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Is your boss constantly annoyed, dissatisfied or disappointed with something, but does not know how to openly express his complaints, preferring a furious silent protest? You may be dealing with a passive-aggressive personality.
At the sight of the new chief, Tess immediately felt uneasy, and she could not understand what was the matter. Usually she easily found a common language with different people, enjoyed authority and universal love. But as soon as the boss appeared on the horizon, she immediately wanted to become invisible.
Relations gradually heated up. When Tess talked about something, he waved it dismissively and changed the subject. She held herself to high standards in everything, he believed that this was not necessary. Once he began to intensely control the work of Tess and literally forced her to lower the bar. The results were disastrous, but she had to answer alone: the boss washed his hands. No wonder she tried to stay away from him. Tess tried to say everything that was boiling over, but the conversation turned into a long ridiculous farce that ended in nothing.
Frustrated, she began to write down the habits of the boss, which bring her to white heat, and then found explanations on the Internet. All of the above indicated passive-aggressive personality disorder.
Signs of passive aggression boss
1. Makes excuses all the time
Whenever Tess asked how the task assigned to the department was progressing, there were always excuses why it had not yet been completed. She tried to remember at least one conscientiously completed project. Alas, everything hung in the middle or did not even start.
2. Exaggerates someone else’s guilt and does not recognize his own
The chief scolded Tess for the slightest mistakes, but he did not see anything terrible in his mistakes. The logic of actions was absent. Man has always tried to shift the blame for his own inattention to the performers.
3. “Accidentally” forgets
While working on a large project, the manager overlooked the need to discuss actions with key stakeholders, including Tess. He easily made decisions that completely changed the general concept, and was silent about them for several days. I even forgot about the possibility of contacting by e-mail, not to mention personal meetings.
4. Resists change
The chief behaved according to the principle: “Either in my opinion, or not at all.” Even if it turned out that it didn’t make sense to do as before, he desperately clung to the usual schemes. Innovations from above did not concern him, he ignored them. Any suggestions to improve communication, teamwork, efficiency met with fierce opposition, as they came from others.
5. Avoids conflict
Perhaps most unsettling was his ability to get away with it dry. He deliberately provoked conflicts between employees and watched them on the sly. In the eyes of senior management, it looked like he was getting things right, but in reality, he stayed on the sidelines while others sorted things out.
6. Apologizes and doesn’t change
In most cases, he hastily apologized to customers for another misunderstanding, but did nothing so as not to repeat the mistake. Sometimes it seemed that he was asking for forgiveness only in order to quickly finish the “debriefing” and do his own thing again.
7. Holds a grudge
Tess was a good judge of people and easily guessed that the boss could barely contain his anger, irritation and hostility. When she bluntly asked what feelings he was overwhelmed with, he was indignant and blamed her for everything.
8. Constantly complaining
The boss had a way of whining all the time about how bad everything was. Even if someone gave good advice, he did nothing, blaming all the sins on his subordinates. He seemed to enjoy complaining more than fixing things.
9. Responsible for nothing
One of the main qualities of a leader is the willingness to be responsible for the entire team. But that was not the case here. Any attempts to designate a zone of responsibility were perceived as a personal insult. One got the impression that he was deliberately demonstrating helplessness so that he could not be reproached for anything.
10. Promises but doesn’t deliver
During team discussions, the boss willingly took on the most difficult tasks, and that was it. When asked for clarification, he would dodge, lie and nod at others. Employees were perplexed: to do or not? In the end, they learned not to ask anything so as not to anger the leader.
Someone’s passive-aggressive behavior irritates those who are used to working hard. Once Tess identified what was going on and realized that it was useless to fight it, she moved to another position because healthy relationships at work are often more important than the job itself.
About the author: Kristin Hammond is a psychotherapist, specialist in mental and personality disorders, addictions and codependencies, and author of The Tired Woman’s Guide.