Personal example of parents

The personal example of the parents gives the child a pattern before his eyes. Our children are our reflection. They learn from our example and literally copy the behavior of their parents, repeating both good and bad.

Tatyana Rozova, a student at the University of Practical Psychology, writes:

As A. S. Makarenko wrote about this: “Do not think that you are raising a child only when you talk to him or teach him, or order him. You bring him up at every moment of your life, even when you are not at home. How you dress, how you talk to and about other people, how you feel happy or sad, how you treat friends and enemies, how you laugh, how you read the newspaper — all this is of great importance to the child. The child sees or feels the slightest changes in tone, all turns of your thought reach him in invisible ways, you do not notice them. And if at home you are gu.e. or boastful, or drunk, and even worse, if you insult the mother, you are already doing great harm to your children, you are already raising them badly … »

Nonverbal

There are people who, in order to be friends, need to slightly change their intonation. Because we influence our environment. From personal life: we influence our family in different ways: firstly, by ourselves and by our appearance. If a woman is sad and with a tragic face, or frightened all the time, or scolds herself all the time for something, and a normal woman who has taken on the responsibility, she will always scold herself for something: either the work is not completed, either she didn’t sit out with the children, or she didn’t finish washing something — she didn’t finish it. And now the child sees this mother with this horror in her eyes, the one who scolds herself all the time, and he sees this every day, for example. And children from their mothers transfer the image of the world to what their mother shows them. Children do not care, at least while they are small, what is happening in the world. They look at their mother. If mom is scared, it means it’s scary there, if mom is cheerful, then it’s good there. If you want the child to be a leader, for the child to be active, then show him: «Everything is fine, there is nothing terrible, we can handle everything.» “I made a mistake, it’s ok. This is cool. You can make mistakes as many times as you like. ”When the children tell me: how can I bake such a delicious pie as you bake, I answer: “Well, if you burn it a hundred times, the pie will be one hundred and one excellent.” We all learn this way, it is absolutely normal thing.

Watch your face. One woman asked me in Meshchera a few years ago: “Marina, my child is afraid of everything. He’s very anxious.» But herself? She has anxiety in her eyes. She is afraid that the child is afraid, she is afraid — if something happened to this child, and how he will continue in high school, at the institute. It’s just some kind of horror. I say: here you relax yourself. Stop worrying, and the child’s anxiety will decrease, it will be replaced by something else. Well, thank God, she was able to do it. A couple of years later, we met by chance: “Marina, it works, really.” And she herself already — with cheerful lively eyes. Therefore, look after your appearance, your intonations. We control our intonations, facial expressions, voice. How can we tell a child that we love him? Well, just speak more affectionately, so that the child would really feel that you love him. For him to see it, for it to be painted on his face. We work out at the training: affectionate intonations, affectionate look. The atmosphere of the house, the colors that surround us, the sounds that are generally heard in the house … Maybe you are the perfect person and you talk in a soft velvety voice, and the TV or radio next to you screams like crazy. Some tension from this may accumulate. Not the fact that this should not be. Maybe it’s important for someone to just energize their home. So that the eyes of loved ones light up, that the awl appears in one place, they want to do something. Then, become energetic yourself. Wise proverb: «What you are looking for — look in yourself.» Start it from yourself and loved ones will catch up. They will definitely pull up. It’s not bad that the children don’t listen to us, but that they always watch what we do. That is, no matter what we say, they look at us, they always see. On the other hand, this is good for us because if we start doing the right things, then after that you don’t even have to say anything to the children, they will absorb everything right without notations.