Contents
Psychology
Imagine for a moment the following situation: you have been with your partner for months, you go out for a walk or dinner and on the way you meet an acquaintance who he does not introduce you to and you do not even know who he is. They have a conversation in which you do not interact at any time, as if you were not there. How would you feel? This could define the so-called pocketing, or in the words of Silvia Sanz, a specialized psychologist and sexologist, «is a lack of commitment and desire which manifests itself in not showing the relationship to the world ».
In the digital age, a series of new terms ending in -ing (coming from the Anglo-Saxon language) have appeared that come to define multiple actions that have existed throughout life in couple relationships, only now they can be given a name that define them more easily. As it happened with the famous ghosting, which is to ignore the other person until he realizes that everything is over or that there is no interest in maintain any kind of link pocketing arrives, which is used to define when one of the members of the relationship is not in the task of presenting their relationship or their relatives, or on social networks, among other areas. «You stay in your pocket because your love, which is already consolidating, is not known by your friends or families, nor do you appear together on social networks. You are stored or bagged », says the expert Silvia Sanz.
Pocketing warning signs
A relationship is two, so if you do to meet your friends and take your partner or organize family meals to integrate it and for your part you do not see any type of movement, it is very likely that you are being a victim of pocketing. “The first thing to know if your relationship is not located where you want, would be to ask your partner what he wants from that relationship you have and at what point he is,” explains the psychologist, adding that “yes, instead , he makes excuses when he meets his friends and does not invite you, he is an active person in social networks but he does not publish photos of you and do not stay in public places In order not to meet people you know who find out about you, set off the alarms because they are a series of specific behaviors that define pocketing ». It advises, however, to speak with the other party to understand the behavior and in this way not to jump to conclusions.
In addition, you have to keep one thing clear and very present if you think that your partner is pocketing you: it is not because of you, so you are not to blame for their behavior. These are other factors that are probably not within your reach and that he does not know how to explain it to you.
Reasons for pocketing:
Silvia Sanz says that the reasons can be infinite and that the first reason for the confusion comes because the couple is not prepared to tell what happens and does not know how to explain their behavior in case it is not understood or accepted. Regarding this, there are different situations for which you could be suffering from pocketing:
— You have not closed the relationship with your ex well and you don’t want to hurt the other person.
– You can have a parallel relationship.
— It is not clear yet the relationship with you and just need more time before you get involved in their social and family life.
– Maybe his previous story failed and he is afraid to show the world a new one for fear that it will not work and face again what they will say.
– It could be a nosy person that he does not like to air his sentimental life.
– That don’t want to commit more than you have today.
– Theme lose their individuality and their own identity by having a partner and giving yourself that label in front of the world.
“There are as many reasons as there are people and the important thing is to be able to communicate with the other and know if you are aligned in the same sense,” advises the psychologist Silvia Sanz, so first of all it would be necessary to establish the preferences in the relationship, to know what is willing to give each of the parts and when expectations are clear, take a step forward. «If you both have different expectations, different times and you do not reach a negotiation, perhaps it is time to make a decision, wait a while and be flexible or decide on a breakup if it does not give you what you want and does not show you to the world », advises the sexologist.
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