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No matter how much regulators struggle with the spread of “adult” content, the Internet is filled with frivolous media files. Moreover, often the heroines do not even suspect that their photos or videos were freely available through the efforts of former fans. What makes men do this?
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Many couples film each other during sexual games. Some men like pornographic photos and videos of their wives or girlfriends. They explain it like this: “This is someone I know and love. And she’s definitely not faking it.” “She is really excited, I was with her then and besides, I recognize these sounds very well.” “I love her, I like to watch her squirm with pleasure – it excites much more than the simulated passion of some porn stars.”
“Others generally prefer amateur shots to glamor posters of porn actresses and models, as they seem to flaunt their sexuality on purpose. This is partly true, and the professionals themselves do not hide it. Homemade porn gives men more pleasure: after all, women in the photo seem “their own” and it is easier to imagine that they know each other and even had sex, ”explains clinical psychologist David Lay.
But what if the guy promises his ex-girlfriend to destroy the joint homemade porn, but does the opposite? Persuades a woman to drop candid shots, and then puts them on the Web without asking? Uses a hidden camera to shoot intimate scenes, shamelessly breaking the boundaries of privacy?
Many women have already suffered from such publications.
We consider such acts immoral and offensive. Special laws are being passed, public outrage is growing over porn revenge web resources, where people post such photos to humiliate, shame or frame former lovers, the psychologist writes.
The problem is relevant for many countries, and many women have already suffered from such publications. Some have tried asking site operators to remove their images, only to be met with rude ridicule and accusations of depravity.
A couple of years ago, a serious incident occurred in the US Army: it was discovered that about 30 thousand active and retired Marines were exchanging pictures of naked colleagues in a closed Facebook group. Most news outlets have described the egregious incident as a “nude photo scandal,” but I’d like to clarify. None of the women gave permission for their publication. These were not just “naked photos”. It was an uncoordinated, massive porn revenge.
A decent person will never publish other people’s photos without permission.
Here is the explanation given by the American Civil Rights Cyber Defense Institute: “The term “revenge porn” is used often, but not quite correctly. Many offenders do not act out of revenge or personal motives towards the victim. Such cases are more properly referred to as “unsolicited pornography,” which means the public posting of sexual images of people without their consent.”
What is most interesting, most often frivolous photographs fall into the wrong hands just with voluntary consent. In any case, this is where it all starts. When we are infatuated, flirting with someone and want to attract the attention of a new or potential crush, the exchange of candid photos is perceived as part of the courtship ritual. For the vast majority, this is a way of sexual expression, writes David Lay.
Unfortunately, we often send these pictures without a clear prior agreement about what will be done with them – soon or if the relationship ends. Many men have nude photos of ex-partners or girlfriends.
But acting ethically means asking for permission to keep pictures and videos as a keepsake, even if you break up, or agreeing right away how best to deal with them. A woman should not be afraid that one day the pictures will be on a dubious site or on social networks. A decent person will never publish other people’s photos without permission.
Scandals with naked photos have become almost a common occurrence: photos of celebrities and public figures are walking around the Web without clothes or with a minimum of it. The guys, meanwhile, post homemade porn. It is unlikely that it will be possible to unambiguously answer why they do this, no matter how much one would like to call them notorious misogynists.
However, not everything is so simple: men publish prohibited content for various reasons, due to many nuances and contexts. Before taking on a solution to a global problem, it does not hurt to understand what drives them, says the psychologist.
According to Dr. Lay, he repeatedly asked men (including his patients) who had ever posted intimate photos of women they knew on the Web why they needed it. Here’s what they say most often.
1. To show other men and yourself what an unsurpassed macho he is.
He not only had sex with this beauty, but she also agreed to film the process! This is called Candaulism, after the Lydian king Candaules. He persuaded his own adviser Giga to spy on the queen, the wife of Kandavl. When the woman found out about this, she put Giga in front of a choice: die himself or kill her husband-entertainer and share her bed and throne with her. Guess what Gig chose.
2. To get back at a woman for leaving and hurting his feelings
Not wanting to admit that feelings still remain, and certainly not thinking about the opportunity to understand himself, the man goes berserk and tries to put the “traitor” in his place. Some even go so far as to post their personal data and incriminating facts along with the photographs of the victim.
3. To compete who is cooler
Members of online communities of this type seem to compete with each other. Like, others have already boasted of their pornography, now it’s my turn. They believe that they are doing the right thing, striving not only to consume, but also to give content. It seems to them that this is a very noble goal. But in fact, this is a real sabotage.
4. Because he’s an idiot
Some men don’t really understand how small the world has become and how easy it is to trace the path from content to the specific woman in the photo or video.
5. Because he’s mad at all the women in the world
This is less common, mostly in high-profile cases of revenge porn. In the history of the military, it is almost obvious that some men are irritated by the growing number of women in the army and recognition of their achievements.
6. Because he thinks women will get excited and want him right away.
No matter how wild it may sound, some men are turned on by the thought of how crowds of women will look at his frivolous photos. They seriously believe that it excites everyone in general, and do not want to understand that female sexuality is arranged differently.
I would very much like men who post intimate photos of their girlfriends on the Web without their knowledge and consent to think about what this leads to. When a man does this, a woman loses her healthy desire for sexual expression and henceforth she will not share her candid photos. It feeds fear, aversion to sex, distrust of the world and, above all, of men.
A man can remain decent and ethical by exchanging sexy pictures with partners and girlfriends. But first you need to learn how to keep everything a secret and not show anyone without her consent.
Society will continue to face similar incidents until women and men are purposefully educated on the ethical approach to sexual integrity, and explicit photography in particular. The strategy of such training should be comprehensive and thought out to the smallest detail. Primitive explanations that do not take into account the complex background of the problem of inconsistent pornography do not fit here.
About the author: David J. Lay, clinical psychologist, expert in the psychology of sexuality, author of The Myth of Sex Addiction, Ethical Porn for Dummies.