Contents
Among experts there are different opinions about the influence of parents on the development of their children. Some experts are convinced that the influence of parents is undeniable, others believe that the influence of parents on the personality and intelligence of children is not very long. In any case, those parents who did not give birth to their children by chance and want worthy people to grow up from them will do everything that depends on them.
But what does it depend on us?
If you want to be a good parent, if you love your child and learn to be a good parent and caregiver, will you definitely succeed? Nothing is promised to you. You can be super educators, but you can have a sour or difficult child who is really hard to deal with. You will do the best you can, you can reduce people’s troubles from this child, but will you have time to make a worthy person out of this child in two decades of his upbringing? — It won’t always happen.
All children are born different. Some are born — easily amenable to external influence, some — with their own character.
An alcoholic neighbor may live next to you, an absolutely stupid creature who will grow up creative, caring, attentive children … It may seem to you that you are a useless teacher next to her — no, do not rush to blame yourself. She just gave birth to such children: creative, caring and smart, and at the same time strong enough to take care of both themselves and their stupid mother. And in the school where your children study, an experienced teacher who has already raised many hundreds of wonderful children can work. At the same time, the son of this teacher can be a careless, lazy and thieving creature … — he was just born like that. And if the teacher was not a good teacher, the consequences would be even more severe.
Helpless and clueless parents often worry about ruining their children’s lives. Don’t worry. “Dear stupid parents! Do not worry that you will screw up, break the life of your children. You don’t have the teaching qualifications for that. The child is stronger than you, he lives his own life. You can make his life difficult, but it won’t break him, it will only harden him. Do with him what you want — the child will still grow up in his own way, the way he will grow up.
Not only parents are strong, children are also strong, and if there is no cooperative relationship between them, upbringing turns into a battle: character against character. There can be strong parents and weak children. Then everything will be great for dad and mom, except that the child will be obedient, but with his limitations, he is weak. Maybe — weak parents and a strong child. This is usually the most difficult situation, but there are exceptions. Example: a weak parent is an alcoholic and a strong smart child who was born and said: «I will do everything so that there is no alcoholism in my life.» And he will bring his parents to their senses. Children are smarter, stronger and kinder than their parents.
In any case, our business is to take care of our children in the best possible way. How?
Parents act as a united front, but not against the child, but for him
On the one hand, parents should have uniform requirements for children. On the other hand, there are features of male and female parenting style. How to take into account and link all this? See →
Parents are responsible for everything: including the fact that children themselves begin to take responsibility for their lives
We, as parents, are responsible for the upbringing of our children. But children are responsible for their own behavior. Parents are responsible for our upbringing, but they are not responsible for what we are today, now. See →
Believing in a child is necessary, but not enough
Faith in a good beginning in a child is useful for anxious and harmful for careless parents. See Faith in a Good Beginning
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.