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Ewa Błaszczyk called the arrest by the police of a physiotherapist cooperating with her clinic suspected of pedophilia, a nightmare that cannot fit in one’s head. Indeed, it is hard to believe that someone can cruelly use the children entrusted to his care in a coma after brain injuries. We talk to the psychiatrist Maja Polikowska-Herman and the sexologist Monika Staruch about the perpetrator and victim.
Zuzanna Opolska, Medonet: After Artur W. was arrested, the Budzik Clinic has issued a message in which it ensures that it will introduce additional checks and increase the vigilance of the entire medical team. It is impossible to associate this case with the famous case of Andrzej Samson – a well-known family psychologist and psychotherapist who molested autistic children. During the trial, the accused pleaded not guilty and explained his own behavior with innovative therapy. Why do such things come to light so late?
Maja Polikowska-Herman: The answer to this question lies at the very root. We should remember that medical professions such as: physiotherapist, doctor, or medically related, such as psychologist and psychotherapist, are professions of social trust. They have an aura of uniqueness, and the healing process itself is extremely intimate and, a bit ad hoc, we give these people a credit of trust.
Why such professions can attract pedophilia?
M.P-H: Unfortunately, as in every profession, there are also people who have problems, have personality disorders from the psychopathic spectrum, immature personality, or sexual disorders such as pedophilia. And we are a bit trapped, because on the one hand, there is practically no control, and there is also a lack of appropriate career counseling programs in Poland. Often people choose this type of job completely by accident.
And it happens that they are not properly verified?
There is still no law on the profession of psychologist and psychotherapist, and the law on the profession of physiotherapist has only just been passed. Which means that, unfortunately, the market of psychological services in Poland is open to people without appropriate competences and qualifications. There is definitely a lack of controls that would guarantee the safety of patients. And this in the perpetrator of the crime can give rise to conviction and a feeling of impunity. Wholly harassed patients find it difficult to admit they have been the victim of a sexual offense, and those who experience it at the “hands” of health care workers remain silent. Even when it comes to light, it is quickly swept under the rug and the word sorry becomes too difficult to pronounce. But remember that not all are “unfit” and that, in general, most therapists would never have committed any abuse or crimes.
The case of Artur W. came to light only thanks to the reaction of the child who panicked before the upcoming rehabilitation. How do I know a victim of sexual harassment?
Monika Staruch: After a behavior change. The child begins to isolate, hide or withdraw from life. He becomes nervous and tearful, may have trouble sleeping, tantrums and aggression. Psychosomatic symptoms such as nausea, headaches, abdominal pain and bedwetting may also appear.
M.P-H.: Or vice versa – eroticization, which can be confusing. Remember that some children like to watch their parents and then act out different scenes on their own.
What can “grooming” or dressing up a victim look like?
M.P-H.: The mechanism is simple. In about 90% of cases, it is people known to the child who are the perpetrators of the molestation. It can be an uncle, grandfather or a close neighbor …
M.S.: The so-called “friend of the family” …
M.P-H.: Which will win the parents’ trust first. And then she will be happy to look after the child in their absence, pick them up from kindergarten or take them for ice cream. He will say: sit here or walk on your lap.
MS: Over a period that can last several months or even years, the perpetrator tests the child’s reactions: he wants to see how far he can go and whether the victim will keep the harassment a secret. At the same time, he tries to bind her as emotionally as possible. It is the manipulation of the child’s psyche and the gradual gaining of power over the victim that also gives some pedophiles some kind of pleasure.
Let’s establish where the “bad touch” begins …
M.P-H.: The border is rigid and everyone sets it individually. It could be a hand on your knee, or it could be permanent, like accidentally entering the bathroom while you’re taking a shower. It is the same with betrayal. We cross the border if the other side suffers from it.
