Parental leave: the joys and difficulties seen by a dad

A dad on parental leave: “I would have loved to be a stay-at-home dad”

“When my wife got pregnant with our second child, the idea of ​​parental leave started to germinate in my head. After the birth of my first daughter, I felt like I had missed out on a lot. When we had to leave her in the nursery when she was only 3 months old, it was a real heartbreak for me. I knew the community was not ideal for a toddler, but we had no choice. My baby was sick all the time the first year, I felt like I wasn’t there enough for her. My wife has a very busy professional activity, it has always been quite clear that between us it would be me who would pick up the little one in the evening, who would manage the bath, the dinner, etc.

A decision that I had to impose

I had to fight to impose my parental leave on my wife. She told me that it was not necessary, that we could always take a nanny from time to time to relieve us, and that financially it was going to be complicated. She was right on this last point, but not on the rest. So I decided to stop my professional activity for a year. At my work, I am an executive in the public, my decision was very well received. I was certain to find an equivalent position when I returned. Obviously, there are always people who look at you with a skeptical air, who don’t understand your choice. A dad who stops working to take care of his children, we find that fishy. And to crown it all, it was the women who had the most sexist reactions.

Ensuring the well-being of my daughters, my first satisfaction

This year with my children has been very enriching. I was able to ensure their well-being, their development. I stopped running every morning, every night. My big returned to kindergarten calmly. I was able to save him the long days with the daycare in the evening, the leisure center on Wednesdays, the canteen every day. I also took full advantage of my baby, I was there for all his first times, I do not regret it. I was also able to continue to feed her breast milk for longer, a real satisfaction. 

Difficulties too …

The difficulties, I cannot avoid them, because there have been many. My second daughter took a long time to sleep well and I accumulated a real lack of sleep which sometimes affected my behavior. At times I almost broke, luckily I was able to count on the support of my mother and other parent bloggers. Since I was a dad, I have been blogging,. We had put money aside to compensate for my lack of salary, but obviously it was not enough. So we tightened our belts a bit. Fewer outings, unpretentious vacations, no investment in the house… However, having time makes it possible to better calculate expenses, to go to the market, to cook fresh products. For taxes, we had a bad surprise: as the calculation is made on the wages of the previous year, we had to pay large sums. 

A smooth return to work

Quite frankly, I think I would have loved to be a stay-at-home dad. During this year spent with my children, I forged links with a lot of parents, I built a real social life for myself and I even created an association. The objective of the latter is to give advice to parents on the care and education of their child as well as on childcare in general. But life is as it is, and the financial constraints haven’t really given me a choice. I returned to work 80% because I wanted to continue to be there for my daughters on Wednesdays. There is a liberating side to finding a professional life. New job, new colleagues, new challenges… but I would say that it took me a month to pick up the pace, to discover my new functions.

At the level of the organization at home, nothing has really changed

It is always me who takes care of the daily life. I go to pick up my children in the evening, I am lucky to live very close to my work. My wife hasn’t changed her habits, she knows she can rely on me. We find our balance and I respect her choice, for her her career is more important than the rest. My daughters returned to school in September (nursery and school) and we were gradually able to get used to the separation. I do not regret this experience. However, this is not a decision to be taken lightly. We have to weigh the “pros” and the “cons”, knowing that we will inevitably lose quality of life but save time. It is precious. To dads who hesitate, I would say, “think carefully”, “anticipate” but if you feel ready “go for it”! It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience.