Periods of child development: from 12 to 17 years

Exam for parents

The parent understands that there is still a child in front of him, and not an adult at all. It is not easy for moms and dads to accept what is happening: the reasoning of daughters and sons is still immature, and the focus on friends is annoying. At this moment, adults are worried: they are trying to understand what mistakes they made in upbringing, they are worried about rash acts, they are trying to urgently raise a “baby”, instill in him the right values. Only these efforts rarely lead to proper results.

I call adolescence a test for parents. Firstly, it is then that the child presents us with all his grievances and claims that he was not ready to voice before. Secondly, how this period will pass depends largely not on a teenager, but on adults. Will they find the strength to start trusting more, maintain contact with this new ruffy creature and build a constructive dialogue?

Transitional period

Adolescence is the transition from childhood to adulthood. This does not mean that the child will suddenly become completely independent and independent. But gradually he will begin to be responsible for his actions, to make his conscious choice in matters of morality and interests.

This is the period when the child’s interests move from the family zone to the outside world. For this reason, the opinion of peers becomes more important than the position of the parent. After all, now there, among those like him, one must seek one’s place and prove one’s worth. This happens to all children without exception. And with those who constantly protest and rowdy, and with those who are not allowed by the family culture to openly declare their position. All interests are now somewhere out there, outside the house.

All these psychological metamorphoses occur against the background of puberty. There is a hormonal and physical restructuring of the body, which by the end of puberty will be identical to an adult.

Such violent processes in the body and, accordingly, in the deep parts of the brain require a huge amount of energy. And it is not enough to provide cognitive processes. That is why the intellectual abilities of adolescents are often markedly reduced. This adds unpleasant experiences to both parents and the child himself, but soon passes.

Rebellion and independence

The essence of typical conflicts often boils down to the fact that a teenager refuses to fulfill the requirements of his parents and insists on his own position. This is the easiest and fastest way to quarrel: “You are told to do so!” “But I won’t do that!” This is already enough to start sorting things out and completely leave the field of cooperation.

But it’s time for the child to make independent decisions in some matters.

And how to learn to accept them, if you follow the instructions of your parents all the time? So, it’s time to abandon ready-made solutions and look for your own. It may not work right away. Mistakes are possible, even inevitable.

What should a parent do? Most often, he has two paths. He can be there and support when the teenager’s decisions turned out to be unsuccessful, or he can act as a cruel prosecutor.

There is another scenario when a teenager is suddenly given too much freedom, referring to the fact that he is now an “adult”. Only the corresponding requirements are presented to him: he messed up firewood – deal with the consequences yourself. And if a child got into this “adulthood” unprepared, it is difficult for him to cope with all the circumstances of a new life on his own.

keep relationships

In all situations, adult support is needed to the extent that the adolescent needs it. It is easier for him to enter a new stage of growing up, and the parent maintains a connection with the child and a certain influence on his decisions.

It is very important not to lose contact. Adolescence is the stage in a family’s life when a child becomes an adult. The former hierarchical relationships are already unproductive: the parent is in charge, and the child obeys his requirements. It is necessary to readjust, learn to communicate on an equal footing, with mutual respect for the position of each.

This is a lot of new not only for the child, but also for the adult. How the restructuring of relations will take place, how it will end, will greatly affect the future of a teenager.

Path to autonomy

Until adolescence, the family was the main focus of interests, emotions, social life of the child. But it’s time to “hatch” out of this “shell”. An exit is necessary in order to feel like a full-fledged person in the future.

If a parent uses his influence to keep a teenager, there is a risk that the latter will remain in this “shell”. And this is not about the physical excommunication of a son or daughter from the family, but about psychological autonomy, which is formed in adolescence.

In the crisis of adolescence, the parent’s readiness to recognize this autonomy, to support it, plays a key role.

It is very difficult to strike a balance between the dependence and independence of the child during this period. Success in this is connected not only with the characteristics of the personality of the parent and adolescent, but also with family culture, with their own experience of going through the teenage crisis with parents. However, there are no insurmountable obstacles in a relationship. You just need to talk, listen and hear each other, look for compromises.

The teenage period ends, the protest and constant contradictions go away. If the parent was able to maintain contact with the child and rebuild their attitude towards him in accordance with age, then peace and tranquility will reign in the family in the future.