Is it possible to maintain sexual appetite for a long time? Yes, if you do not close yourself and your partner in a merger relationship. And persistently get rid of the routine, not letting it capture your relationship.
Psychologies: Does everyone’s sexual desire decline over time?
Philip Breno: Especially it weakens in those couples where the relationship is built on the principle of merging. As soon as the «love hypnosis» subsides — on average after two years — sexual desire subsides. From the moment we begin to share all activities with each other and talk about everything, the attraction is gradually depleted and may eventually disappear. Sexuality does not tolerate possessiveness, loss of freedom, demands for exclusivity. On the contrary, two mature personalities, truly autonomous, can successfully enjoy full sexuality for many years.
Does it make sense to somehow reconsider your views in order to keep sexuality in good shape? Does it have to do with our will?
Our will can change little in intimate relationships. Another thing is important — how much you invest in your sex life. You need to catch the area where your desire is conjugated with the desire of another. As a rule, the desire of a man is stimulated visually, and the desire of a woman is stimulated through hearing. Women are more sensitive to tone of voice, to loving speeches.
Maybe in order to successfully fight the routine, you need to diversify your pleasures?
In order for lovemaking to bring joy, it is important not to rush. In addition, a woman needs more time to become aroused and warm up this excitement.
Is it true that full sexuality and sustainable desire are incompatible with everyday stress?
Men and women react differently. When a man returns home in the evening, he wants to shake off the burden of worries, and therefore his reflex desire is to make love in order to relax and forget about business and work. His desire, his libido does not compete with everyday activities. A man can concentrate on desire and forget about outsiders, because his sexuality is impulsive.
For women, it’s the other way around. Thinking about her pressing worries, conflicts, grief, anger — all this absorbs her to a large extent and competes with her libido.
Can sexual freedom rekindle fading desire?
Each couple selects their own erotic games — those that their partners suggest their imagination. If, for example, two people go to a swingers party, then nine out of ten times it is at the initiative of the man. A woman often agrees to this out of love for her partner, obeying his desire.
What can kill desire?
For example, selfishness. Today, women are well aware of their sexual needs and the characteristics of their body, they want to see attentive partners. Lack of dialogue can also nullify desire. Passivity can also destroy libido. It is unlikely that those who are complex, embarrassed of themselves, do not care about their body and make love only in order not to lose a partner will know the flowering of sexuality. The feeling that we are not worthy of love becomes an obstacle to joint enjoyment.
In order for the relationship in a couple to be complete, it is necessary to show mutual curiosity, maintain the desire to discover new intimate territories of the other, and take the initiative.
But there are some proven ways to keep the quality of your sex life on top, right?
There is an elementary truth that is never superfluous to repeat: the quality of our sexual relations depends on the quality of our feelings. To revive the old sexuality in couples who are having difficulty, therapists do not use some kind of libido-boosting technique. They only outline a strategy through which the couple can return to the state of love.
Partners must work to recapture the thrilling intimacy, seduction, and sensuality that was present at the beginning of the relationship. You can go somewhere for the weekend, arrange surprises, give gifts to each other … The main thing is to return a sense of excitement to the relationship.