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Peter Pan Syndrome: Why Some Adults Don’t Take Responsibilities
Psychology
To treat this syndrome, the patient has to assume responsibilities and accept that this situation is a problem both for him and for his environment due to the discomfort it causes.
We all know Peter Pan, that fictional teenager created in London in 1904 who refused to enter the adult world. But this is not an isolated case … There are thousands of people who do not want to leave the world of children and maintain attitudes and aptitudes typical of the little ones, something that has been called peter pan syndrome.
This syndrome refers to those adults who behave as if they were children or adolescents and who are not capable of taking responsibility for their actions and their adult lives. People with this syndrome refuse to grow and have a marked emotional immaturity, with a range
very high level of insecurity and a great fear of not being loved and accepted by others. It appears to occur more frequently in men than in women.
Paloma Rey, a general health psychologist, indicates that it can arise as a consequence of multiple factors:
— Personality traits: «Above all they have avoidant or dependent traits», he comments.
— Educational pattern: The psychologist explains that if the education received has been too permissive, without demands or responsibilities and with the avoidance of any frustration, the person has a greater predisposition to develop this syndrome.
— Problem coping style: they generally present an avoidant style in the face of any adverse circumstance that may arise.
However, as Paloma Rey (@palomareypsicologa) assures, the most important thing in these cases is related to childhood: «Those who have had a childhood completely unhappy or lacking affection, the function of the syndrome is to recover lost childhood, through the freedom of being an adult, or what is the same, to recover lost time ». On the other hand, when they have been excessively happy, the person idealizes this stage of life, that is, seeks to perpetuate and «immortalize endless happy moments living in a constant childhood that refuses to overcome.
Next, with the help of Paloma Rey, we detail the most characteristic signs of this syndrome:
– Although the adult person has reached his thirties, he continues to behave like a small child.
– His attitude focuses on asking, receiving and criticizing, and shows no interest in giving or doing for other people. Likewise, they have a very low level of tolerance to frustration.
– Egocentrism characterized by focusing only on himself and his problems, without showing an iota of concern about what happens to others.
– You have a great need to be the center of attention from the people around you.
– Understand commitment as an obstacle to your freedom.
– Constant dissatisfaction with what he has, but does not act to solve or improve his situation. He wants it all but without having to make any effort to get it.
– Not only does he not take responsibility for his actions, but he hopes that others will do it for him and blames them if something does not go as he expects.
– Uses lies and excuses to hide as much as possible their inability to grow.
– Presents a very high level of fear of loneliness and insecurityas well as low self-esteem.
– He is attracted to youth and idealizes childhood and adolescence.
To treat this syndrome, as Paloma Rey says, the patient has to assume responsibilities and accept that this situation is a problem both for him and for his environment due to the discomfort it causes: «There must be learning in the acquisition of daily responsibilities and in the ability to live according to the life stage where it is (adult). To do this, the patient will be provided with strategies that allow him to make decisions and solve problems effectively.
It is also essential to teach thought management, so that you change your vision of reality, and avoid recreation in your emotions and face the issues that cause you discomfort.
These tools will help all of them to take responsibility for their actions and emotions, gradually increase their tolerance for frustration and improve their self-esteem. In the same way, the psychologist comments, it is recommended that the patient’s direct environment be involved in this process: friends, family and partner, since they can help significantly if they remain firm within the limits established for their childish behavior, not respond to the manipulations and demands that the person involved may exercise and indicate the inappropriate behaviors that they carry out and propose alternatives.