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Building such is not a weak task, but the major knows how to follow the format.
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It is curious: children who grew up with demanding and tough parents very often speak quite positively about their childhood in their memories and claim that they are going to raise their children in the same way. It is especially interesting that in families with a much warmer attitude of parents, children often grow up dissatisfied with their parents, and with the way they were brought up, and with themselves. Why? What does it depend on? We will name two factors: format control and the status of caregivers.
With the status of educators, it’s basically clear: if parents are respected by others, if other children envy the fact that you have such parents, especially if your dad is a king and your mom is a princess, then you usually like education from such dads and moms more, than if dad is an electrician at the factory, and mom is a laundress. Children appreciate the status of their parents.
However, format control seems to play an even bigger role. By format control, we mean the control of the body corset, the control of facial expressions, and the control of conversations that comment on the process of interaction between pupils and educators. If the pupils are given orders, and the children at this time grimacing, building dissatisfied and offended faces and accompanying what is happening with ironic remarks, this is fixed as a negative game-habit: the child will be dissatisfied with what is happening. If, on the other hand, a handsome general gives an order during which the children stand upright, with their shoulders back, with a confident expression on their faces and confirm: “Yes, it will be done!”, then positive suggestion of the body will give the child a vision that he has a great life and a wonderful childhood. Demanding parents get the title of cruel when they are not demanding enough, namely, they are not attentive enough to the format and allow disgruntled faces. Paradoxically: forbid more — and the children will be happy …
Similarly, in soft and free upbringing: if it turns out that the warmth of the parents evoked the reciprocal warmth of the children, that is, the communication between the parents and the child was accompanied by the joyful face of the child, the warm hugs of beloved parents and the words: “Beloved mommy!”, Then years later, already an adult former child will remember his childhood with the most sincere warmth. If, on the other hand, loving parents come across the fact that in response to their warmth, the child grimaces, builds muzzles and shouts at them “You don’t love me!”, Then years later, their matured child will easily figure out that his parents still didn’t give him enough.
You can start following the format from the simplest and most natural thing: to teach that if children need something, they talk about it without crying or screaming. Do not guess what the children want from you with their crying. Let them learn: while they are crying, you do not understand them. You can understand what they want only when they clearly say what they want.
It is harder, but no less important, to watch what children allow themselves to say about their parents. Interestingly, in the memoirs of Grand Duke Alexander Mikhailovich, he talks about how it never even occurred to them to treat their parents without respect. “The mere thought of going to my father and bothering him with vague conversations for no particular purpose seemed like madness.” Children should learn seemingly elementary things: you should never, under any circumstances, hit your mother (unfortunately, in some families, mothers of teenagers are not sure about this), they don’t call names on their parents, you can’t raise your voice at parents (you can defend your point of view, but this is done with calm intonations) — and so on.
Often, parents try to convey something to their seemingly reasonable children, but the children do not hear them, do not understand? What to do? First, pay attention to how your child is standing or sitting. Look at the characteristic photo at the top of the article: while the daughter is standing in front of her mother with her back to her, with such hands and such a face, it is useless to talk to her. Mom, first teach your daughter to stand properly, only then will she start listening to you!
Parents, in communicating with your children, follow their format! However, it is also true that responsible parents are primarily concerned with the format of their own communication. Children need a good example!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
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