Pleasures: how to use

Anyone who has ever been unbearably bored on a magnificent sandy beach, when all around the sea, the sun and thousands of things that, it would seem, one can only dream of, knows the sad truth: there is nothing in the world that could always and everywhere invariably bring any of us pleasure. Even such “right” ways to cheer up and please yourself, like wine, sugar or tobacco, lose their charm over time. A lot of chocolate doesn’t mean a lot of fun; by consuming in vast quantities what we like, we can only achieve satiety. It turns out that neither heavenly external circumstances, nor the most potent means “for oral administration” can automatically guarantee us the pleasure that is so necessary in the life of each of us.

How can we fill our lives with pleasure, avoiding disappointments and not harming ourselves with excesses?

To focus

Active study of the psychological mechanisms underlying human pleasure began in the United States in 1998, when, following the founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, dozens of psychologists and psychotherapists took up the matter. “To understand as accurately as possible what people feel in moments of the highest delight and why they experience it,” one of these scientists, the famous psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, formulated his main task.

What does a musician think about while enjoying the sounds of Bach’s suite for cello solo? Why do some women love ironing so much? 25 years of observation and analysis allowed Csikszentmihalyi to make an important discovery: pleasure is directly related to our ability to focus. If we are completely absorbed in what we are doing, if we are concentrated and able for some time not to be distracted by extraneous things or thoughts, if we make the efforts necessary for a long enough time to achieve the set (and interesting to us) goal, then we will reach the state of “optimal experiences.” The scientist called it “flow” (English flow). “The state of the flow does not arise from the imperative “I must”, the flow is that “I like it, I want to do it and I do it with pleasure,” explains psychologist Tamara Gordeeva. And it doesn’t matter what exactly we do: we do responsible work, work with a child or bake chicken breast with cheese …

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Live in the present

The modern view of psychologists on the meaning and mechanism of obtaining pleasure is very far from our usual image of the pursuit of pleasure, from the desire to consume as much as possible or feel as intensely as possible. Martin Seligman and his followers suggest that we move from the cult of “powerful” pleasures, which take us far from ourselves, to the “small” joys of everyday life, which are always at our disposal. “Concentrate on momentary pleasures, such as the taste of sweet strawberries or the warmth of the sun, which pleasantly warms your body when you step out of the shadows,” suggests an American psychologist. Sonja Lyubomirsky. To unlock the ability to enjoy every moment, Sonya Lubomirsky advises mentally “photographing” moments of joy and turning to this emotional “reserve” when it is not easy for us. By ceasing to perceive pleasure as an element to be surrendered to, forgetting about everything in the world, we will be able to consciously enjoy ordinary life, and attention to its details will return taste and meaning to simple things that surround us every day.

see the meaning

How does this “positive minimalism” allow us to live with pleasure? To really feel the taste of life, we need to find our meaning in everything we do and what happens to us. “Our occupation can be difficult and demanding, but if we see the point in it, then we will do it with pleasure,” says Tamara Gordeeva. For example, the joy of such a pleasant activity as playing with your own beloved child will be much more complete if you remember that now, in the game, we are also teaching him the most important things in life. It is even more pleasant to realize that, playing with us, he becomes more independent, with our help he grows and matures – then any football mini-match or picking up a puzzle will be able to cause us a state close to ecstasy. “The feeling of happiness comes when our forces are directed towards achieving a goal that surpasses us,”* recalls Martin Seligman.

listen to yourself

But it turns out that this is not enough. In addition to searching for meaning, “positive minimalism” is about keeping in touch with the deepest part of our personality, with our “I”. French psychotherapist Helene Roubeix believes that true pleasure is achieved only when we listen to what is happening inside us: “Our five senses give us access not only to the outside world, but also to the inner. This allows us to learn to enjoy listening and looking at ourselves, how we “feel our feelings”. Enjoying life means simultaneously enjoying external and internal sensations, appreciating the external world and being able to rejoice at what is happening inside us.

Work hard

Pleasures elude the one who constantly pursues them, wants to master them, take them by force, get them at any cost. Pleasures are easier and more generous for those who find a gentle approach to them (and to themselves). This does not mean that we should sit and wait passively for pleasure to rain down on us in a blessed rain: it is worth making an effort to experience it, but this effort is not aimed at chasing after the sensation of pleasure, but at our life as a whole.

“Of course, a life without pleasure is an unimportant life,” continues Tamara Gordeeva. “But pleasure cannot be the ultimate goal – it occurs naturally, as a by-product of our activities, when we are active and we have something to strive for.” Many people think that it is pleasure that allows us to feel that we do not live in vain, completely, for real. But it is very worth looking at it from the other side: only by living our life day by day – with all its gifts and trials, we receive the keys to the treasury of true pleasures.

* Martin Seligman, The New Positive Psychology. Sofia, 2006.