Pathological liars: what makes them lie?

Will you swear that you will always tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Hardly, like 99,99% of the people in the world. Anyone who claims that he has never lied is clearly disingenuous. However, most can honestly say that they are at least trying not to cheat.

But there is a special category of people for whom lying is a way of life. It is easier for pathological and compulsive liars to make up three boxes than to tell the truth. Why do they do it and how to crack them?

Pseudology fiction

Pathological lie, mythomania or Pseudologia Fantastica (lat.), causes a lot of controversy among psychologists and psychiatrists. Some believe that this is only a symptom of a more complex disorder (for example, borderline personality disorder, sociopathy or narcissism), others are convinced that this is a deviation in itself.

There is speculation that this is a special form of addiction: a person cheats under the influence of a psychological impulse, like an alcoholic, a smoker or a gambler, reacting to specific triggers. However, the fact remains that some people lie all the time. Their deceit can be called chronic, as it is observed throughout life, or habitual, in the sense that it becomes second nature.

People of this type always act under the influence of internal motivation, and not external factors. In other words, they lie not so much to avoid the unpleasant consequences of the truth, but for the sake of “sport interest”.

Pathological liars are not so easy to recognize, especially on a superficial acquaintance or at the beginning of a relationship. They may seem interesting, intelligent, sociable, charming. Their true face is revealed only with time, and then communication becomes strained. Lying endlessly can destroy friendships, loves, work relationships, and even families.

Pathological and compulsive lying: what’s the difference?

The two types of lies have their own characteristics. How do you know who you are dealing with?

Pathological liars:

• lie with a specific purpose,
• invent fantastic stories that can be endlessly supplemented with new details,
• they themselves believe everything that they spun,
• indignant when they are suspected of deceit,
• lie to strengthen their authority,
• do not blush and do not feel embarrassed.

Compulsive liars:

• seriously believe that they are obliged to lie: either because they do not know how otherwise, or if it is inconvenient to tell the truth,
• often lie for no clear reason and without any benefit,
• compose fables on the go, not really thinking about the plausibility,
• prefer “holy” lies that others are supposed to want to hear,
• as a rule, feel someone else’s distrust,
• when they are caught, they admit that they have lied, but they continue to fool the people around.

These differences are very conditional, because deceivers easily change masks.

What caused this behaviour?

There is no clear scientific explanation for the tendency to report deliberately false information. This behavior is due to many genetic and environmental factors, but this set is unique for everyone.

Among the most common reasons:

1. Personality disorders. As mentioned above, lying at every turn can be a symptom of a mental disorder.

2. Features of the brain. A number of studies point to structural abnormalities in the brains of pathological liars. One such study revealed increased white matter volume in three regions of the prefrontal cortex.

The authors of another work believe that a stable tendency to lie is formed as the restraining emotional reaction of the amygdala weakens. Earlier studies have found that 40% of pathological liars have damage to the central nervous system caused by epilepsy, head trauma or dangerous infections.

3. The costs of education. In childhood, we all learn what is good and what is bad. At an early age, a person may lie out of fear of punishment or for profit, and later this becomes an unconditional attitude.

4. Chemical dependence. Drug addicts and alcoholics are often cunning to hide their problem and at the same time lure out money: addictions “turn off” their conscience.

5. Other psychological problems. Someone who lies frequently may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Such behavior may be associated with fear, guilt or shame, unwillingness to admit their condition. It is important to understand that not every person with such a diagnosis is a pathological deceiver!

Signs of pathological and compulsive lying

If you suspect that you are regularly fooled, pay attention to the telltale signs of a lie.

1. The stories of liars are absolutely incredible. If you notice that you often shake your head, refusing to believe the fables, it seems that you have come across just such a person. Someone tells how they dined with Tom Cruise or set a world record for eating sausages? You are not mistaken.

2. There is a desire to attract attention. If someone lies to arouse interest, and climbs out of his skin, trying to prove his own worth, you are a pathological liar. They practice two ways of attracting attention (see points 3 and 4).

