Parenting books – what to read and why

Virginia Axline “Play Therapy in Action (Dibs in Search of Yourself)” (April Press, 2007)

Summary: A fascinating story about how, with the help of the skill of a psychotherapist, a boy gains mental health, self-confidence and the ability to effectively interact with others.

Comment psychologist: “Famous among psychology and psychotherapy students and a favorite of mine, Virginia Axline was the first book I read in college. It seems to be on the list of recommended reading. Virginia Axline enthrallingly describes the psychoanalytic association game with the analyst’s interpretations, step by step, session by session. Sometimes it seems that she painstakingly puts together a puzzle, sometimes – that she is conducting a detective investigation. But, as it should be in psychoanalysis, the process is brighter than the result. She judges her parents harshly and rarely intrudes into the game. The analyst, though occasionally joining in, mostly comments and interprets. Language and terms … I will say this: they do not correspond to modern views. Today, no one will be called, say, “an emotional cripple.”

This book was written in 1964. Much has changed, many answers have been found both in attachment research and in the latest, from this century already, discoveries of neuropsychologists. Is psychoanalysis effective in dealing with certain developmental disorders, such as communication and speech disorders? I would answer no. But it was with the advent of this book that interest in play therapy began to grow and there was an understanding that children are not just small adults, but complex people who must be reckoned with.

Read more:

• How to play with children

Alice Miller “The Drama of a Gifted Child and the Search for Self” (Academic Project, 2015)

Summary: The psychoanalyst explains how repressed traumatic experiences affect a person’s personal life and social success and sometimes give rise to mental illness. The destructive effects of educating adults and the process of psychotherapy received in early childhood emotional trauma are shown.

Comment psychologist: “Alice Miller wrote her book in 1979, and it was another breakthrough, an important step in understanding the relationship and interaction of individual factors and the environment of the child. Alice Miller, psychoanalyst and psychohistorian, retired from psychoanalysis after twenty years of practice. In this book, she searches for the causes of emotional distress and finds them in childhood sexual, physical, and emotional trauma. By spanking a child, parents cause trauma, which forms further deviations in the development of the brain and psyche. She is an ardent champion of “emotional discovery and emotional acceptance of the truth in our individual, unique childhood story,” where unwanted feelings (and behaviors) are not repressed, but wholly accepted. Penetrating into the themes of child abuse, Alice Miller opens up several important themes – the connection of the body and emotions; the importance of negative emotions, more precisely, the child’s right to any emotion; “experience of love” and acceptance of all aspects of the child, including those that are incomprehensible to parents, as the most important foundation of the relationship and, ultimately, the success of the child. The most important thing is respect for the individual characteristics of your child. Important information every parent needs. Let’s take this book with us!”

Read more:

• Respect yourself: what does it mean?

Catherine Maurice “Hear Your Voice” (available from online libraries)

Summary: The story of one family’s triumph over autism.

Comment psychologist: “Catherine Maurice wrote sincerely and professionally. The afterword to the book is by Ivar Lovaas himself, the founder of ABA, a method of applied behavior analysis. Katherine Maurice also talks about walking through diagnostic torments. Since then, diagnostic categories have changed, and new methods have appeared, and most importantly, autism has ceased to be “treated”, that is, the philosophy of diagnosis has changed. Listening to the author’s voice, you begin to hear how difficult it was for her to accept the ABA philosophy and how painful the classes were, especially at first. But the book not only votes for Lovaas, but also stigmatizes Bettelheim and the child psychoanalysts who tried to apply psychoanalysis to autistic people. I must say that it was this book, read 20 years ago, that made me accept and start practicing in the direction of behavioral therapy – ABA and Verbal Behavior (method of Vincent Carbone). With respect to the historical narrative … I close this book.

Times have changed, the number of effective approaches has changed too. Once unaccepted and incomprehensible analysis of behavior has gained momentum and now it monopolizes the situation, declaring itself the only, indisputable truth and the absolute solution to the problem. Both of these things always bother me.”

Sarah Newman “Games and activities with a special child” (Terevinf, 2015)

Summary: A detailed story about how to raise a child with special needs from the first days of life and help him develop. The author, the mother of such a child, managed to create one of the best practical guides in this area.

Comment psychologist: “Sarah Newman is one of those moms trying to generalize from her own experience. She describes five areas of development: cognitive, physical, communication, social-emotional, adaptive – and talks about her own life experience. It is important for parents who are looking for answers, not advice, to remember that every child is an individual; Moreover, everyone has their own characteristics, their own perception of the world around them and the environment, which also affects behavior. So, having accepted the book with gratitude and having learned to understand professional terms, you can move on.

Read more:

• How do autists see us?

Stanley Greenspan, Jacqueline Salmon “The tyrant child: How to find an approach to children of the five “difficult” types” (Lomonosov, 2010)

Summary: An outstanding child psychiatrist, one of the world’s largest specialists in the correction of children’s emotional disorders, Stanley Greenspan explains to parents how to find a “key” for children with emotional disabilities and establish spiritual contact with them. The book is written easily and contains many useful recommendations, illustrated with examples from the author’s pedagogical and psychiatric practice.

Comment psychologist: “Stanley Greenspan, MD, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, founder of the floortime approach, in The Challenging Child (why the translators translated the name “difficult child” as “tyrant child” remained a mystery to me) explores the types of “complex” temperaments . He describes five subtypes and then, with great empathy, shows parents how each of these children perceives and processes information and emotions from the world around him, and writes about how you can not only make the most of the child’s individual qualities in order to discover him talent and opportunities, but also to enjoy communicating with him. Although the book was written before Greenspan refined and formulated the theoretical basis of the Flortime approach, its philosophy is based on a deep understanding of the individual characteristics of the child and on acceptance and development, rather than remaking and fighting the child.

Read more:

• How to raise a child without making him feel guilty

Goldie Hawn “Comprehensive development of the child in 10 minutes a day” (Eksmo, 2010)

Summary: Goldie Hawn is known as the founder of the Hawn Foundation, whose goal is the effective comprehensive development of children and helping parents in their upbringing. This book presents the Foundation’s Mind Development program, which is successfully used by millions of parents around the world. Simple and effective exercises that you can do with your child for just 10 minutes a day will help him learn how the brain works, how thoughts and feelings affect our behavior.

Comment psychologist: “Goldie Hawn (yes, that unsurpassed comic actress) is also a mother. The preface to the book was written by Dan Siegel, a recognized expert in the psychology of mindfulness, early attachment, and neuropsychology. In the English original, however, the name sounds a little different: “10 conscious minutes.” We are talking about the practice of awareness – the rejection of the senseless struggle with reality, the recognition of the right of reality to be unpleasant, painful. The acceptance strategy can have many manifestations: making room for the painful experience; recognize the possibility of losing; give up trying to control emotions by not obeying emotional impulses. The development of the mind as part of the process of mindfulness helps to develop emotions, socially acceptable behavior and the development of the executive functions of the brain. Goldie Hawn believes that the way to raise happy, emotionally and socially balanced and educated children is through mindfulness and positive psychology. Good book”.

Read more:

• Silence your inner critic

And finally …

“If you are hurt by the criticism that you subject your friends to, you are safe. But if you feel even the slightest pleasure at the same time, hold your tongue, ”says Alice Miler in her book. Criticize without rejoicing at the mistakes of opponents, take the best that each book has to offer, carefully observe your own child, seek and find worthy like-minded people, whether they are psychologists, various specialists or educators who will respect your observations and help you choose the right direction work – probably, this is how their own mosaic of educational methods is formed.