Positive reinforcement is something that happens at the same time as an action and leads to an increase in the likelihood of this action in the future. Once again, it is important: unlike rewards, which can be given much later than the event (awarded according to the results of the competition), reinforcement should occur exactly at the same moment as the desired action itself. Well, or immediately after it — the main thing is that in the head (soul, body) these two moments are organically connected into one whole.
What is positive reinforcement in life? These are very different things.
In life, it can be difficult to figure out who reinforces what in a given situation. When the experimenter reinforces the dog’s salivary reflex by flashing the light, he controls the dog’s behavior. But to the extent that the dog can control the blinking of the light, it also controls the behavior of the experimenter …
Mom calls the child, he came running — she hugged him and kissed him. positive reinforcement. The child clung to her mother for this, the mother melted … This is also a positive reinforcement, but here the child already controls the behavior of the mother so that she does what he likes more often.
Positive reinforcement is an effective tool, but few people know how to use it effectively, thinking through all the consequences. When parents approach the child, they reinforce the behavior that the child is doing at that time. If parents approach a small child when he smiles, take him in his arms when he reaches for them, talk to him when he walks with them — they raise a calm, cheerful, positive and loving child. If parents are very busy and approach the child only when he screamed or peed, they are raising someone who will increasingly cry and piss.
The boy was frightened, clung to his mother — his mother stroked his head, he felt good. What will happen next? Then it will be more often next to my mother — to be afraid …
Unfortunately, natural positive reinforcers reinforce not only what we like, but everything. what happens well. The child successfully lied, they believed him — he liked it, he will be inclined to this in the future. On the other hand, if he was afraid, but told you the truth and you supported him, expressed your respect to him, you gave positive reinforcement to the habit of telling the truth.
Our habit of saying kind words to our loved ones, the habit of thanking even for the little things (for a delicious breakfast, for a pleasant or useful conversation, and just for the joy of being together), the habit of showing signs of attention is the most valuable arsenal that strengthens our relationships and makes it possible to build the relationships we need.
Show your child your good feelings
By praise, we usually mean sentences with the word «You»: «You are so brave!» «You’re doing fine!» «You helped me so much!» Praise with the I-message is even more effective: «I am very proud of you!» «I am very pleased!». «Normal» praise shows the child: «My parents see that I’m good at something.» And praise with the I-message: “What I do is very important to my parents. My behavior makes them feel good. We are one.» This kind of praise creates intimacy.
Emotions can be expressed without words. Spontaneous hugs, a gentle look, a smile, gentle stroking — all this penetrates the child right into the heart and has a response: the newborn smiles, the 2-year-old climbs onto your knees and hugs your neck, the 4-year-old gives you a kiss. Our children have an amazing ability to awaken good emotions in us in various ways. The positive cycle begins to move, especially if we are ready to see it and show our positive emotions.