Psychologists and sexologists continue to argue about whether there is an addiction to pornography and whether viewing it can harm our sex life in any way. So, is it bad to watch porn?
Pornography is devoted to 12% of all sites. Almost 30 Internet users visit them every second in the world. One explanation for the growing popularity of the porn genre is the difficulty in building interpersonal relationships that could lead to sex. But studies to clarify what is the cause and what is the effect have not yet been conducted.
Why are we doing this?
Sexologist Irina Ayriyants names three main reasons for turning to pornography: the desire to see the embodiment of their fantasies, the lack of close relationships and the incentive to masturbate.
“The reason may also be the situation when we want to maintain a relationship with a partner who does not share our desires,” she adds. “For example, he or she doesn’t like oral sex, and so we enjoy watching oral sex videos and imagining that this is happening to us. In this case, pornography fills the existing gap in sensuality and can be considered part of a perfectly healthy relationship.
Some report resorting to pornography even when having consistently satisfying sex «for variety and autonomy.» But the one who is too embarrassed to explain his desires to his partner risks turning them into a secret that is increasingly difficult to talk about. The feeling of having to hide something can create feelings of guilt and alienation between partners.”
Pornography satisfies, first of all, not sexual, but psychological needs.
Psychologist Patrick Carnes, who pioneered the study of sex addiction, identified four core beliefs that are characteristic of pornography addicts. Typically, these people come from troubled families and experience physical or emotional abuse.
They describe themselves like this: “I’m bad”, “I’m worthless”, “No one will love me the way I am”, “If I become dependent on someone, my desires will never be satisfied”, “ sex is my most important need.”
According to Irina Ayriyants, in this case, pornography primarily satisfies not sexual, but psychological needs: sex is mixed with self-care and becomes one of the usual ways to relieve stress, including non-sexual ones.
It is addiction?
Sexuality researcher Erik Janssen believes that the term «addiction» does not apply to excessive consumption of pornography and that such an interpretation will not help get rid of addiction. Psychologist Mary Ann Leiden disagrees.
She believes that there is reason to talk about porn addiction: “One of the defining features of addiction is the development of tolerance towards the substance that causes it. Dependence on drugs leads to an increase in the dose. To achieve the same level of arousal, porn addicts need to watch increasingly hard and extreme videos.”
Those who consider porn to be a form of addiction find that online pornography is more dangerous due to its greater availability. Being able to visit porn sites anonymously significantly reduces the feeling of personal responsibility.
Way to boost confidence?
32-year-old Galina, looking through the browser history on her computer, discovered that her husband is a frequenter of porn sites: “I was horrified to realize that he does this all the time and, apparently, for a long time. Doesn’t he have enough of me?»
Family psychotherapist Inna Shifanova is convinced that interest in porn sites often has nothing to do with dissatisfaction: “Psychotherapist Milton Erickson once said: you can order your penis to lie down, but you can’t order it to get up!
The thought of sex causes anxiety in many men, because with it comes the question: will I succeed? Watching porn causes excitement and allows you to make sure that the body is in order and everything is working. In addition, women rarely fully realize the social pressure that men experience: society requires constant sexual activity from them, or at least readiness, otherwise “you are not a man.”
Pornography spurs men’s sexual fantasy and helps them maintain the feeling that they live up to the sought-after image of «macho», even when in reality they have one partner or none at all. Thus, they add to themselves both sexual and social confidence.
And the women?
Women also watch porn, and not only with partners. “When I have a man, I usually have enough of him,” 43-year-old Larisa, a lonely XNUMX-year-old, confesses. — But when the break between novels drags on, I always take some porn movie. It brings back my interest in sex and makes me feel like a woman who has desire.”
However, not everyone takes their interest in porn with the same calmness. 19-year-old Marina doubted her normality: “I masturbated for a long time, watching videos on the Web. Then I thought that something was wrong with me, since I was so interested in it. I tried to stop, but nothing worked. I went to a psychotherapist to get rid of this habit. However, she allowed me to continue as much as I wanted, without hesitation. Soon, the desire to masturbate to the video noticeably decreased.”
Inna Shifanova recalls that interest in sex as such has long been considered acceptable only for men, but by no means for women: “Many even close friends find it embarrassing to admit their sexual curiosity. And if it occurs, it can be very embarrassing and lower self-esteem. In this case, the real problem is not porn and sex, but self-condemnation.”
Pornography, on the other hand, can turn into a serious problem when it does not support the desire for sexual relations with a real partner, but completely displaces them, leaving a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction in the soul.