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Communicate your ideas to colleagues, listen carefully (and hear) the other, be ready to neutralize aggression, not be afraid to express your opinion and insist on your own … How to talk about business? Expert recommendations.
In the competitive world of large corporations, communication is more about domination than information. It is not easy for colleagues in such an environment to hear each other: they experience stress and dissatisfaction from having to participate in this imitation of a dialogue. “The main problem of most companies is that they hold their meetings in only two formats,” says coach Evgeny Kreslavsky. – The first is a reporting meeting, when participants report on what has been done. The second is the “communal kitchen”, when everyone expresses their views, meetings last for hours, and no decisions are made. If we want to build cooperation, we need to minimize talking about the past, which risks turning into a discussion of someone’s failures and miscalculations or provoking mutual accusations and a surge of negative emotions. On the contrary, a well-structured discussion of future projects creates an atmosphere of joint creativity, open expression of ideas, which means trust and benevolence.” In such an environment, everyone feels that he is heard and his opinion is respected. If such a discussion is limited in time, and its participants are sincere and play by the rules, everyone can find their place in the common cause without adapting, without the risk of rejection and without resorting to masks.
Speak at the meeting
Anyone who decides to take the floor should clearly understand why he is doing this and what he wants to achieve, Evgeny Kreslavsky believes: “It is useful to ask yourself about the true motives of my speech: do I want to benefit the cause or show others that I am able to generate ideas, be leader? Prepare your presentation in a positive way, based on how your proposals are in the interests of the company. And remember: if everyone wants to convey their truth, disputes are inevitable.
“Listen carefully to your colleagues: be friendly, focused, look the speaker in the eyes, do not interrupt, show with a nod of your head or facial expressions that you understand the speaker’s point and are interested in what you hear,” advises business coach Steve Nakamoto*. It is better to avoid fussy movements, do not step back and do not cross your arms over your chest – these bodily signals can be perceived as closeness, unwillingness to hear a colleague, rejection of what has been said. When it’s your turn to speak, start by thanking the previous speakers for food for thought. Express your thoughts clearly and to the point. For those who are nervous, it is advisable to take the floor among the first. Do not speak too loudly – this can be perceived as a sign of insecurity and irritation.
“In order for the idea to find a response, it is necessary to prepare the audience for it,” Evgeny Kreslavsky continues. Russians are especially prone to denial. In the study “One Speech Day”, conducted under the guidance of philologist Alexander Asinovsky, the particle “not” was the second most frequently used after the pronoun “I”. Therefore, before you propose your idea at a meeting of a large team, it is worth first talking about it to those who are directly affected by it. Then it will become “their own” for many, and subsequently it will not be perceived with hostility.” What if you still don’t agree? Make it clear that you have heard objections. This way you neutralize the conflict and can move on to the argument.
Criticize a colleague
The main rule: praise in public, reproach in private. Moreover, compliments must be sincere, well-deserved and specific, otherwise the interlocutor will understand that he is simply being manipulated. If you need to make a remark, put yourself in the place of a colleague. How would you like to hear criticism? Knowing his personal qualities, guess how he will take reproaches. When you have to criticize a subordinate, you should be even more delicate. “Start a conversation with a discussion of what is going well – the employee must know that he is valued, his contribution to the common cause is noticed,” Evgeny Kreslavsky advises. “Then, also based on the facts, show where his actions were wrong.” Talk about how you feel using a neutral “I” rather than an accusatory “you.” For example, instead of a sharp “You failed,” it is better to express your subjective opinion: “I got the impression that I should have done differently.” If appropriate, add “I may be wrong” and listen for explanations. When criticizing, one should not lose sight of the mitigating circumstances that a colleague speaks of, but end well with an expression of the hope that the criticism will be taken into account.
Read more:
- Being a leader does not mean always being ahead
“Live speech is always free” Ekaterina Mikhailova, psychotherapist, business coach
Who are well-speaking people and how to learn to speak well and tastefully in public? Ekaterina Mikhailova* shares her experience and observations. “Firstly, everyone listens to well-speaking people, even if they did not intend to: they capture the attention of the audience using a variety of resources – from a well-thought-out composition, where contrasting fragments alternate, to their own expressive possibilities. In addition, they have contact with the audience: they not only take them into account as carriers of certain ideas and interests, but also see, feel them, and communicate with them. This means that even under the most adverse conditions, they make the audience feel that they are working for them – to the maximum extent possible. Maintaining dignity, not falling into an aggressive or obsequious tone, remembering your goals – and still hoping to be heard.
Secondly, a well-speaking person is free. With an arbitrarily rigid structure of a speech, bound by regulations, an official, binding situation, diagrams, graphs and slides, he freely uses his own speech – and a small spark of creativity, a speech game appears in it. Which, if appropriate, can give rise to new formulations (that just came to mind!). And even the formal definitions and figures in such a speech are slightly colored: if you cannot play with the essence of the speech, there is a lot of room for shades and subtexts in the form of its presentation. The structure remains a structure, but spontaneity, improvisation, and precisely in shades, always peep through it in well-speaking people. As if it is important for them to use more opportunities that a living, sounding word gives: you can say this, or you can say it differently – how is it more precise, in short, “tastier” now? Naturally, different masters of speech choose different colors, tools, favorite genres. Simple or complex, flashy or understated – it will depend on the goals, the situation, the audience and their own preferences. But when we say that a person’s speech is alive, this means that it can be different, change, it seems to be born right before our eyes.
Read more:
- Ignorance is power: why do incompetent people not understand their incompetence?
* Her book “About a tasty and healthy performance” is being prepared for publication by the Klass publishing house.
Read more:
- Ignorance is power: why do incompetent people not understand their incompetence?
Talk to the boss
You should not appear in his office or start a conversation suddenly and without warning: there is a big risk that this will be done at the wrong time. As a rule, in small companies, you can informally ask for a meeting. The task is to formulate your request in such a way that they want to accept and listen to you, so the topic of conversation should be opportunities for more effective work, and not your personal dissatisfaction with the state of affairs. Convince your boss that you are offering solutions, not making things difficult for him. “Having thanked him for giving you time, clearly define the purpose of your visit,” says Yevgeny Kreslavsky. State the facts and offer your plan. Listen to his arguments, objections or criticism. If you’re asking for a promotion or pay raise, remind them of previous successes and ask them to define your new challenges. And if you feel uncomfortable talking about money and career? Be sincere about it: the vulnerability in such a matter is understandable and is unlikely to cause surprise.
Stand corrected
Don’t make a drama out of your oversight. It’s not scary to make a mistake, but it’s important to learn from a mistake. Admit your miscalculations, and take criticism constructively: if they are dissatisfied with us, this does not mean that we are generally incompetent. Yevgeny Kreslavsky believes that first of all we need to apologize to those who suffered from our actions. You can also mention the circumstances that prevented the work from being done efficiently. If, however, the tense atmosphere does not make it possible to speak on the merits, we have the right to say that we would prefer to conduct the discussion in a calmer atmosphere. “To avoid destructive feelings of guilt, leave others, superiors and colleagues, their share of responsibility,” sums up Yevgeny Kreslavsky. After all, work is usually a collective matter, and everyone is responsible for its result.
* S. Nakamoto “Communication Genius”. Peter, 2010.
See also:
“The Art of Being Heard”
“Be able to speak in public”