In the last days of December, many of us are planning for the next year or making promises to ourselves to accomplish something important. But often these plans are not destined to come true. Why do we easily abandon what we have planned and what needs to be overcome in ourselves in order not to deviate from the fulfillment of promises and tasks?
Inertia and self-knowledge
Start your own business, quit smoking, improve family relationships, finally start learning English, find a more creative job, get yourself in good physical shape … How often we do not just dream, but swear to ourselves to fulfill all our plans. We sincerely feel that we need to make an effort on ourselves and take the first step. And after a while it turns out that what seemed vital is left far behind. What is the reason? “I believe people can change,” says business coach and coach Ryan MJ. – I am sure that we have the ability of our inner “I” to change ourselves and our lives for the better. But what is easy to talk about is not always easy to do. After all, our brains are hardwired to do the same thing over and over again.” It turns out that in order to take advantage of another property of our gray cells – plasticity, serious practical work is needed. “Most brain researchers talk about a period of 6 to 10 months – how different from the marketing promises of seven days of training,” concludes M. J. Ryan *.
Yes, inertia prevents us from carrying out our plans, but our creativity and desire to learn new things, including ourselves, helps. No wonder the psychotherapist Cécile Kapfer developed a whole system – “treatment through intention” (thérapie par l’intention). The goal of therapy is to enter into a dialogue with yourself and understand your true needs and desires. And then honestly admit to yourself: what motivates us and helps us create a life plan, and what stops us from fulfilling it? “Armed with our intentions, we follow the path of self-realization and self-development, the path of finding ourselves,” she explains.
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- I see the goal
We start to act
“No matter what habit you’re about to develop or what dream you want to fulfill, you can’t do anything without believing in yourself,” says M. J. Ryan. “Self-confidence allows the ‘emotional’ brain to move out of fear.”
Psychologist Cecilia de Felice (Cecilia d’Felice) believes that in addition to believing in yourself, planning a life plan for a year and not deviating from its implementation will help to write down all the goals and objectives. “Writing down your thought means always having the opportunity to refresh it in your memory, as well as to look at its perspective from the outside. In addition, the record systematizes the questions that arise during the implementation of the task, and allows you to answer them. To do this, advises Cecilia de Felice, divide a sheet of paper into columns with headings: “Situation”, “Feelings”, “Thoughts” and “Problems”, “Their Solution”. Moreover, when we move on to the last point, we need to try to challenge ourselves and our habits, find new ways, assess the situation with a fresh look. And there will be a solution.
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- An extra 10 hours a week: how to organize your time
keep promises
It is clear that the implementation of the assigned tasks will require work and can cause conflicting feelings. Sometimes it will seem that the whole world is against us, sometimes the rapid pace of change will inspire us, and our hands will drop from its slowdown, sometimes we will have to call on the imagination to imagine our beautiful future and ourselves in it … The most important thing is to keep the promises we made to ourselves and carry out the plan. “Call your promise an oath, a vow, a vow, or an obligation. Whatever you call it, there should be no room for deviating from your plans. It will become a full-fledged tool for overcoming difficulties after your initial enthusiasm evaporates, advises M. J. Ryan. The next point is to make your promise fulfillable, and make the fulfillment out of concrete decisions. Otherwise, you will not know where to start, much less continue. “Don’t forget to schedule,” adds the coach. – Set yourself specific, clearly defined time frames – and you will surely succeed! Do your scheduled work daily. The more you make your desires a part of your daily life, the faster they become a habit.”
On the way to change, we always have to make choices. We will try to make its correctness obvious. This will save you from negative emotions, frustration, stress. And in assessing the changes we have made, let us be indulgent to ourselves. “Both you and I are people who accept the challenge of development,” states M. J. Ryan. “If we treat ourselves with kindness, then we will not dwell on guilt or shame, but, on the contrary, we will begin to philosophically perceive the failures of the past and find the strength in ourselves to start all over again.”
* M. J. Ryan “This year I… How to change habits, keep promises or do what you have long dreamed of” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013).