M.S.: In the law, “sexual exploitation of children” means having sexual intercourse or engaging in sexual activity or inducing submission or performance to such activities with a minor under the age of 15. In the classification of mental and behavioral disorders ICD-10 – it is sexual activity – the sexual preference of an adult in relation to children – with minors, usually in the pre-puberty or adolescence period. It does not have to be direct sexual contact, harassment is already: touching intimate places, voyeurism, talking about sex or persuading people to watch or participate in taking pornographic photos.
If the perpetrator is a family member, is the trauma incomparably greater?
M.S.: Yes, trust in adults and the opposite sex is totally broken. And the intensity of anxiety affects future relationships, the establishment of which becomes practically impossible.
M.P-H.: Unfortunately, most of the dramas take place in the privacy of your home. I know a story with a grandpa who lived upstairs and molested children for several years. The only thing the parents did when the case came to light was to separate. What was it about? Grandfather could not be left alone with the children….
M.S.: Such situations are not so rare. An example may be mothers with sexual aversion, passive towards their partner molesting their daughter, who could also be sexually abused in their childhood. The drama begins within four walls and usually ends there. Children are silent and adults are silent. The worst part is the feeling of helplessness – the feeling of not being able to escape from being abused by a child.
M.P-H.: Victims fear allegations of consent. It is similar with rape – “Don’t tell anyone, you wanted to. You had to not go that way, you had to not put on a dress ”. But why did he go that way and why did he take off his pants? The principle of the presumption of innocence does not mean stigmatize the victim. Domestic violence is also a very quiet topic. We hear a story about a black eye from a fall while washing windows or about bruises that a dog stuck to us …
What determines whether a victim of sexual harassment can cope with the trauma?
M.S.: It depends on many factors. First of all, on what stage of the child’s psychosexual development the molestation took place. Victims deal with trauma differently if sexual violence occurs in the Oedipal phase and differently in the latency phase, i.e. sexual sleep. On the side of the victim of sexual abuse, mental condition, gender and age are important. Paradoxically, as research shows, younger children are more mentally resilient, in them the effects of abuse will be more generalized. The relationship between the child and the person who hurt them is also extremely important. Is she close to a child? Does the victim trust him? The age and sex of the perpetrator are of similar importance.
When we imagine a pedophile, we immediately think of a man?
Pedophilia among women is rarely mentioned, but this does not mean that it does not exist – it is marginal, but sexual abuse of boys by adult women also occurs. Another factor is the nature of the harassment itself. In the case of genital-genital contacts and bodily injuries, the trauma is gigantic. The gender of the victim also plays an important role. Girls are more supportive and boys are usually silent. Even if sexual violence becomes apparent years later, women can count on sympathy and men are ostracized. It is enough to look at the disproportion of support groups.
M.P-H.: The relationship with the significant object that Monika said about it is decisive. The latest research shows that regardless of the nature of the violence: physical, mental or sexual, the way we experience trauma is most influenced by whether the adult who was to provide care was present. After all, we often meet parents who are as if they were not there. The “absent parent” who speaks but doesn’t talk, listens but doesn’t hear hurts the most. Even the group of sexually abused children who had received adequate support was compared, and the perpetrator was stigmatized with a group that had not experienced any trauma but had “absent parents”. Paradoxically, in adulthood, they functioned incomparably worse, had a much lower sense of security and difficulties with establishing relationships.
Is denial possible in the case of sexual violence?
M.P-H.: Sometimes it may be that traumatic memories remain dormant for many years. Perhaps our personal life is not entirely successful, but it is still normal. And then years later, a random event or a visit to a therapist for a completely different purpose will wake up the demons of the past. And it will shed new light on our current and present lives.
On the forum of the victims of harassment I found an entry: “He pulled me into a trap from which there was no way out. It lasted fifteen years and was frequent. It was fun, so I thought it was my fault … “- can bad touch be pleasant?
M.P-H.: Sounds like the Stockholm Syndrome. The victim not only identifies with his or her tormentor, but begins to understand and sympathize with him. Finally, he defends himself and says that he is innocent … Much depends on the nature of the harassment, the person of the perpetrator and the personality of the victim. It is worth saying, however, that you can experience trauma in this way as well.
