«I’m sorry, I thought badly of you.» Why is this person asking for forgiveness? For your thoughts. He did not think correctly, and now he asks for forgiveness for this act of his. “Sorry, I was too hasty with my emotions. I promise I won’t get mad at you again until I sort out the situation.» These words are spoken by a person who understands responsibility for his emotions. “He was happy, and then he got distracted…” — here the action of attention is considered precisely as the action of a person. If you agree that thoughts and feelings and emotions can be considered our actions, our actions, you share the principles of the personal-behavioral approach, which is the basis of the synton approach and, in part, of NLP.
In the personal-active approach, behavior is considered not only externally observed, but also internal behavior, which is included in thoughts, feelings and emotions. Not every person knows how to control their thoughts, not everyone knows how to control their feelings and emotions, but the personal-active approach insists that this is possible, necessary and worthy for a person. A responsible person is responsible for his behavior — both external and internal.
The personal-active approach notes and describes in the first place what leads to results.
What does a person think at the same time, where did it come from and what is it connected with — these questions are of exceptional importance, and smart people sometimes think about it, but in the behavioral approach these are secondary questions. Important, but secondary.
In the personal-activity approach, the facts of behavior are more important than intentions, because responsibility is generated only by the results of our actions.
You wanted the best — that’s great. But you did as always — and you are responsible for it.
This is a personal approach, because here the psychologist sees in the person with whom he works, not an object of influence, but a personality — a person who can control his behavior and with whom you can discuss his choices. And this is a behavioral approach, since the procedures of influence should be described in behavioral language: what needs to be done, where to turn and what words to say.
If a state of inspiration is needed for successful influence, then great, just add additional instructions: what needs to be done specifically for this state of inspiration to appear, how to get sure that it has already come in sufficient quantities and how to manage this resource now, what is its “way usage.»
This is an active and behavioral approach, since here the decision and action are more important than fears and other feelings. «I’m afraid … — Well, be afraid that you are telling me about feelings … You tell me the main thing — will you do it or not?» Feelings and experiences are curious, but nothing more. “I’m in pain. How much does it hurt, can you go? I can… Then go!” Objective things and tasks are more important here than subjective relations. “We somehow didn’t have a relationship. — Do you want to talk about it? Come over after work, we’ll discuss it, but for now, get down to business.»
In this approach, psychology, as the content of a person’s inner world, is always secondary to life. Reality, activity determines consciousness, determines the inner.
If you want to perform well, prepare first. Psychology as an internal tincture is also important, but you need to start with reality: with knowledge of the material. Why does this speaker speak so beautifully and confidently? The secret is simple: firstly, he is a professional in his field and knows what he is talking about. Secondly, he studied to speak and has experience. You will have the same experience, you will perform the same way.
In internal state management, this is an approach from external to internal, from behavior to feeling.
Do not slouch, straighten your shoulders and raise your head. The one who straightened up begins to feel more confident. When men talk about their confidence, they often mean their behavior. They can talk about their feelings of insecurity, but behind it they see and they are really worried about how he carries himself, how he sounds, how his behavior is built. A man is sure that if he learns to confidently behave, speak, act, this will give him the necessary inner mood.
In counseling, the activity-behavioral approach is the translation of messages from the language of feelings into the language of action. In the choice of «dealing with the past» or «changing current behavior», the personality-behavioral approach is more likely to deal with actual behavior.
We can speak about psychotherapy in the personal-active approach only conditionally: psychotherapy in the proper sense of the word occurs where the client leaves the Author’s position. In the personal-active approach, a person, as the author of his own behavior, can, with the help of a therapist, understand what is happening, make an appropriate decision and implement it. The personal-active approach, in contrast to the behavioral approach, works not only with external behavior, but also with internal behavior, and, if necessary, removes internal personal reasons that interfere with adequate behavior. The direct opposite of the personal-active approach is the sacrificial-problem approach, where it is believed that behind the client’s complaints there is always a serious underlying problem, without which a person cannot be completely healthy.
The personal-active approach, which assumes personal responsibility for both external and internal behavior — high awareness and development of will, personal efforts and personal responsibility, a high level of personal development — is not suitable for everyone. Most of all, this approach is in demand in working with business people, businessmen — people who are developed and accustomed to responsibility. It is clear that this is not the most frequent contingent of psychologists. For the majority of psychologists’ clients, a shared responsibility approach is more attractive, when many things can be attributed to repressed emotions, a closed soul, polluted chakras, and birth trauma.
“If I said: “Darling, you are furious that you simply have nothing to do in your free time, and you have never been fond of needlework, no one taught you, and it’s too lazy to start looking for a hobby yourself. Or go to the pool, take a walk in the park. Be active! — The client will not hear me, no. She will hear in this collision, accusation, and may even be offended. Instead, say warmly, “Get the pencils. Draw! You see, you depict this house with closed windows, because your soul is closed and does not let love, joy, beauty into your world. Let’s redo the house. Let’s open the windows, paint the sun orange, this is the color of positive emotions. We will plant a tree nearby. Will we draw a child? Open your heart, create! You will succeed!” And women immediately come to life. Blossoming and getting younger like girls.