it should. You will only make it worse. And I do not have enough positive emotions.
“You are funny”
No, you’re all funny. Anyone who devalues my feelings simply because I’m a mom. A child completely changes your life. But not the brain. Don’t assume that all my feelings and emotions are rooted in lack of sleep.
Conclusion? It’s simple. Young mothers really need help. They need support. And more than the words “you’re just tired.” Anyway, words. Mom needs to be listened to at least once. Take her seriously. And help. Business.