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Postpartum stretch marks, postoperative scars, freckles and moles, the “wrong” nose and stomach… And we would like to be perfect and therefore are often dissatisfied with our appearance. But to make peace with her means to meet with yourself. And this can be done at a therapeutic photo session.
Who sees us the most? That’s right, we are. We walk past the shop window and involuntarily glance at our reflection. And the mirror? How many times a day do we meet in it with ourselves? But the mirror has a drawback: we see in it what we want, freeze for a moment to find the right angle and please ourselves. “We almost never look at ourselves in motion, we rarely look at ourselves from below the neck,” says phototherapist Marta Kochany. — When I work with clients, I catch different moments during our conversation.
There are a thousand times more such random shots in life than there are moments of the “image in front of the mirror”. And for many it becomes a real discovery that this is me – with folds on my stomach or stooped – every day others see me. But at the same time, they did not stop communicating with me, I am just as loved, important, they accept me. This is where our work begins.”
“Those are angel wings!”
Some clients allow Marta Kohany to publish pictures in . And the discussion often leads to insights, not only of the participants in the photo sessions, but also of the audience.
“A girl came to me, embarrassed by the many stretch marks on her stomach,” says the phototherapist. – I published a picture, and she read that someone saw cherry blossoms on her stomach, and fifty commentators wrote: “These are angel wings!” For her, it was no less therapeutic than our session.” Someone who sees a photo of my client with a scar after an accident or surgery understands something about himself. For example, they write: “And I was still worried about the scar after appendicitis, I was embarrassed by it. And then people with such scars accept themselves!
It is especially difficult for teenagers, even if they do not have external injuries. Their body has changed dramatically, and they don’t really understand how to control these new arms and legs. And they, like no one else, are guided by how they look in the eyes of others, how society reacts to them and their appearance. “I shoot them like puzzles: hands, eyes, eyebrows, ears, neck, back,” says Marta Kohan. – And suddenly I hear: “Oh, and I have a mole there, it turns out, but I didn’t know.” Or: “The nose is big, but what beautiful wise eyes.”
“Wow, I have long aristocratic fingers.” Or a teenager wants to look cheerful all the time, and his sadness appears in the photo, and we can talk about this: why it is important for him to seem cheerful all the time and you can’t be sad, what is behind this. It is much easier for a teenager to come to a photographer, and not to a psychologist (“They are taking me to a psychotherapist, so something is wrong with me!”). It’s a safe entry point into therapy—and an interesting one at the same time, and as a result, he gets fifty photos: you can post it on Instagram and collect likes.
Selfies aren’t so bad?
For the sake of likes in social networks, we are looking for the best angle, but often such self-portraits look unnatural, memes about lips with a ponytail and puppet eyes walk around social networks. Some people think that self-mania is a kind of addiction. But Marta Kohany thinks otherwise: “I don’t think selfies are so evil.
There are moments in life when the image of ourselves calms us down. Here I am going alone to Italy, not knowing the country and language. I worry and start taking pictures, posting photos on Facebook, they are commented on, they support me. And it’s like I’m not alone anymore, and I’m not so scared.” For many, selfies are a remedy for loneliness and despair.
Interestingly, those who have a partner are sometimes embarrassed to ask him to take a picture. “We are discussing this: why, for example, you went on vacation with your husband, but everywhere in the photo you are alone and everywhere only selfies? says the phototherapist. “My interlocutors suddenly find that they totally distrust others, they want to keep everything under control and therefore do not ask to photograph their passers-by or relatives.”
For some, self-mania is the only way to make themselves known to the world, but it goes away as they get their lives back on track. One day we will get fed up and stop, moving to a new level of self-acceptance.
About myself without words
Phototherapist Marta Kochany offers an exercise that allows you to get to know yourself anew. Ask someone, preferably a stranger, to take a few shots. An important condition: do not pose or look at photos until the end of the session. And your photographer should not put you “as it should be.” Let it be a spontaneous story about yourself without words. Pictures should be in the following “nominations”: how I see myself, how others see me, a photo for my mother, for a loved one, for colleagues (schoolmates) and a boss. And only after that the photographer shows you all the frames. “For a loved one, we are photographed in one way, and for a mother in a completely different way – the biggest prohibition will appear on the “mom” photo: why can’t I look the way I want,” explains the phototherapist. – We often cannot look the way we want, because our mother sits in us and says that this is the only way. In my practice, there has never been a case when someone looked “for mom” the same way as for others or for himself. Even if my mother has long been dead, and we ourselves are 70-80 years old.
The most important
Acceptance of yourself – with all the special signs, small or, conversely, large breasts, wrinkles and moles – this is the goal of phototherapy. Many women find it difficult to experience age-related changes in the period from 30 to 35 years. It seems that I am still young, but the first “crow’s feet” appeared near the eyes, the body changed after childbirth. The request in psychotherapy is: “I can’t stop it, I need to learn to live with it.”
And there is another category of clients – these are women 50-55 years old who have reached the point where they decide that appearance is no longer as important as it used to be. “A woman, a teacher, signed up for me, who wanted an unusual gift for her 70th birthday – a photo session. She decided to gather students for the anniversary and show the path of her development: “I understand that I am not as beautiful as in my youth. But I like the way I look because it is a consequence of what I have achieved. I didn’t diet, I didn’t do Botox injections: I invested in students all my life. And I’m proud of every wrinkle I have.”
I would also like to be able to say something like that in my 70s,” sums up Marta Kochany. She has a special exercise for determining the most important things in life. Imagine that we have a year left to live. What would we like to do? Lose weight, go on vacation, and before that put yourself in order … And if a month? The to-do list is drastically reduced. What if it’s two days? And here, from a long list, only a few items remain – for example, to tell my mother how much I love her. Or reconcile with your son. Or visit friends you haven’t seen in years.
No one has ever wanted to lose weight or pump up their lips. And it turns out that this exercise is not about appearance at all. And about something real, deep in us, which we hide in pursuit of an ideal image of ourselves and successful shots.
About expert
Marta Kohany — psychologist, phototherapist, works in b/w technique.