Perfectionism is an unjustified desire for an ideal result, the desire for impeccability and perfection, taken to an extreme.
Obsession with cleanliness, fad on «everything should lie in its place.» Do you really need to wash windows in winter? Iron towels on both sides? Is it necessary to translate the text verbatim? Dissolve half-knit because of a missed loop?
In everyday life, perfectionism causes a lot of problems, and there is no limit to them if this phenomenon is not treated.
We won’t start cleaning the apartment, because “there won’t be enough time to do it properly, but doing a blunder is not good …” And instead of dismantling at least something, we do nothing. Or: you need to launch a site that is already done and can start making a profit. But the person does not launch it, he sits and rearranges the letters, changing their slope and color, looking for the best solution. You understand that this can go on forever…
Such perfectionism needs to be removed. How? The only sure way is to train yourself to think, to train yourself to always use your head. This is not a scolding, this is a task that needs to be mastered.
Clean up your head and stop confusing perfectionism with striving for perfection. Striving for perfection is great, but it’s not perfectionism. If you don’t turn in your work on time because you can’t turn in hack work, this is just a responsible attitude to business, not perfectionism. And if you don’t turn in your work on time because you want the perfection that only you need, this is perfectionism, that is, disrespect for deadlines and obligations.
The criterion is simple: if reasonable people support and approve your striving for perfection and impeccability, then you are doing everything right. You are adequate. If they disapprove, consider it superfluous, then they are right and you are wrong. You are inadequate and are not doing what you should.
Perhaps the reason for your perfectionism is that you are an addicted person. You really, really wanted to improve this and clarify that, and you start doing this — minute by minute, hour by hour … Mistake! Train yourself every 15 minutes to ask yourself: “What am I doing now? What are my priorities, what is the most important for me today? In terms of priorities — should I do this or something more important? And when you realize that you are not doing the most important thing, correct yourself. It’s not even psychology, it’s just intelligence.
Not an ideal result is not always equal to the absence of a result at all, on the contrary: if you cannot be late (you have a train), but you need to stroke the ue, it’s more correct to stroke it somehow than to miss the train. It’s smart — do it. But to do as you like, for example, to decorate boxes beautifully for a holiday — this is childhood and these are thoughtless patterns. And do not swear, it is so. Similarly, to do everything only perfectly well, as many former excellent students are used to, without thinking about whether the same “perfectly well” is necessary in this particular case are also thoughtless patterns.
Many people are dissatisfied with themselves, get angry, and even directly suffer when they have to do a job that is not perfect. What to do? Fix your brain. It’s more polite to work with your beliefs. What? — Most often, the wording sounds something like this: “Things ALWAYS need to be done with high quality”, or “Not quite a high-quality result is equal to the absence of a result at all.” If you are truly convinced of this, answer the following question for yourself:
Do you understand that FAST and QUALITY are mutually exclusive concepts?
Think slowly… Work done quickly can rarely claim quality. And quality work is hardly done quickly. Consequently, sometimes you have to choose: in favor of one, sacrificing others. This is reality. This is how the world works, and being angry about it is as stupid as a child being angry about bad weather. If you want to walk — please, but it will rain there. If you don’t want rain, then stay at home. This is how the world works. Dear child, choose what suits you best.
Yes, not very beautiful clothes are worse than beautiful, but definitely better than no clothes at all.
Dear thoughtless excellent students, train yourself to turn on your brains: a perfect result is not always needed. Life demands from you not the most ideal result, but compliance with the QUALITY STANDARD.
If your factory makes two grades of butter: first grade and EXTRA grade, then first grade butter cannot be made like EXTRA butter: it will be too expensive either for you or for the consumer.
Gentlemen, learn to think, and you will not suffer from perfectionism.
Yes, for the last forty years psychologists have taught people to live with feelings, and not think with their heads, and as a result, the population has become stupid. No matter what feelings drive a person — anxiety, guilt, fear of negative evaluation — they all turn out to be the cause of inadequate behavior, called perfectionism. It’s just that thoughtless perfectionism has no gender coloring, it affects both men and women equally, but perfectionism due to difficult feelings is more often a female problem.
For a large number of women, perfectionism is a reflection of their anxiety: “I need to check again if the door is locked? Is the stove turned off? It seems to have checked, but you never know what? During the move, when you need to quickly make cardboard boxes, the man acts quickly, like a man: crunch-crunch with adhesive tape, and the box is ready. She will wrap the box with tape for a long time and with high quality, otherwise “God forbid it falls apart!”. And the point is not even that things will deteriorate, but in this case she will be physically uncomfortable …
I don’t think it’s promising to look for what particular problematic feeling is behind particular perfectionism. Yes, it may be the fear of a negative assessment: “Here, this is not good, this is still unfinished …” Maybe this is a tense feeling of guilt, manifested in the inability to forgive oneself for one’s imperfection. Maybe your perfectionism, like an avoidant activity, takes up your time and attention in order to avoid another activity that you fear. Yes, there can be many psychological reasons, but delving into them is an unpromising task. One thing reliably eliminates perfectionism: high-quality life goals, clearly set priorities and awareness. In other words, the habit of thinking what you are doing — and the ability to control yourself.
You have a goal and you have a plan to achieve it — always limited resources. There is always little time and not enough money for high life goals. This means that you need to act as efficiently as possible within the limited time and limited money. This means that for each case we determine the quality standard, and we do it no worse and no better, but the way it should be. And in this sense — we do only excellent!
When my wife went to study psychology at Moscow State University, I set a condition for her: to take exams only for triples. I knew that she would study as diligently as possible: Marina always strives to be an excellent student. I knew that she would take all the necessary knowledge for herself in any case, but spending time on passing exams with excellent marks, sitting at night, being distracted from children and household chores is superfluous. However, I didn’t follow through, and Marina still passed all the exams perfectly well …
Total: the desire for unjustified perfection is replaced by the desire for reasonable impeccability. It sounds like this: “Do the best of what you can, within the time frame that you have or that you have allocated.” Remember the following rule: “When doing the job on time, be prepared for the fact that its quality may not be up to par. This is fine!» While there is time — bring the work to perfection. The allotted time has run out — complete the work in the form that is. A reasonable attitude to quality in urgent cases will allow you to work efficiently, easily and with joy!
Perfectionism is not a psychological problem, but an ethical one: it is a lack of respect for deadlines and obligations. If you have a responsibility to what is dear to you, you will do it. Simply do it. Without any explanation, without stories about their individual personal characteristics, without any unnecessary psychology.