So, my husband and I have the task “Positive topics”, sprint: “Harmonious relations”. And what is difficult, I think? Here are four themes:
- Do we need a car. If yes, which one.
- Discuss the movie you’ve seen.
- Discuss the text read by both on the Internet.
- Discuss the beauty of nature.
It wasn’t there…
Performing such a seemingly simple exercise shook the foundations of our relationship to the very bottom, although I must admit that the conversation was conducted carefully, and we discussed the “topic about topics” quite correctly, although earlier we would have fallen into accusations from the first words (and I clearly saw these holes and bypassed). In the process, there were emotional and insignificant outbursts from the husband in the style of “it’s a shame somehow”, “why is it so”, as well as rhetorical questions, and this also had to be creatively interacted with.
So: I invited my husband to “approve” topics for conversation from both sides.
At first, I stated that we are 95% talking about problems, and I don’t remember the topics that would keep attention and improve mood, and even coincide with both.
Then we started discussing a specific topic, we came to the conclusion that we were pulling the blanket over ourselves in a conversation and because of this, communication was not very pleasant. At the same time, they recognized that if the blanket is not pulled over, then they will not show a second concern. We surprisingly calmly agreed with such a difficult statement, although we would have already clutched at the throat. It was decided that without work on care from both sides, there can be no pleasant topics.
For example: the husband suggested the topic “to dream about how he will learn to draw in Paris.” But there was already a case when I agreed to his studies and as a result was only at a loss — no gratitude, no extra money. Accordingly, I understand that it will be “on you, wife, children, cope with work and study at the same time, I went.” There will also be no moral compensation. What’s the nice topic here?
Piece of dialogue:
He: — And if we discuss the beauty of nature?
Me: – I don’t remember that discussing something like this cheered up someone.
He: — Yes, because we start arguing who understands more about beauty.
Me: — But I remember that when I finally enter the topic and start to spill like a nightingale, exactly at that moment your face frowns …
Him: Here’s the bad news. When you spill like a nightingale, I drown in a stream of words and do not understand anything anymore.
Me: — To be honest, I hardly understand how to talk about lyrical topics without this. The grass is turning green, the sun is shining, so we talked, nice and good?
Him: “That’s where it got embarrassing. Why not without flow?
Me: — Now we will again run into whether it is possible or not, and someone will remain a loser. The question is how to both remain satisfied with the conversation.
Solids:
1. Pull the blanket over. Not without reason: we do not care about each other, we substitute.
2. We talk either about problems, or on abstract topics, or we drain tension in a playful dialogue.
3. Neither pleasant nor serious communication is really set up.
4. The image of “how we should communicate” is absent from the husband.
My crazy conclusion at the end: But how do we manage to communicate and be together? And it’s not all that bad.