3. They lie to you to fill their worth. Instead of admitting their mistake or honestly saying that they are in trouble, such people are talking nonsense, just to look sinless.

Or…

4. Play the victim. To enlist the sympathy and support of others, they complain about imaginary misfortunes. Illnesses, death of loved ones, someone’s cruelty and other catastrophes in which they allegedly suffered.

5. Liars have low self-esteem. By itself, it does not indicate a pathological or compulsive lie, but in combination with other signs, it completes the portrait of an unabashed deceiver. Usually low self-esteem is found in compulsive liars: it hides anxiety and insecurity.

6. The last word must remain with them. Arguing with a pathological liar is like banging your head against a wall. He will give the most ridiculous arguments until you get tired of arguing, just to get out of the fight as a winner. Compulsive liars are easier: they are embarrassed when they are exposed and do not insist on their own.

7. They are extremely quirky. They manage to invent plausible versions for all occasions with lightning speed, create suitable lies literally out of thin air and present them in a convincing form.

8. They know how to turn everything upside down. If liars feel that they are close to failure, they immediately back up and change the meaning of what was said. But it is useless to catch them at their word: they will object and say that you misheard or misunderstood.

9. Their lives are chaotic and full of tragedy. They get out as best they can, trying to seem honest, but sooner or later people realize that something is wrong here. Relationships crumble, another job is lost, friends turn away, but the pathological liar is still rushing about in search of simpletons who can hang noodles on their ears.

10. They do not know how to keep secrets and love to gossip. The concept of decency is not familiar to them: they enthusiastically discuss the details of someone else’s life, including intimate ones. Nothing is sacred to them.

How to behave with them

It would seem that there is nowhere clearer – to stop communication and delete from life. But it’s not always easy, and it’s not always necessary. Not all deceivers are notorious crooks.

If you are convinced that you have encountered a narcissist or a sociopath, then there is no question: stay away from him, and do not let your conscience torment you. But if someone close to you has serious psychological problems or addiction, you probably shouldn’t say goodbye to them. What to do?

Believe… if necessary

Looking for lies in every word is more expensive for yourself. Yes, a person often lies, but still able to be honest. He may be exaggerating, but he’s basically telling the truth. At the very least, try to figure out when to trust him and when not.

Do you remember slippery topics, during the discussion of which you often caught your interlocutor in a lie? Or periods of exacerbation, when the propensity to lie became too obvious?

A healthy skepticism doesn’t hurt, but if you’re not completely sure that everything you’ve said is a complete lie, why not assume that you’re being told the truth? Of course, this does not apply to important issues: here you need to check everything.

At least a modicum of trust is needed: when a person knows that he will be accused of deceit anyway, why on earth should he be honest? Those who are trusted are more likely to reveal the truth, especially if the lie is associated with guilt or shame.

Understand why they lie

We are bitter when we are deceived, and this is a natural emotional reaction. Critical thinking can help you deal with it. Think: why does a person lie? What drives them? What is the reason?

If you can figure out the motives, a drop of sympathy will surely appear. Your emotions may not subside immediately, but sooner or later you will calm down and be able to take a sober look at the situation.

Accept it as a fact: lies will be repeated more than once

Pathological or compulsive liars do not always control their speech. Therefore, it is wiser to admit that they are like that and you have to live with it somehow. This does not mean forcing yourself to believe tall tales or accepting their behavior as the norm. The main thing is to realize that not every lie is said with malicious intent.

They cannot lie. At least not now, given certain circumstances. Of course, no one forbids fighting this, but you yourself will not change anything. Try to look at it philosophically and not take it to heart.

When it makes sense to ask for help

If the interlocutor has a tendency to lie relatively recently, you can guess what the matter is (depression, addiction in the initial stage, childhood psychotrauma) and the person is dear to you, try to persuade him to see a psychotherapist.

It’s not easy with people who constantly cheat. And yet, do not rush to write them down as scoundrels or malicious manipulators. There are many causes for pathological or compulsive lying, and although this habit harms both those who are lied to and those who lie, it is treatable.