Psychotherapist Olga Troitskaya about parental messages.
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Parental messages are what parents really say to their children. This is what the child hears behind the words of the parents, behind the parental suggestions, taking into account non-verbal, context and subtext.
What exactly will be conveyed in the parental message depends both on the text of the parental suggestion, and on what the parents really want to convey, and on how the child perceives it, with what internal interpretation.
The message «Be naughty!»
In the presence of a five-year-old child, a mother tells about him, what is his appetite, what he eats with pleasure, whom he loves more — dad, mom or grandmother, than he had been ill since his birthday. Of course, he does not keep silent about toys — how many and what they are. And then about the main thing: what the son can do, what an “unusual child” he is, smart, quotes his statements and finally says:
— That’s just disobedient, stubborn — he does not recognize any authorities, he has his own opinion on everything. So he will answer that even an adult will not come up with! Yes, and the father does not put in anything! And all from the fact that it is not smart enough.
The mother spreads her hands helplessly, glancing at her son, who turned away as if he couldn’t hear.
The boy looks around mischievously. Now every now and then he tries to throw out some kind of “extraordinary number”: he climbs into his mother’s bag, into his pocket, aims his foot at an imaginary ball, interrupts the conversation of adults …