We are afraid to offend, anger and disappoint the people we refuse. And we are also afraid of harming already established good relationships. But is our reliability always beneficial? And how to learn to say “no” without prejudice to the interests of your and your loved ones?
How to learn to tactfully refuse and minimize stress in a situation where you need to say “no”? 10 steps from the master of time management Leo Babouta will help you rebuild your mind and become more decisive. After all, agreeing to other people’s requests, we risk not only our own interests, but also the needs of our loved ones.
1. Learn to value your time. Make a list of responsibilities: work, children, home, time for yourself, personal life. Isn’t it a very tight schedule? Don’t you need a really weighty reason to break it?
2. Decide on priorities. What is more important to you – a long-planned dinner with your parents or a get-together with a friend who just needs to occupy the evening? Going to a nightclub with colleagues or preparing an important project? This can only be decided by you. The main thing is to be aware.
3. Say “no” more often. Repetition is the mother of learning. The more often you say “no” to annoying petitioners, the more easily this word flies from your lips. And sometimes the categorical chord “no and no again” is the only way to convey your position to others.
Don’t take on too much. Excessive workload reduces your productivity and jeopardizes the entire workflow
4. Don’t apologize. We usually preface the rejection with a polite apology. But they are what give some people a reason to think that we feel guilty and, if pressured, are quickly ready to back down. You must be firm: protect your time until the last minute.
5. Don’t try to please everyone. Many insecure people try to earn universal approval by following the lead of others. They believe that their gentleness and willingness to help will be appreciated. People get used to it and start taking your kindness for granted. You didn’t want that, did you?
6. Try to say no to your boss. Your boss once again loaded you with work until late at night. You think that by turning down numerous tasks, you will demonstrate your unwillingness to give all the best. But too much work reduces your productivity and jeopardizes your entire workflow. Why not explain to your boss that you can do much better with his instructions, following a clear plan with a list of priority tasks? And let them not go beyond the working day.
7. Anticipate the attack of petitioners. It’s much easier to let them know you’re busy before the request is made. For example, you know that at the planning meeting they will try to dump other people’s duties on you. Play it safe by announcing in advance that you have just embarked on a new challenging task and are loaded.
Instead of giving an answer right now, say what you think and let us know your decision
8. “I’ll think about it.” Instead of giving an answer right now, say what you think and report your decision. This will give you time to carefully consider your priorities and consider the pros and cons of giving up. Also, delayed rejection looks less rude.
9. “Maybe next time.” If there is something in the voiced proposal that attracts you not now, but in the long term, it is better to limit yourself to the following phrase: “I think this is a good idea, but now I don’t have time at all. Perhaps you could contact me about this…tomorrow/in a week/in a month and so on.”
10. “I’m the problem.” The classic excuse for breaking up with a partner works in other situations. However, it is important to be sincere here. Is the request with which you were addressed worthy of all attention and natural? Admit it, compliment the petitioner, but say that, unfortunately, something didn’t work out this time.
About expert
Leo Babauta — Creator of blog about minimalism and productivity Zen Habits, author of e-books.