M.S.: Many times, when talking to adult victims of sexual harassment, I heard that the worst was the shame of feeling pleasure, aroused sexual needs inadequate to age. These women experienced an incredible internal conflict and began to hate each other. On the other hand, in the case of preferential – homosexual pedophiles, the molested boy may start to show a bisexual orientation, but also copy the script and possibly become a preferential abuser in the future.
What psychological consequences await an adult victim of molestation?
M.P-H.: If we were victims of sexual abuse in childhood, the “fearful child from the past” may stay with us until the end. Abused people have low self-esteem and often feel that they don’t deserve any good. Even if they meet happiness, they cannot enjoy it. Most victims develop an anxiety-depressive mood disorder. There are definitely more suicide attempts and suicides in this group. As with war veterans, we deal with PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder). Lady Gaga, who was a victim of rape, has publicly admitted to the Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome. The characteristic symptoms are recurring traumatic memories, flashbacks, nightmares or avoiding places and situations associated with trauma.
M.S.: Women who have experienced sexual abuse sometimes struggle with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. In these people there is also stigma – such a feeling of being different, marked by a very negative stigma. It’s hard to let go of this feeling, and it’s very hard to live with it and build good relationships.
And the psychosexual effects?
M.S.: Many changes in the sexual sphere are directly related to anxiety-depressive disorders. You can put an equal sign between anxiety and vaginismus. It is a type of sexual neurosis where the muscles around the vaginal opening are involuntarily contracted, preventing genital-genital contact. In an acute course, a woman cannot even be examined gynecologically. There may also be other psychogenic sexual dysfunctions: dyspareunia, manifested by pain during intercourse, vulvodynia, aversion to sex, hypolibidemia, i.e. sexual frigidity or anorgasmia, but also impotence, delayed ejaculation or its absence. The consequences of sexual abuse in childhood can be painful menstruation leading to loss of consciousness or pain and frequent infections in the genital area. Some victims of sexual abuse have problems with getting pregnant and keeping it, but also the consequence of sexual abuse in childhood may be disorders of identification with the gender role.
M.P-H.: More often than in women, men may develop hypersexuality, i.e. a constant and debilitating need to have intercourse.
M.S.: Yes, even combined with aggression. The scale of changes is really wide, from extinction to promiscuity and risky sexual behavior to the tendency to sexually abuse others.
This is another post from the forum of childhood knocking victims: “I have huge problems with intercourse. I hate my husband that I have to do this. He doesn’t know anything … “- can a relationship be successful if we hide our traumatic past from our partner?
M.S.: It seems impossible to me. Honesty to the pain is very important in this case. The problem of trust in victims of sexual harassment is very common, but only by explaining the trauma to your partner / partner will we allow the other party to understand problems with the expression of emotions and feelings more easily. If we are close, we should trust each other. Either we build a relationship or a deal. Perhaps this woman is afraid of rejection, but without telling her husband, she rejects him, pushes him away, withdraws.
M.P-H.: I have female patients who have experienced childhood abuse. Many of them, even after many years, avoid close-ups, and their partners patiently wait. These are difficult relationships, but that doesn’t mean they are impossible
In that case, it is better to speak or not. Ask for help or put the trauma in a suitcase and put it in the closet?
M.P-H.: The thing about wardrobes is that if they are too stuffed, the corpses will fall out of them anyway. To talk. Defend yourself. If such a traumatic experience has already happened to us, it is worth working through it. Because it’s overwork that will take away the guilt. Remember that the offender is the one who commits the prohibited act and the victim is the victim. I know – it sounds scary, of course, but this element is the most unclear and disturbed in traumatized people.
M.S.: I’m also for talking. But every initiative, every social campaign, every sharing on social media is important, which will clearly and clearly distinguish the victim from the perpetrator and teach the public that the victim deserves support, and the perpetrator should be punished, and that’s it. There is no second or third side of the coin. There is no tacit consent to violence and aggression. Regardless of whether it is happening in the four walls or on the street.