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Fortunately, for some time now, it has been increasingly louder that the birth of a child is not a walk along a path strewn with petals of fragrant roses. It seems, however, that it is necessary to talk about it even more explicitly, because women who experience the world collapses after giving birth still hear from their relatives: Do not overdo it and pull yourself together.
Difficult beginnings
Women who are pregnant for the first time, even if they read everything in the words “pregnancy”, “childbirth” and “baby” within nine months, will not be able to predict what they will feel when the so far theoretical essence appears on that side of the curtain. There is no point in setting ourselves up for “a wave of overwhelming love, the existence of which I did not even suspect”, or for the excruciating crying and pleading of every person passing by the bed to collect “it” from sight, and preferably from within the reach of life.
Childbirth and the first moments with a newborn baby sometimes mean for a woman the need to face a swirl of intense and extremely extreme emotions, physical exhaustion and pain that has exceeded the limits of imagination, and a hormone swing worthy of American amusement parks.
This situation is so difficult that it can trigger several named and medically qualified reactions in the body.
Postpartum poles
The most common and mildest postpartum experience is postpartum depression, better known as baby blues.
Most likely, its cause is purely biological, more specifically, it is associated with hormonal fluctuations. Baby blues is characterized by tearfulness, irritation, sadness, anxiety for the baby.
– It usually occurs around day five after giving birth and can affect up to 80% of new mothers! It does not require treatment, lasts about a week and most often it passes spontaneously – says Alicja Rutkowska-Suchorska, a specialist psychiatrist and certified psychotherapist from Leszno.
On the other extreme, there is a more rare but incomparably more serious ailment: postpartum psychosis. While postpartum depression is called “baby blues”, psychosis could be safely called “baby death metal”. It is not only severe depression, but also delusions, confused thoughts, loss of the ability to logically associate facts, states of excitement or obsessive behavior. The psychotic state must be ruthlessly treated, and in this case, the relatives of the young mother should be particularly vigilant, because disorders of this caliber may end in the tragic death of the mother and child.
What the mother feels
More or less in the middle of the scale, in terms of music, the title postpartum depression is on the shelf with dark wave recordings.
It can turn into baby blues, it can appear without it or after a break, usually within 3-4 weeks after giving birth, but you should not stick to these time limits indiscriminately, but be vigilant.
No two mothers are the same, so there are no two identical postpartum depressions, but the typical symptoms include prolonged, deep sadness, tearfulness, inability to feel joy, attacks of anxiety or indifference, insomnia or a feeling of exhaustion and constant sleepiness, lack of sense, hypercritism towards yourself, blaming yourself for everything, lack of motivation to act and live. Additionally, there may be somatic symptoms: palpitations, appetite disturbances, abdominal pain.
It is a repertoire of feelings and behaviors typical of depression as such. However, we are dealing with postnatal depression, so the baby is an important factor. A woman may experience attacks of paralyzing fear for his health and life, be convinced that she is taking care of him badly, hurting him, not loving him enough, being a bad mother, and the situation is hopeless and will stay that way. The most serious problem and source of remorse for mothers suffering from postpartum depression is the awareness that they feel nothing for their baby; possibly it arouses reluctance in them. They have not been flooded by any wave of love, they are not touched by their tiny feet, they are finished and she would rather sleep than get up every quarter of an hour with a crying newborn or not be able to put it down for a moment, because the baby appears as a ball at the breast.
Mom is alone
The propaganda of the maternal idyll and the immortal memento of the Polish Mother, crushing the heads of Polish women, does not allow for the gradual and unforced development of love for the child; a creature that appeared unexpectedly, but very suddenly. The human organism, and even the superhuman mother’s body, is not a machine that emits gallons of love when it sees a newborn baby. Sometimes it takes time for this love and there is nothing wrong with it, and the feeling grown from a seed is not worse than that brought with the tsunami wave. Anyway, in this case there are no rules: a tsunami may appear immediately after giving birth to give way to indifference and fatigue after a week.
As long as a woman looks after and cares for the child, even if she does it only out of common sense and sense of responsibility, the situation is not dangerous. However, when there are signs of depression, vigilance is advisable:
If the depressive symptoms worsen over time, instead of improving and develops full-blown depression, the woman MUST be treated. With an emphasis on MUST, because untreated depression in a young mother is a life-threatening condition for her and her newborn. In a milder form, the mother may “only” not be able to look after the child, but in severe conditions, suicidal thoughts and tendencies appear, which may threaten the so-called extended suicide. A woman with symptoms of depression should not be left alone or alone with the baby! – warns Alicja Rutkowska-Suchorska.
No blame
This vision is not intended to frighten, but to make people realize that the problem of postpartum depression is real and serious. These are not the imaginations of a tired young mother. You must not wave your hand at disturbing symptoms, or say comforting words: “Don’t be hysterical, you were not the first to give birth to a child” and shake your head scoldingly. Such a reaction will only confirm that a depressed woman is a bad mother, that she is not suitable, cannot cope and hurts her child because she has no feelings for him. Can you imagine more pressure? Alicja Rutkowska-Suchorska says: – Reluctance or indifference towards a child is not normal symptoms, but it happens to many women shortly after giving birth. And there is no point in blaming yourself for what you feel, only talking about it with your loved ones, and when you need to, without hesitation, go to the doctor, ask a psychiatrist for help. Important Family Tip: Blaming yourself for “I’m a bad mother” can be one symptom of postnatal depression.
Depression is treated pharmacologically: with antidepressants, sometimes in combination with hormone therapy and psychotherapy. The research shows that the new generation of antidepressants with the mother’s milk get to the baby’s blood to a minimum extent, but if you need to give up breastfeeding, don’t worry: a calm and healthy mother with a bottle of milk is a hundred times better option for a baby than a breast. a mother who is unhappy and has unjustified grief for herself.
Caring not only for the baby
It is difficult to identify risk factors for postpartum depression. It is said that her past depressive episodes, a woman’s nervous nature, low social status or single motherhood are conducive to her, but nothing is certain. You just need to be aware that depression can happen to any woman is not a reason to be ashamed, it does not mean that you are a bad mother, that it can be treated easily and effectively, and in case of any symptoms it is best to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Or take his wife, sister, friend to see him.
– Women with severe postpartum depression are most often brought to me by their family. Often their condition is so bad that they require hospitalization. How many of them never go to a psychiatrist? I do not know. He certainly hears a lot: “Get a grip” – admits Alicja Rutkowska-Suchorska.
Postnatal depression affects 10-20% of women who have recently had a baby. They should be relieved to know that they are not alone, the only ones distinguished by the anti-gift of being a bad mother, as they themselves believe. This depression is treatable, so it is imperative that you get treatment; for yourself or for a close woman. When she feels good, she will be able to focus not only on enjoying having a baby, but also lovingly caring for the new mother.