What is the most important thing in family life? Or, more precisely, what can be considered the most important thing in family life?
For myself, I singled out two points — these are, firstly, the relations of the allies (we are moving towards a common goal together).
Secondly, maintaining a balance between giving and taking. I already wrote about both points earlier — see the links at the end of the note.
But recently I suddenly saw a third moment. I saw it and was a little surprised. At first I didn’t even believe it, but then I began to peer and realized that I had found an important thing.
I’m talking about politeness.
Yes seriously. I’m talking about simple courtesy. Well, there, “good morning, dear,” “thank you for a delicious dinner, my love,” and stuff like that.
It turns out that in many marriages there is no smell of any courtesy. Feel free to doubt. Lack of household courtesy is the norm for a huge number of families. I won’t give a percentage, but according to observations, there are very, very many such families. You just have to take a look.
What is there instead of politeness? What I call household rudeness.
Domestic rudeness is exactly the same rudeness as a tram, only at home and with relatives. It’s a little softer and less noticeable.
Here is an example to illustrate. A man wants to be alone, a woman wants to talk. He can’t stand it and barks: “BACK OFF!” This is household rudeness. Even the most persistent woman can get her message across without a shout or a big word.
Another example. The woman met her man’s friends for the first time. I met and blurted out, they say, what kind of morons they are. Here again — domestic rudeness.
When a man calls the books his wife reads stupid junk, this is everyday rudeness.
When a woman calls her husband’s passion useless nonsense — this is everyday rudeness.
I will not give more examples — the idea is clear, I’m sure. Everyday rudeness is the enemy of a happy marriage, without a doubt. And everyday politeness, without a doubt, is an important part of family life.
The question may arise — what about when the words are torn from the tongue? What — to restrain their spontaneity and sincerity, to replace living language with an emasculated literary one? Pull on the masks of white and fluffy townsfolk?
I will simply answer yes. And I will add: if sincerity and spontaneity are more important to you than your loved one, then he is not close to you. Because you wish well to your loved one and restrain yourself so as not to hit — whether with a word, with a hand …
Yes. Hold on. Stop. Turn on your head and realize that this is your loved one. Your wife. Your husband. Now you can choose to be sincere and blurt out as it is, from the heart. Or you can think and find words that will convey the same thought without injury or damage.
I know it’s not easy. But if a person is close to you — make an effort on yourself, watch your language.
Household rudeness is the enemy of your marriage. A strong enemy — maybe even stronger than treason. So don’t let him win.
Learn to stop, learn to find gentle words for a loved one. It won’t stifle your emotions, it will just civilize their expression.
And the marriage is strong.