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Are you the embodiment of fidelity and have never allowed ambiguous behavior, and your partner continues to be jealous of every pillar? You probably want to fix it. But is it worth it? Let’s figure it out.
Let’s start with the question: what is pathological jealousy and why does it appear?
This, as you already understood, will not be about justified jealousy, when you openly flirt with the opposite sex in front of your partner, but about those cases when there is absolutely no reason to worry.
There are several reasons why destructive jealousy can arise.
1. Feeling inadequate
A person who experiences pathological jealousy often lives with the feeling that he is not good enough, that he is not worthy of love. This attitude towards himself develops, as a rule, in childhood.
The first time a child experiences this feeling is when he starts competing for his mother’s love. He can compete with his father, with brothers and sisters, even with mom’s friends.
The thought “He/she is better than me. Mom loves him/her more than me. I am no longer needed” brings an extremely painful experience, especially for the child’s psyche, and can develop into a fear of rejection. In adulthood, in relationships with other people, such a man or woman will repeat this scenario. Any other person would be a potential threat to his «perfect love» with a partner.
2. Jealousy as a way to maintain intimacy
And this is not about physical intimacy, but about spiritual intimacy. In true intimacy, we become vulnerable. All our weak points are revealed, and the one who is closest to us can hurt us the most.
If a person has a «Trust Nobody» mindset, they will protect themselves by controlling their partner. We can say that jealousy in this case becomes a way of protection.
3. Jealousy as a way to avoid intimacy
Here the same reason — vulnerability. Only as a result of the trauma of rejection. In this case, the fear of rejection is so strong that jealousy will be a tool to avoid it.
Jealousy makes it possible to see your partner as imperfect, and therefore dangerous. This, in turn, is an excellent reason for parting. Ideas live in the unconscious of such a person: “I’d rather leave you than you leave me”, “You are not the person I can trust.”
It should be understood that in any case, the jealousy of your partner is less dependent on you. All the above reasons are the consequences of his childhood experience, which is based on his relationship with his parents.
If you understand this, then the desire to prove your loyalty and devotion will be much less. You will understand that only your partner can change what is happening. To do this, he will need to realize his own problems and turn to a psychologist.
Speaking of pathological jealousy, it is important to notice the degree of this very pathology. In extreme cases, it can talk about mental disorders. These include neurosis, personality pathology, schizophrenia, alcohol or other substance abuse. The consequences of such extremes, unfortunately, often become topics for crime chronicles. In this case, only a psychiatrist can help a person.