Contents
Learning influence tactics and an arsenal of methods is a predominantly male approach. Women are not inclined to think in this vein, they raise a child primarily with their attitude towards him. However, sometimes thinking like a man is a useful thing. Let’s start with the definition of concepts.
Methods of upbringing are methods of influence that systematically (and not only one-time and situational) change the child’s behavior. For example, training and accustoming are methods of education. Upbringing techniques are a more fractional, smaller unit of upbringing technologies, this is a specific way or form of implementing a particular method. Some tricks are strictly tied to certain methods, other tricks can be used inside different methods. The methods and techniques of raising a child depend primarily on the personal characteristics of the parents, their intentions and competence. In free education, the method of well-directed freedom is more often used, in disciplinary education — instructions and a system of reinforcements.
Direct educational influences
An adult can influence a child directly and directly, eye to eye: with words, intonations, or with his hand, and sometimes these direct influences are the simplest and most effective method.
The child does not know something — you told him, does not reach — inspired, does not understand — explained, does not know how — taught. He is marking time, does not know what decision to make — they sent him in the right direction. He doesn’t know how exciting something is — you played with him and made him happy. He began to do bad things — they stopped him, he got used to the unnecessary, harmful or dangerous — they weaned him off. He does it right — he was supported and gradually accustomed to this. All these are direct influences, the main components of both the management of the child and his upbringing.
So, we have already listed the main methods of direct influence: story and suggestion, permission or prohibition, demonstration and explanation, teaching and accustoming. In addition to direct influence, there is indirect influence, which includes controlling the child’s attention, personal example, involvement or distraction, support or deprivation of support, in fact — positive and negative reinforcement …
The most common and fairly effective means is suggestion. Suggestion lives not by argumentation, but by the clarity of the wording and the power of intonation. Suggestion and impressions imprint, demonstration and clarification gives understanding, personal example gives a model before the eyes, involvement gives passion, habituation forms a habit, positive reinforcement of repetition reinforces the result. It is necessary to explain, to teach something (to teach something) through play, desire and interest, to teach useful things, to teach good things, to wean them from bad things — this is what our direct educational impact on the child is made up of.
Getting what is necessary from a child and stopping what is unacceptable are important tasks, but these are not education technologies, but technologies for managing a child, a way to solve situational problems.
There are many methods. When to use which? It depends: on age, on the characteristics of the child (what he was taught and what not) and on the characteristics of the parents (their philosophy, habits and abilities). It is most natural to negotiate with normal people and educated children. If it is not possible to agree, training and training remain practically the only means of effective influence.
In regular situations, one of the parents prefers the Silovik approach (contract, requirements and discipline), someone Dushki’s approach (gently ask and arouse desire). Men are more inclined towards the Silovik approach, women are closer to the Dushka approach. The best is to use both.
Parents influence a lot or little, parents are interested in their influence on children being significant, parents are interested in strengthening their personal influence. In order for the word of the parent to sound meaningful, serious for the child, for the child to listen to you, you need to take care of two things: First, address the child competently. The second is, in principle, to strengthen your parental authority.
Good parents usually don’t yell at their children. Everything can be negotiated calmly. Tell him what you want. If you do not like something, do not be silent, accumulating anger and irritation — calmly and firmly tell the child, then you expect him to do what he needs to do. Does not obey — do not shout, but repeat. Doesn’t listen — figure out what’s the matter. However, if the fact is that the child is testing your strength, you must demonstrate this strength, and here it is impossible to do without the Silovik’s approach. Unfortunately, mothers and grandmothers usually avoid acting tough and often find themselves helpless.
Education through the organization of the environment
A child can be influenced directly, or indirectly, through the creation of a formative environment and the necessary environment. It should be taken into account that in most cases the environment of the child affects him more than we, the parents. One of the first concerns of a parent thinking about education is to manage the environment of the child.
Who is raising the child — dad or grandmother, dad’s grandmother or mom’s grandmother, who are the child’s friends, what does he watch on TV and how long does he sit at the computer, being busy with what?
The world in which a child lives and develops leaves a very strong imprint on him. It is important that the environment is developing and educating, accustoming the child to certain ways of life.
Education through an educative environment is the main principle in the pedagogical technology of A.S. Makarenko. Makarenko achieved such mastery in raising children that he could confidently say: «Education is an easy thing.» It became so easy for Makarenko that in the colony. Dzerzhinsky, he completely abandoned educators, and 600 former offenders turned out to be in his care. There were teachers at the school, engineers at the factory, but the children’s team of 500-600 people lived to a certain extent independently. Makarenko was sure that the children would get out of bed on time on a signal, put themselves and all the premises of the commune in order. The commune never had cleaners. The pupils cleaned everything themselves, moreover, in such a way that everything had to shine, because 3-4 delegations a day came to the commune. Cleanliness was checked with a white handkerchief …
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
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